I reached out to the Messer brothers last weekend through social media and explained to them who I am, why I blog, what my background is, and that I wrote a blog post about their mom’s disappearance.
I told them if they wanted to share anything with my readers I would be honored to listen, and to be a voice for their mom. I assured them that I understood if they didn’t have the time, energy, or interest to schedule this in their lives right now.
They both kindly replied.
Today I will share a portion of Abram Messer’s reply, “I’ve been thinking about reaching out to you to not only thank you for your piece, but to see if you would be interested in talking to me. One of the many issues that I struggle with having grown up in a home where destructive ideology was normal is my desire to break, (I pray permanently) the sin cycle and demonstrate a Biblical example for my children to see. I would love to share more of our story with you. Thank you for following the prompting of the Holy Spirit to reach out to me.”
According to Abram Messer, and confirmed with the Ste Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office, Kerry Messer, is no longer cooperating with the investigation and hasn’t been for almost a year. And with this, I can tell you that Abram has been doing what no child, no matter what age, could ever imagine having to do. He has been assisting in an investigation that revolves around his dad, due to the disappearance of his mom.
During my conversation with Abram, he conveyed his appreciation and trust in the Ste Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office. He explained they have, and continue to do, a terrific job. He equally included the hours upon hours of interviews over the days, months and last two years they conducted with him. Abram mentioned how investigators stepped inside his head and pulled out information he wouldn’t have thought of on his own. He reflected that if the authorities need another 9 hour interview from his head he will give it every day. Abram has complete faith in their ability because they want to come to the truth. So if you have heard by word of mouth, or read in other news outlets, that the investigators aren’t doing their job it simply isn’t true.
*Disclaimer: There have been no arrests made in the disappearance of Lynn Messer. Kerry Messer remains innocent of any charges. I am not claiming anyone is mentally ill or guilty; but simply pointing out concerns.
I will walk you through a bit of Messer family history according to, Lynn and Kerry’s son, Abram. While talking to Abram, I could have literally finished some of his sentences for him because I understand what he lived through growing up and I understand some of the mind-set I hear and read about his father.
I’ve often wondered why people are easily hoodwinked by the possibility of dual personality individuals. I wonder if it’s from having a good heart that’s always looking for the best in people; because who goes around looking for evil. We tend to believe what we see. If we were at the theatre watching a play we would expect to see grand acting, but we don’t anticipate seeing it in the office, at church, at school, at the store, or standing in the driveway talking to a neighbor.
If you think it was easy for Abram to recall this history, I can tell you it wasn’t. There were a few times I thought our phone call had disconnected, but no, he
Photo Credit: J.B. Forbes, St. Louis Post Dispatch
was distraught and needed time to process what he wanted to say. He loves his mom. He loves his dad. He wants to help other families, other women, and other victimizers recognize abuse before it’s too late. He speculated that recent events have changed how he views his relationship with his wife and children. He believes human nature will do one of two things.
Repeat the Cycle
Go to the opposite extreme
We both agreed that there is a better option. Stop holding any person to a standard you want to achieve, or a low you want to avoid. Our standard is Jesus. If His heart, mind, way and will is what we chase after we will always be progressing in a good and healthy direction.
Survivors, and witnesses, share their stories because it could be the key that leads to freedom for other victims. Abram was clear on his objectives for speaking out about his family life and his mom’s disappearance. You can read, LYNN MESSER: 3 OBJECTIVES, by clicking here.
Abram believed for a long time his father lived two lives. Kerry seemed different at home than he was at church or anywhere else. Out of curiosity I asked, “How old were you when you came to this realization?”
Abram didn’t have to think about the answer, he knew it, “Between 10 and 12 years old.”
I asked because 10-12 seems to be a common age when children become aware of abusive or mentally unstable parents. Children often wonder if something is wrong sooner, but that tends to be the age when they know, and can understand it and verbalize it.
Abram conveyed that he grew up having a dread of daddy coming home from work; just knowing he would come home from work caused anxiety because he knew dad only cared about work. When at friends’ homes he envied the kids’ excitement when their daddy arrived home from work. They would excitedly run to the window waiting for their father to walk through the door to great them.
The term, “Ma” that Kerry uses in his Facebook posts on the, “Find Lynn Messer” page originated when the boys were around 14-15 years old. The term came from the Ma and Pa Kettle films. Lynn never liked the term, and requested that Kerry not use it but he chose not to respect her wish. Abram didn’t use the term; to his knowledge only Kerry used it.
90% of the food they consumed was grown and processed on their farm. Lynn had a one acre garden that kept her busy and productive, and it may have served as a coping mechanism to occupy herself. She stayed busy.
