Today I’m answering criticisms Kerry has made at journalists, media outlets, and writers like me on his Find Lynn Messer Facebook page.
I’ve not made one penny from blogging so I’m not padding my pockets. I blog for one reason only: Out of obedience to a calling on my life to listen to and pray for women living in abusive ‘Christian’ relationships.
I have no advertisers. I receive no gifts, or financial compensation for the countless hours I spend researching and writing. I do this while homeschooling my children, ministering to numerous local women who are deep in the middle of abuse (or leaving abuse), and while suffering from multiple auto-immune diseases that rack my body with pain, illness and extreme fatigue.
Here’s another random fact. I have several friends living with diseases that rack their bodies with pain, illness, extreme fatigue, joint replacements, insomnia and/or cancer. None of them have committed suicide. Nor have any of my dear friends who have, or are currently living through, unimaginable, unsafe, abusive marriages committed suicide. Do they become depressed? Of course! It’s impossible not to when living in the middle of such trauma.
Below is my rebuttal to Kerry Messer’s public Find Lynn Messer Facebook page dated Sunday, April 23, 2017. The red font is Kerry Messer’s writing.
According to the Sheriff, (as I understand it) it has been determined that Ma’s remains were in their discovered location the entire time we had been looking for her. There are still far too many unanswered questions which remain, including several newer ones from the discovery and the Sheriff’s release of this detail. This assumption does not necessarily come directly from the sheriff but rather from a reporter who may have taken liberties with the information given to them. The statement was,
“THE ST. LOUIS COUNTY MEDICAL EXAMINER’S OFFICE STATES IT APPEARS MESSER’S BODY WAS OUT THERE (in the elements) FOR THE TWO YEAR TIME PERIOD.” The statement said nothing about the body being in the same location the entire time. (I will work on confirming this for a next blog post.)
But at least the scope of accusations and attacks have been narrowed by the limited details we at least know for now. Prayerfully additional information may be released that could further narrow the garbage being thrown about by haters. (Certainly no one has stepped forward to admit their false accusations in light of the few things we now know – so I am not holding my breath that any of the haters will have enough integrity to apologize for their attacks.) Lynn’s remains were found on the farm; where we thought they would be found. There is no proof that it was suicide. I think a criminal’s days are numbered. “Mene mene tekel upharsin” Daniel 5. As I have discovered waiting for past investigations to conclude; time is not on the defendant’s side but rather the prosecution’s. I think they are tidying up. I wish they had a tighter time frame for doing this so the family can feel safe, find some amount of closure, and achieve a type of justice for Lynn.
Why or how can so many people, who have never in their lives ever seen or met Ma, think they can be so certain of what happened to her when they have never even so much as looked at her? No one truly knows anyone simply by looking “at” them anyway. You have to look “up” towards someone before you can begin to understand who they are in the first place.
Many of these women have seen and met Lynn. Some of them knew Lynn well. I’m the only one who never personally met Lynn.
For two years Lynn’s story burned in my heart and mind to the point I realized it was a calling. Truly, I didn’t want to act on the calling. I had enough stress in my life without adding any more. I just wanted peace and comfort; and a large helping of it.
For the women who did meet or know Lynn these are the comments I’ve heard from them:
“Knowing that she’s missing; I’ll never forget the first time I met her. I was at a dinner in Jefferson City seated at the same table with Kerry and Lynn. He talked non-stop with most subjects coming back to circle around him. Lynn didn’t look up or participate in the conversation. She was extremely quiet. In my gut I knew something was wrong in her marriage; I suspected abuse.”
“I met her at a fund raiser that she attended with Kerry. She was quiet and didn’t speak much and seemed nervous much of the night.”
“Yes I knew Lynn, yes I knew things most church people didn’t know because those topics were “off limits” at church and if you didn’t conform you were shunned. I was an abused wife at one point in my life. Life with an abuser behind closed doors is a living hell. Lynn’s life was no bed of roses as her husband protests it was, she just never shared it openly. The county is a “good old boy” county so when you have political pull as he does folks tend to overlook what is right in front of their faces. This is a man who doesn’t mind parking in a handicapped spot at church blocking those who need it and when called to his attention would just say “I’m bad” leaving his car in the handicapped spot without having the legal right to do so. This may seem petty but for a man who professes to be “godly” he doesn’t mind breaking the law. “
“I met Kerry and Lynn at a large dinner engagement. Kerry was very domineering and talkative. Lynn sat silently, sadly and I don’t think she even spoke that night. My heart went out to her then, and then all these years later when she disappeared, I just cannot get the images of that night and the feeling I felt in my soul that she was a controlled, sad woman out of my mind and heart.”
“Lynn and I go back several years through church. She told me of abusive things that were going on in her marriage. I think Kerry will be shocked to find out how much investigators know. What Kerry claims on the Find Lynn Messer page was not Lynn’s reality.”
My calling to be a voice for women like Lynn reminded me of several years ago when my son had an accident and I was in the E.R. with him. I was clueless as to the seriousness of my son’s injury since it could not be seen. I could feel the weight of the Holy Spirit upon me; communicating to my heart, soul, mind and strength; “Pray for his life. This is your spiritual heritage in the Lord. Seek it.” The physical pressure to go to my knees; to my face was overwhelming. Right in the middle of the E.R.; in the hallway outside the C.T. scan…praying boldly, quickly, obediently…then the doors opened and I was told the life flight helicopter would be there in 19 minutes. “Your son has an epidural hematoma; a severe brain bleed—a severe traumatic brain injury.”
The same overwhelming sense I experienced in the E.R. came as “Do it. Speak for Lynn. Tell your story. Be obedient and use your past pain to have a positive impact. Trust Me.”
I have no idea to this day what the Lord’s full purpose is. I’m not saying Kerry Messer is guilty in the death of his wife. I’m just being courageous enough to say something seems odd. I’m saying that many abused women can testify that abuse or wrongful death is within the realm of possibility. I’m saying that after my extensive background of studying personality disorders, because nothing makes you more interested in such a topic than having to live with such a person, that I think I notice similarities.
My biggest fear in being obedient was that I would channel my past pain and experiences on some poor innocent person.
The consequences of my obedience are in God’s hands. If I’m going to error; I would rather error in faith than in disobedience.
Can any of you locate this C.S. Lewis quote and which book and page number it is from? Please leave a comment by clicking the comment link above if you know the reference. I know of several people looking for this information. My friends, and a family member, who are avid C.S. Lewis readers haven’t been able to place the quote. Please help us. ~Thank you! (UPDATE 5/1/2017 Thank you to Jeannie Pederson, a commenter at Truth Seekers Open Forum on Facebook who suggested using plagiarism websites to research Kerry’s C.S. Lewis quote. After 9 days of asking Kerry Messer for the source of the quote, multiple Google searches, and 6 different plagiarism sites; it appears Kerry provided a false quote. I’m hoping Kerry can prove otherwise and provide proof of a C.S. Lewis book quote.)
Kerry Messer quoted this in his most recent Facebook post:
C. S. Lewis once wrote, “One of the more common universal traits of the human experience is that most people tend towards putting everyone else into a box. They cannot see nor accept others’ lives without interpreting that other person’s history or being except through their own personal limited experiences or narrow worldview. “We” are even prone to put God Himself into our little boxes; thus our divided Christian communities (and even the pale skinned European concept of Jesus Christ).”
The issue which C. S. Lewis was addressing is mankind’s general tendency to never look “up”. We are all sinners both by nature and by choice. Without self-control and self-discipline we default in the common direction of narrow-minded prejudices. It is unnatural for a person to look “up” and make themselves “see” others from a perspective or worldview different from their own experiences. Our nature is only to look “at” one another.
This narrow-mindedness, which results in prejudices of all kinds, is exploited by politicians and the broad scope of advocates globally. It leads to grossly false understandings of anyone who is not cut from the same cloth as oneself. It divides neighbors into sub-cultures and class envy and cultural strife. It dares us to assign preconceived motives to everyone else’s’ motives. And it fuels the arrogance of false judgments, even to the point of baring false witness against someone with no evidence or conviction of guilt. Circumstantial evidence abounds and only investigators, in time, can reveal if there is physical evidence.