While we are talking about staying busy; a point that has stuck in many minds is how dependable Lynn was for commitments she made; such as VBS (Vacation Bible School). Lynn spent months preparing for the church VBS program every year. On Monday, July 7, 2014, Lynn went to Wal-Mart and purchased supplies for the Tuesday VBS program. She was prepared. She was excited. She was scheduled to participate the next day; Tuesday, July 8, 2014, but Lynn was a no-show to VBS.
Kerry reportedly hid financial records from Lynn and refused to write balances in checkbooks leaving Lynn to constantly fret over finances.
In 1984 Kerry began working for Missouri Family Network as a lobbyist for pro-life, family and homeschool causes. M.F.N. was one of a few small organizations that worked across the gamut on these issues. Kerry has quietly encouraged M.F.N. supporters to write the checks in his name, Kerry Messer. I’ve talked to other individuals who remember this as well.
Abram told about his dad’s decision to drive older used vehicles. There came a time about three years ago when a married couple from their church became burdened for Kerry because he didn’t have a dependable car to drive back and forth to Jefferson City. This sweet and caring couple went to friends and quietly fundraised. They happily sacrificed, knowing the Messers didn’t have money for another vehicle, and bought Lynn and Kerry a new car that would be dependable for work and family life. Weren’t they wonderful friends? Yes! But guess what? According to Abram, his dad didn’t want to drive the new car, especially not to Jefferson City, because donators wouldn’t want to give financial gifts to him if they thought he had enough money to purchase such a nice looking new car. Thus, his decision to stick with older models that looked the part of poor, financially needy lobbyist. I wondered what became of the car. Abram said his mom was in an accident with that car and it was totaled.
A man who couldn’t afford a dependable car and yet has accumulated a reported two and a half million dollars in assets while managing to keep it completely hidden from his wife.
Abram mentioned overriding character questions he had about his dad.
It seemed there was one way to do everything; and it was his dad’s way?
Took an excessively long time deciding how to complete tasks with perfection being the goal; making it difficult to begin the task?
Didn’t like to involve others in completing projects or work tasks?
Money was hidden and hoarded?
Had a deep need to control everything and everyone around him?
Had a deep and twisted belief that husbands are to dominate their wives?
Dishonest, fraudulent, duplicitous personality. Changed according to his audience?
Took advantage of others to get what he wanted?
Lacked empathy; was willing to lie about his own kids to save himself?
Fabricated stories and fantasies of ideal love to attract attention, read the, “Find Lynn Messer” FB page?
Life was about him?
Didn’t bond with people?
Abram revealed that Lynn did suffer physical abuse at the hands of his father. Although Kerry took the time on the 11/22/2014 Facebook post to expand on his beliefs of women not violating the secrecy of marriage; specifically of his, “Bride” being wise to guard herself on what she shares about her husband with other women. She wisely did just the opposite! Kerry went on to post, “There are things husbands and wives know that no one should ever be told. The home is a place where virtually every social taboo no longer applies. The home is where we all get to relax and drop all our guards (and dog gone it, everyone has gas – get over it). But you still don’t talk about many things in ways that violate your mate. And the list of such topics can get long. A little discretion affirms a lot of love!”
Thankfully, Lynn, had shared with some women about the abuse she suffered in the home; abuse from Kerry, because social taboos are wrong for a reason. These women have reportedly fully cooperated with investigators and presented the truth that Lynn has not been able to offer in person.
I often say, if a woman is strong enough to stay; she is strong enough to leave.
Did Lynn finally realize her husband was not capable of change and decided to adjust her life? Did she fail to realize he was willing to keep toxic control with any means necessary?
If you believe your life may be in jeopardy; please listen to me as I gently, but firmly, tell you, “Leave immediately.” Go to the authorities. Go to Domestic Violence. Go to your pastor or a counselor. Document the abuse in every way possible. See: It is Real You are Write. If you plan on confronting your abuser about his toxic ways it is best to do it in the company of a witness or witnesses. See Toxic Intervention. Scroll down the left margin of this blog for, “Articles: Other Sources” and “Solutions-Hotlines-Help.”
I will leave you with this quote from Abram,
“To know in the middle, of not knowing what happened, that God did not wake up the morning of July 8, 2014, and say, ‘Wow, I didn’t see this coming!’ I know he will use all this to our benefit; to affect us, to change us, to mold us…there is some solace to that.”
This will be a series of posts with the final entry being the cry of Abram’s heart. In the middle of living a nightmare he says, “This whole ugly mess will get darker before it gets better.”
If you would like an idea of how a duplicitous personality can hoodwink supporters you may read more here: I am Known as a Liar