This is why a thief distrusts everyone else. It is why an unfaithful person will almost always assume everyone else is unfaithful. And it is why someone who has been deeply hurt by a trusted loved one typically assumes everyone else treats their loved ones badly also.
Sadly, this is also why far too many people cannot accept the love and compassion of Jesus Christ. They simply refuse to see the grace being held out to them by a merciful God. They choose to judge The Lord according to their own personal experiences and hard heartedness.
They cannot bring themselves to “lift their eyes” to look “up” and “see” the Son of God on the cross. It is somehow easier for them to think about God as being judgmental. It fits their idea that they have to find some way to earn God’s approval according to their own reasoning, rather than accept the simplicity of God’s grace.
It is easier to look “at” God and see him through our personal experiences rather than seeing Him for who He is according to His own revelation. And of course our human nature also leads us to swing the pendulum to the other extreme and define His love according to wishful thinking and say that since He is a God of love, He would never let anything bad happen to us. For too many folks The Lord is nothing more than who they reason Him to be in their own minds.
In the same manner, folks pass judgments based on their preconceived notions and their only frame of thoughts come from their limited experiences. Thus the haters will be angry and bitter at anyone who disagrees with them. They actually think they are right!
I lost track of what the point actually was.
I think it was: If only we would look “up” to him and not “at” him.
I think this sounds as malignant as narcissistic personality disorder comes.
I am not diagnosing anyone. There have been no criminal charges filed in the death of Lynn Messer. I am not a psychological, psychiatric, or medical practitioner; therefore any opinions I share are my own and should not be construed as professional advice, but rather for educational consideration only.
I’ll conclude with part of my bio from the ‘About Me’ page: Just because we are Christians does not mean we have to be walked all over, verbally shredded, emotionally manipulated, physically harmed, sexually abused or backed in the corner by those suffering from mental illness who refuse to seek help and healing, by those who refuse to deal with their personality disorder, and/or by those who refuse to turn from their messed up choices. Boundaries are necessary. Safety is achievable. Love is essential.
Sometimes speaking the truth in love isn’t easy; but I hope it helps other people currently living in abusive relationships to see there is hope and healing before it’s too late.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
On a side note: If you had been following the fictitious, public page, Kerry Messer’s Inner Discourse on Facebook you have likely noticed that it has disappeared. I was contacted yesterday by the anonymous author of Kerry Messer’s Inner Discourse. ‘Someone’ didn’t appreciate the author’s work and reported the page to Facebook.
“The Kerry Messer’s Inner Discourse page has been disabled by Facebook admin for “Violating the Facebook Terms”. There is no exact reason listed. They only provide a link to a list of generic possible reasons.”
I hope to have more on this development soon.
In the meantime, here is the last post which a friend of mine snapped pictures of Sunday night. It is for educational purposes only.
Kerry Messer’s Inner Discourse; April 22, 2017, 9:58 PM (Public Facebook page)
The pastor’s sermon today was about living a secular and sinful lifestyle. He spoke of the Lord giving us a limited amount of time to repent before striking us down with His righteous judgement. The pastor applied much effort into explaining the importance of repentance and how we will ultimately be held accountable for our own actions.
Although he wasn’t preaching this just for me, it seemed appropriate for my situation. I wonder sometimes if I should feel remorse for my action. It seems logical for me to do so, but I just feel…nothing. No remorse. No repentance. It’s not that I lack all emotion. I feel emotions in other situations: sadness when I lose a friend, anger when I am betrayed or when things don’t go as planned, happiness when I see that special someone, pride at a job well done. So I ask myself, what am I missing?
Some people don’t understand that there is a distinct difference between guilt and regret. Guilt stems from doing something that you wish you hadn’t done. Regret stems from doing something that you wish you would have done differently. Sure I’ve felt regret. Those were the times I was kicking myself for making a decision in haste or anger, instead of taking the time to calm down and use a clear head. I have become familiar with regret at least a few times in my past.
As for guilt and I, we remain strangers. Who knows? Maybe we’ll meet someday.
And one more C.S. Lewis quote sent in by reader Cheryl Bowles Summers:
A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is alright. This is common sense really. You understand sleep when you are awake, not well you are sleeping.
~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity