Link

Assaulted mom needs help.

Will you help?

A Facebook friend posted a plea for financial aid and prayer help for a local mom with whom she goes to church and she has known for many years. Michelle and the children fled their home the evening of the assault and spent the next three weeks in a domestic violence shelter. During that time, an order for protection was filed against her husband. She is now back home with the children.

Of course, I began private messaging information that I thought might be useful and important during this time of financial and legal need for her friend.

Mid-week brought an opportunity for me to talk with and pray for this abused mom, Michelle. I’m overwhelmed for her! Michelle has multiple sclerosis so she obviously battles health issues. Michelle has nine children and is in a high risk pregnancy with number ten on the way. Put that combination together and imagine how a woman who has been a stay-at-home mom the last nine years is going to find a job to support her family when she isn’t capable of working during this pregnancy; plus not many employers will be thrilled to find out a new employee will need time off for MS health issues, and/or time off for taking care of sick kids when they come home from school with the latest virus.

There is a common thread woven through Michelle’s abuse that I often refer to on my blog under Toxic Tuesday posts. It’s a common factor (term/diagnosis) I hear of over and over by abused women.

I’m not able to go into details about the attack against Michelle for legal reasons, or about what is taking place in the courts. I can tell you that she is optimistic, hopeful, joyful, and is living day by day trusting in God…and praying…and keeping scriptures printed out and in front of her to help through difficult daily moments.

I’m asking my readers to go to the below  YOUCARING link and make a contribution to help Michelle purchase groceries and take care of immediate financial needs for her family.

Please pray for Michelle, and for her kids. Obviously, when abuse happens with children in the home the children are also traumatized.

Thank you in advance for your compassion.

Hebrews 13:16 “Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God.”

Michelle Teeter

Status

Who retains Kerry Messer? Here’s the list

Blind to sinBetween July 2016 and present day I have posted approximately forty articles about the disappearance and discovery of Lynn Messer. I have interviewed Lynn’s son Abram Messer multiple times and have been given permission to post personal letters written by her son Aarron Messer. I have spoken with some of Lynn’s extended family members, friends whom she attended church with, and in whom she confided personal details about her life. All their stories have common threads; showing a tapestry of Lynn’s history that doesn’t resemble anything Kerry Messer writes on his Find Lynn Messer Facebook page.
See/click these links/paragraphs for Kerry Messer’s own words:
“For the first time in 39 years I kissed someone other than my wife, Lynn. If you want to call that an affair, then you call it that term. But this is not an affair,” Messer said in an interview. “This is a very cautious relationship that’s in a holding pattern while we wait to find out about Lynn. I’m a married man.” 
In an interview last week, Kerry Messer said his relationship with Thomas began around Christmas 2014 — about five months after his wife disappeared.

But Schott, of the Sheriff’s Department, said detectives had confirmed a relationship between Kerry Messer and Thomas months earlier — about eight weeks after Lynn Messer disappeared.

Messer said in an interview that he disclosed the relationship to police voluntarily and upon advice from pastors.

However, police say Messer first told them about Thomas only after authorities already had learned of the relationship from her, while visiting her farm. Hours later, police say, Messer called them to disclose the relationship.

Schott said Thomas was seen by police among search parties organized soon after Lynn’s disappearance. Police said she has refused further questioning.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I never received a reply from Families for Home Education after my second inquiry regarding them continuing to retain Kerry Messer as their state lobbyist. Likewise, other people I know who wrote them letters and emails didn’t receive any type of courtesy reply.

I learned during this process that the executive directors for the FHE board are Al and Sheryl Schmidt and that Sheryl is the one who has significant input as to if FHE continues, or doesn’t continue, to retain Kerry Messer.  I placed a phone call and  Mrs. Schmidt (Sheryl) answered the phone. I explained who I was and that I was calling to find out if FHE had decided if they were going to continue retaining Kerry Messer, call a meeting to discuss it, or end their relationship with him. Sheryl put me on hold, picked back up after a lengthy wait and said, “Carolyn,” and then had her husband take over without telling me. I figured I was being put on hold for that purpose and possibly for the conversation to be recorded. I was fine with that but it made me wonder why they have, according to Al, registered Sheryl as a state lobbyist for FHE if she wasn’t comfortable taking a call from me and answering questions. I explained myself again and informed Al I was calling to verify that FHE still retains Kerry as their lobbyist, as is on record with the state capitol. Mr. Schmidt retorted that FHE is not going to base their decisions on opinions being played out on internet, TV and in the newspapers. They have instead chosen to weigh the character of a man they have known for 25 years and who has done an outstanding job representing and protecting homeschoolers and family values. He insisted my sources are not telling me the truth and repeatedly advised me, “We are all sinners, Carolyn and we need to forgive. We must remember balance and forgiveness.” 

I was told by Mr. Schmidt the sheriff does not support what I’m saying about Kerry having a relationship with another woman.  I’m grateful Mr. Schmidt was honest about FHE’s opinions.

The following is what I attempted to tell him, but I was interrupted with several, “We are all sinners. We need to forgive, Carolyn” comments. I reminded him that when unconfessed sin is involved it is our duty to hold our brother accountable. And although I wasn’t saying Kerry had committed a crime, if it turns out a crime was committed, then we need to allow the law, a tool God gave us for the protection of the innocent and for justice, to do its job. He insisted we need to forgive. I tried to remind him forgiveness has its place, but it’s separate from consequences, accountability, and justice. I don’t recall if I was able to finish the entire sentence.

I hope this makes it all the easier for FHE members to withhold paying next year’s membership dues. In my opinion, it’s time to find a new group to lead the state of Missouri in protecting homeschool freedoms and safe guarding our reputation.  I sent FHE direct quotes from Kerry that were published in the newspaper regarding the other woman, published by his sons about what Kerry told investigators about his sexual needs, and newpaper publications about Kerry kissing the other woman who was not his wife; an ongoing relationship of 2+ years. Al Schmidt said they have known Kerry for over 25 years and they must balance what they personally know about this man against unproven allegations.

Direct quotes printed in the newspaper and stated by law enforcement are not allegations. Direct quotes from Kerry Messer’s own mouth are not allegations.

How do Mr. and Mrs. Schmidt think Aarron and Abram Messer feel? They’ve known their dad longer and it’s been an impossible road with unbelievable findings for them to wrap their hearts and minds around!

Here is Al and Sheryl Schmidt’s FHE phone number. I encourage FHE members to call and tell FHE they will no longer support their efforts for the homeschooling community by no longer financially supporting their organization.  (417) 859-79028 or (877) 696-6343 ext. 62. I used the 417 number.

“Institutional betrayal has increasingly become the focus of awareness among survivors of many different forms of trauma. The common theme is the profound breach of trust that occurs when those in positions of authority, by their acts of omission and commission, effectively take the side of the perpetrators in their midst. In these instances, the more the integrity of the institution is compromised, the more it appears that officials will seek to cover up the problem in order to protect the institution’s reputation rather than aiding the victims of abuse.”

Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman

 

A deceased homeschool mom named Lynn Messer deserves our fight for her justice. Her adult, homeschooled sons are victims living through an unimaginable nightmare; waiting to find our how their mom died and if their dad is going to be arrested for involvement.

For the record, I cogitated on Mr. Schmidt’s accusation that my sources were wrong and that the sheriff doesn’t support what I’m saying about Kerry. I did after all reference direct quotes and links from the St. Louis Post Dispatch and Major Jason Schott. I included these quotes in previous letters to homeschool groups and families, and to FHE leadership.

I spoke with Major Jason Schott of the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Department yesterday,  April 5, 2017, and he confirmed the accuracy of the quotes that were published in the newspaper. He repeated the information they have gleaned from the investigation. Investigators confirmed in early November 2014 during their questioning of Spring Thomas that her relationship with Kerry Messer had moved beyond friendship. Spring stated that the relationship began 8 weeks after Lynn disappeared. Although Kerry told a reporter that he disclosed the relationship voluntarily to the authorities he did so after investigators talked to Spring Thomas about the more than friendship, relationship. Kerry called the sheriff hours later to disclose the relationship.

Major Schott confirmed that the St. Louis Post Dispatch article, Missing woman case tears apart Jefferson City lobbying team, which I referenced for several quotes, was true and accurate.

From what I can gather Al Schmidt possibly spoke falsely to me, or did Kerry Messer lie to FHE about true information in news articles and the Investigation Discover Channel show: Disappeared, and Mr. Schmidt was repeating what he had been told?  I highly encourage FHE leadership to call Major Jason Schott to confirm this for yourself; (573) 883-5820.

I have deep concerns about Kerry Messer’s possible involvement in his wife’s disappearance and I believe he needs to be removed from his position as state lobbyist for various organizations if for no other reason than his involvement with Spring Thomas, not his wife, since shortly after Lynn’s disappearance. I understand there has not been an arrest, and I know he is presumed innocent. That doesn’t mean, we as Christians can’t hold him accountable for going against scripture; as testified to by Kerry’s own comments regarding his participation in an extra marital relationship for over two years. 

This disqualifies Kerry Messer from serving the Christian community in a leadership capacity. Attempting to merge Kerry’s stories on his Find Lynn Messer Facbeook page with his media quotes about is girlfriend paints a picture of a duplicitous personality who does not serve my interest in family values or homeschooling issues.

I am asking my readers to call the leaders of Families for Home Education and inform them that since they refuse to do anything about Kerry lobbying for our group that you will no longer consider paying dues to their organization; during the interim we will count on HSLDA to care for our needs and notify us of issues for which we need to contact state reps. Kerry Messer no longer represents our values and he cannot speak for or protect our interests and concerns. At worst he not been cleared of the investigation surrounding his wife’s death and at the least, he was having an affair with a woman not his wife for over two years.  St. Louis Post Dispatch: Missing woman case tears apart Jefferson City lobbying team.

We renounce Kerry’s leadership in any aspect of representation for the great state of Missouri, and we now renounce FHE’s leadership for their lack of biblical accountability dealing with Kerry’s inconsistencies and extra marital relationship.

I am asking my readers to also call Alliance for Life, Americans United for Life, Missouri Association of Christian Child Care Agencies, Inc., Missourians for Personal Safety, and Samaritan Ministries International. The goal is Kerry Messer being removed from his position of state lobbyist for these various organizations. All phone numbers are listed below.

FHE Leadership Board: Look at the map to see in which region you live. 

Region 1: Erin and Charyti Jackson (660) 582-5903                    FHE Region map 2 updated 5-5-16

Region 2: Vacant—leave a voicemail: (877) 696-6343

Region 3: Bill and Cyretta Holbrook (877) 696-6343 ext. 3

Mark & Tacey Brewster (816) 524-1887

Region 4: Dan and Mavis Dey (573) 239-3785

Region 5: Vacant—call: (877) 696-6343

Region 6W: Vacant—call Al and Sheryl Schmidt (417) 859-7908; 1-877-696-6343 ext. 62

Region 6E: Al and Sheryl Schmidt (417) 859-7908; 1-877-696-6343 ext. 62

Region 7: Vacant—call Al and Sheryl Schmidt (417) 859-7908; 1-877-696-6343 ext. 62

 

Below is the current list of Kerry’s lobby principals obtainable from the state capitol. If you have ties to any group you may contact them and voice your concerns, withdraw your membership, or not pay your next membership dues until the problem is resolved.

The Missouri Southern Baptist Convention no longer retains Kerry.  I called them to verify that Kerry is no longer a lobbyist for them. I spoke with Don Hinkle.  He was soft-spoken and wanted to make sure I understood that the only reason Kerry is no longer the lobbyist is because his contract expired and wasn’t renewed due to budget cuts…although Kerry isn’t being paid to lobby for the Southern Baptist Convention, Kerry will always advocate for family values at the state capital. I was hoping for at least, “We have concerns due to the investigation and chose not to renew…or something of the sort. I have been told my Lynn’s family members that they have heard three different explanations. If you want to inquire as to how many other staff lost their jobs due to budget cuts you may call MBC Executive Director, Dr. Yeats (573) 636-0400.
ALLIANCE FOR LIFE Still has Kerry listed as a lobbyist but mainly works with Sam Lee.
P.O. BOX 241
LEE’S SUMMIT MO 64063
417-598-1040
AMERICANS UNITED FOR LIFE—Dropped my call
310 S. PEORIA ST., S-500
CHICAGO IL 60670
312-492-7234
FAMILIES FOR HOME EDUCATION—Contacts listed above

MACCCA – MISSOURI ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN CHILD CARE AGENCIES, INC.—As of last contact Kerry still works for them. They knew his wife was missing but didn’t know her remains had been found.
24302 MAHIN ROAD
LAMONTE MO 65337
660-347-5982
MISSOURIANS FOR PERSONAL SAFETY (gun safety)—I spoke with Kevin Jamison. Yes, Kerry represents them. They have been pleased with how Kerry has been very honest, upfront and forthright with updates on everything. Kerry informed them knew when Lynn went missing, Kerry told them about his relationship with the another woman, told them when Lynn’s remains were found, and informed them when he, Kerry, secured Lynn’s dental records for the authorities; and just in time because they were about to be destroyed. Mr. Jamison said everybody but Kerry (referring to his collegues, knew Kerry’s wife was dead and wouldn’t be returning). 
2614 NE 56TH TER.
GLADSTONE MO 64119-2311
816-455-2669
SAMARITAN MINISTRIES INTERNATIONAL—Samaritan Ministries members are a group of believers that have come together in Biblical community to help bear one another’s medical burdens without the use of health insurance.I explained that I was calling to verify information on record with the Missouri State Capital which lists Kerry Messer as Samaritan’s state lobbyist. He fiddled with his computer, put me on hold, dropped my call, and didn’t return my call. 
P.O. BOX 389
WASHINGTON IL 61571
309-382-3600
MISSOURI BAPTIST CONVENTION, CHRISTIAN LIFE COMMISSION (recently deleted Kerry’s name from their paperwork)
400 EAST HIGH STREET
JEFFERSON CITY MO 65101
(573) 635-7931

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

 

 

 

 

Video

Personality Disorders in Prominent Positions

Toxic46

Do you suspect someone you work with, or know, has a personality disorder? Has the leadership of your company, organization, or church been attempting to remove, dismiss, or terminate the person or their position?

Today I want to show you, with video, what someone with Narcissistic personality disorder Abuse supportersmay look like. While watching this short video, replace the character of Facebook co-founder, Mark Zuckerberg, with a dynamic speaker who has a witty sense of humor and is a leader in the Christian community. Keep in mind that narcissistic personalities can still appear different; some are charismatic—some boring, humorous vs.serious, highly intelligent vs. below average intelligence, well spoken vs. inarticulate, life of the party vs. quiet. Regardless of their differences they have many characteristics in common.

Consider a person who intertwines scripture as a means for emotional control and twists verses to support their dominance over co-workers. A specialist who tries to tell others who they are with no regard to reality.

A person who uses their title or place of leadership as a cover for control, dominance, or even abuse is not only not a leader in the way the Bible sets forth but is instead a moral and spiritual failure. Let me make this clear: When it comes to leadership, domination is never a teaching of the Bible. But servant leadership is.

 

 Now add in a spiritual leader who is hired for being a biblically accurate communicator. Only to later find the person is aggressive and manipulative in the process of gaining control over an organization, church, corporation, committee, or an individual. When confronted about their behavior they insist that their underlying brilliance be seen, acknowledged and praised; not criticized. They are correct; explaining away and justifying their motive, words, or actions.
If you attempt to speak truth into this person’s life; you will not be given opportunity to complete your thoughts and you will not be understood.

When truth is revealed against the backdrop of their deception, sin, or crime they play the “I am special” card and, “This isn’t the way it appears” line. In classic narcissistic fashion they hold up a mirror and reflect the accusation being made against them back at the plaintiff. You will NEVER win an argument with a narcissist or point out their error since they are perfect and do no wrong. Remember the rules and laws do not apply to them: For more on this topic see previous Toxic Tuesday posts about Narcissism.

“Jesus…is the Lion of Judah (Rev. 5:5) and the Lamb of God (Rev. 5:6) – He was lionhearted and lamb like, strong and meek, tough and tender, aggressive and responsive, bold and brokenhearted. He sets the pattern for manhood.” -John Piper

Narcissists like to explain why your accomplishments are of little importance and possibly not true accomplishments. They do not know how to encourage others and be genuinely happy for other’s successes. The only time you are praise worthy is when they can use your achievement to make themselves look better to someone else; or make it seem like your triumph was due to their input in your life.

You will not gain a narcissist’s understanding. You will be ignored, dismissed, and belittled Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard smallwhile the narcissist manipulates behind the scenes with no remorse or twinge of conscience toward the path of destruction they leave behind.

Narcissists are entitled to treat people however they feel with no regard to the other person’s feeling, needs, or input. They make executive decisions for everyone involved without allowing feedback, questions, or creative involvement. They are a god unto themselves and they like to surround themselves with people who believe everything they say without asking questions.

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Narcissists have no boundaries with other people’s feelings, ideas, and needs. When dealing with this personality there are phrases that you need to memorize and keep in your mental pocket.

  1. That’s not what I was thinking; or had in mind.

  2. That’s your opinion.

  3. My decision is final.

  4. I’m not discussing this.

You need to know what you are going to say before confronting someone like this and stick with your script. Most importantly you don’t want to show any emotion. Positive or negative emotion only feeds the narcissist; known as narcissistic supply. You must starve them of the reaction they desire.

It doesn’t matter if you see this type of person committing a crime, yelling at someone, or telling a lie; they will deny it. Worse yet, because they are grand actors and liars it is easy to believe their cover story. I’ve been through this time and time again and I believed the actor/liar on every occasion…they were that good…until I understood I was dealing with a personality disorder. Before that I truly believed they were misunderstood, set-up, manipulated, not at fault, lied about, and…that I was the problem.

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To be clinically diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder a person must exhibit five of nine criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. 

Imagine being in a relationship with someone who meets all nine of the criteria. Once upon a time I lived with such a person. Now imagine the narcissism is the easiest part of the toxic relationship because underneath this surface lurks a tormented dark soul disguised as light.

One does not have to imagine long on this concept of darkness disguised as light since Satan has masqueraded in a cloak of light through the centuries.

Satan is not creative; just a good copycat who counterfeits everything he sees the Heavenly Father do. Satan produces many fake replicas; evil beautifully gift-wrapped with a forged logo or brand name.  As with counterfeit consumer products, Satan’s imitations are of a lower quality, sometimes not working at all, and often have toxic elements; producing toxic people—resulting in a lesser quality of life for God’s beloved children. Satan’s bogus plans, interjected into the lives of humans, have resulted in physical and spiritual deaths. Fatal poison has been packaged as the healing balm of Christ.

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1
Scripture cannot necessarily help you discern a narcissist, a wolf in sheep’s clothing, because they are some of the best actors you will ever see. Dealing with this personality disorder is outside the box for Christians and even for many psychologists. It takes a long-term relationship to identify if a person suffers from narcissistic personality disorder; meeting the criteria in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

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The complexity of a narcissist makes them interesting to study, infuriating to live with, frustrating to work with, and the subject of psychological and spiritual scrutiny.

People can suffer from more than one personality disorder, or have what is called mixed personality disorder where the person meets criteria from several disorders, but not enough in any one of them to make a formal and supportable diagnosis in that area, the appropriate diagnosis is Personality Disorder NOS (not otherwise specified) with X, Y, and Z (or whatever) traits).

One of several overlapping disorders that can co-exist with narcissistic tendencies is obsessive compulsive personality disorder (completely different from obsessive compulsive disorder); characterized by a preoccupation of concern with excessive attention to details, mental and interpersonal control, and a need for control over one’s environment, at the expense of flexibility (everything is black and white to them). Money is viewed as something to be hoarded. Read about the entire criteria of this disorder at PhychCentral. If you question if someone you know has a personality disorder you should research disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel of Mental Disorders – DSM-IV.

Allow me to introduce you to Mr. Fatal Self-Love:

Remove Kerry Messer’s Incentive to Lobby

MO house of rep

I am forging on to round three in my attempt to protect our families from state lobbyist Kerry Messer who is not living by the family values and Biblical principles that you, GiveMe Chocolate readers, and I both espouse. My goal is to keep Christians and the state of Missouri’s homeschooling name and reputation clear of the investigation surrounding Lynn Messer’s death and the innocence or guilt of her husband Kerry Messer.

Kerry Messer has by his own testimony been in an extramarital relationship with a woman since shortly after his wife Lynn disappeared. In scripture Jesus set the precedence that sin is to be dealt with specifically. Confronting sin is not the same as judging; making your own opinion about someone.

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See/click these links/paragraphs for Kerry Messer’s own words:
“For the first time in 39 years I kissed someone other than my wife, Lynn. If you want to call that an affair, then you call it that term. But this is not an affair,” Messer said in an interview. “This is a very cautious relationship that’s in a holding pattern while we wait to find out about Lynn. I’m a married man.” 
In an interview last week, Kerry Messer said his relationship with Thomas began around Christmas 2014 — about five months after his wife disappeared.
But Schott, of the Sheriff’s Department, said detectives had confirmed a relationship between Kerry Messer and Thomas months earlier — about eight weeks after Lynn Messer disappeared.
Messer said in an interview that he disclosed the relationship to police voluntarily and upon advice from pastors.
However, police say Messer first told them about Thomas only after authorities already had learned of the relationship from her, while visiting her farm. Hours later, police say, Messer called them to disclose the relationship.
Schott said Thomas was seen by police among search parties organized soon after Lynn’s disappearance. Police said she has refused further questioning.
“There has been a suggestion that my dad has had affairs in Jefferson City, and my father has issued a challenge asking that anyone who knows of any affair come forward to the media. I would caution anyone who feels that this establishes some kind of alibi to know that it is not fair to do so. Detectives have assured me personally that multiple sources from Jefferson City have already stepped forward with allegations in private. Making his public challenge does not clear your name; it might sound good in a news story but… But the work of Missouri Family Network is renowned in conservative republican circles and anyone who would speak negatively of Kerry or make such an accusation publicly may soon find themselves unemployable. His challenges are not a defense but are intimidating for a victim and in a sense one day could be considered a criminal offence like witness intimidation.”
“Detectives explained how my dad had asked them permission to satisfy his urges for female companionship. That he had complained that he was accustomed to an active sex life and that the absence of Lynn was not simply emotionally draining but physically unbearable. They told him that they didn’t care what he did but they felt that was a conversation that he should be having with a pastor.” 

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For more on the investigation watch Disappeared: American Gothic—The Lynn Messer Case from Investigation Discovery Channel. It aired last night, March 26, 2017, 9:00 p.m. The show is FREE on Investigation Discovery Channel’s website.
I wrote Families for Home Education (FHE) seven months ago respectfully asking them to remove Kerry Messer as the lobbyist on behalf of homeschool families at the state capital. I did not receive an acknowledgment or reply, nor did I receive an acknowledgment or reply my letter two weeks ago. I consider this unacceptable business and ministry practice. I understand it may take days or weeks to call a formal meeting, but they could at the very least have given an acknowledgement that they received the letter and will be praying about it, meeting about it, or completely reject it.
The next step for homeschoolers is to bypass FHE and go directly to the people Kerry Messer works with at the state capital. Below you will find a sample letter you may copy and paste to use for your own purposes. Thank you to Lisa Payne-Naeger at Culture Vigilante for drafting this letter for us. I’ve been told this avenue is only effective if you personally know your rep or senator. So, if you know your rep or senator, please send this letter or call them on the phone.

Dear (Senator/Representative)

Elected representatives do so much more than pass legislation. They shape our culture, and they do it by acting on the kinds of issues that embody the values of the electorate. They often do so by listening to the advice and information of influencers who whisper in their ears, lobbying for or against legislation that regulates our laws, which in turn shapes our culture.

As a Christian and a home educator, I work very hard to not only provide the best educational experiences for my children, but to also instill strong family connections and values that embody respect and compassion for the family foundation.

For many years Christians and homeschooling families have relied on Kerry Messer to represent those values. Unfortunately Mr. Messer’s behavior has been an affront to everything Christians and homeschooling families believe, and it has become painfully apparent that he does not represent my values, viewpoints, or interests.

When Kerry Messer appeared at the FHE Homeschooling Rally more than two weeks ago, it became clear that it was time for Christians and homeschoolers to speak up about whom they choose to represent their voice. Because he has reportedly exhibited abusive behavior towards family members, engaged in adultery, and has not been ruled out in the investigation for the death of his wife, Kerry Messer does not embody our vision for Christian family values and educational freedom.

I feel he has no place at the capitol, and in the future it is my preference for you as my (senator/representative) to seek counsel from your constituents in all matters concerning family and education.

It is incumbent upon all of us to make sure you as my representative are hearing our voices above those from lobbyists who do not represent our values.

Sincerely,

Here are the links you may use to easily find contact info for your rep and senator.
LIST OF MISSOURI STATE SENATORS
LIST OF MISSOURI STATE REPRESENTATIVES

Thanks again for speaking out and taking a stand against not only this travesty, but helping to shape the wider culture by not blindly accepting this kind of behavior in our society.

Side Note: State reps can’t remove Kerry Messer and they do not have the authority to tell various groups who they can and cannot hire as a lobbyist; they do however, have the authority to not allow Mr. Messer in their offices.

My representative confirmed that Mr. Messer has lost his effectiveness at the state capital with the reps. Ask your rep. if they too can verify this. Because of this, my understanding is that Mr. Messer is now spending his time with the senators.

You may also call U.S. Senator Roy Blunt of Missouri:  202-224-5721 https://www.blunt.senate.gov/public/index.cfm/contact-roy (I been informed that Kerry Messer has had the favor, ear and help of Senator Blunt for the last 2 ½ + years.) Let’s inform Senator Blunt, in Washington DC,  of our stance on Kerry Messer representing us on Capitol Hill in Jefferson City.

 

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

Link

4th Short Clip: Disappeared Lynn Messer

Disappeared Lynn Messer

 

Disappeared: American Gothic will air tomorrow, March 26, 2017 on  Investigation Discovery Channel at 9:00 p.m. central time.

In this clip Lynn’s son Abram brings up a perceptive and logical talking point about suicide victims. I agree with Abram. I’ve never heard of a person committing suicide and doing this either. I looked under dozens of Google search terms and came up with zero such instances.

Watch what Abram has to say here: I was not able to embed the video to my blog so you will have to click on the link. Disappeared Investigation Discovery Channel

Also, friends of Lynn’s have set up a new Facebook page; Find Lynn Messer II where Lynn’s life may be remembered and  honored in a loving, caring and loyal setting.

https://mobile.twitter.com/DiscoveryID/status/845668372884926464/video/1

 

Aside

Lynn Messer: 1st Forensics Results

Lynn

The pathology and forensic test results are beginning to be released by investigators.

Here is what the family has been told so far:

Lynn has really been gone the entire time and her body has been exposed to the elements the entire time. Police said it just confirmed what they already knew. There were no other specifics, which leaves many questions.

This laid to rest questions and thoughts that have occupied Lynn’s loved one’s minds. Such as, if Lynn had left of her own will, wandered off, and came back after organized searches.This disproved that idea.

A reminder to my readers: The soil samples are what we have been praying about…See: Lynn Messer: Reversal of Destiny

 

KFVS 12 just updated this: According to Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff Gary Stolzer, a medical examiner in St. Louis said that she does not believe Lynn’s bones moved since she disappeared. Stolzer said that would indicate that her body remained in the same spot since she disappeared in July 2014.

March 24, 2017, 5:00 p.m. update:

I’m learning that there may be some conflicting headlines regarding today’s report. Not all forensics and pathology reports are in right now and it may require putting multiple reports together to reach conclusions. So my understanding is…today’s report from The St. Louis County Medical Examiner’s Office states it appears Messer’s body was out there for the two year time period.

Someone may have jumped the gun on this statement being the same as… the body was located at that same spot the full two years. The soil samples are not in yet.

I’m sticking to my original statement, Lynn has really been gone the entire time and her body has been exposed to the elements the entire time.

Video

DailyJournal Online: Lynn Messer

 

Here is the DailyJournal Online’s article which was published this morning. It’s a long article so click on the link at the end of this post and scroll through all the ads and sign-up boxes to continue reading the entire article.

The article is written by Renee Bronaugh who has been covering Lynn’s case from the time of Lynn’s disappearance. 

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Here are a few excerpts from the article; along with, a few comments from me.

Abram: “They spent just as much time down at the sheriff’s department,” he said. “They have been very thorough and nothing we did with them was forced. Everything was within the context of, ‘if you are comfortable sharing this with us and will allow us to tell this story, then we would like to be able to tell this story with you.’”

Now, Abram said, nearly five months after discovery of his mother’s remains, the family is still waiting on results of the forensic work. He said that law enforcement told him the case is like putting together a puzzle. They have all these pieces laid out on the table and they can begin to see which piece fits where.

“As they start putting parts of the story together and parts of the evidence together, they can begin to see a much clearer picture of what all has transpired,” Abram said. “There are just one or two pieces of that puzzle still missing and forensics are going to answer those questions.”

Abram and his family are holding out hope there will be people who watch the show — maybe someone from Jefferson City, somebody from his father’s church or somebody who he knows — and it will help them to recall conversations they have had with his father.

“I hope they think about different things they know, because so many different people had come out to help us search,” he said. “The entire community has been involved and our hope now with the show, is those people watching, maybe there is somebody out there who has one piece of information who can put the whole puzzle together and bring closure to this entire investigation.”

“All of the producers we have been working with have all stayed in contact with us, looking for updates and waiting right along with us,” he said. “Their care and concern was more than just a professional courtesy. They were very genuine and very caring and truly interested. You could tell it wasn’t about ratings. Everybody we have worked with over the taping of the show has been really wonderful. They have opened their hearts to us and it has been a very unique experience.”

He said two reenactment clips he’d seen from the show were very powerful which leads him to believe the show’s crew paid close attention through the course of the interviews.

Kerry: “Kerry said he didn’t respond to any of the show’s attempts to contact him and has never spoken to them or responded to them by any other means.”

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In other words, it appears everything Kerry says throughout the article, and on the Find Lynn Messer Facebook page, about the show and its crew is strictly his opinion and not based on facts.

According to Abram’s testimony the crew had a genuine interest in telling the whole story. The show’s goal is to help find the missing person. Therefore they are rewarded with terrific ratings through telling the truth of the story from different viewpoints of witnesses, friends, and family members. Recovering someone who has disappeared is the ultimate goal and reward for ‘Disappeared‘ producers and crew doing the taping for Investigation Discovery Channel. Yes, your read that correctly. This isn’t an entertainment tabloid show…it’s Investigation Discovery Channel.

One of my readers commented on a recent post about Lynn, “It is very telling that Kerry is getting so nervous about this show. He has broken with his protocol and has discussed the investigation on his Facebook page. He actually referred to his affair and contradicted what he had previously publicly said about the romantic, physical relationship with Spring Thomas before he knew that his wife was dead. He is getting out ahead of this in attempting to discredit it and guilt people into not watching it. I am confident that this will continue to open the eyes of those who have been blinded and I hope that investigators re-double their efforts to evaluate where the evidence leads.”

In my opinion, I agree with this reader.

It appears Kerry Messer has very few followers and friends left on his Find Lynn Messer page. What better way to keep those few from thinking through the evidence and testimony than shaming them for considering watching the show and convincing them it’s all fabricated; spun and twisted for entertainment value?

Friends, co-workers, church members, and family members must put loyalties aside and report any little detail or conversation they recall. Who knows? They may be holding a piece, or the last piece, to the investigative puzzle. 

Read the entire article here…

Lynn Messer case to be featured on TV series Sunday

 

 

Video

Disappeared Short Clips: Lynn Messer

Below is a portion of Kerry Messer’s latest entry on the Find Lynn Messer Facebook page.

Kerry makes his case for why he isn’t happy about the airing of Disappeared. I’m adding a bit of my perspective to his story; rebuttals to some of his statements.

Disappeared was filmed before Lynn’s body was discovered and the purpose for allowing this program to share Lynn’s story was to hopefully help find her and to bring closure to the case.

Kerry Messer’s writing is in blue. My response is in red.

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Hurting hearts have left a significantly large number of people vulnerable to wild imaginations. These have been fed by unbelievably hateful speculations and accusations founded in nothing more than a search for anything to believe in – something to cling to for an explanation.

Nope…fed by Spring Thomas, your girlfriend being identified as part of a search party on your property looking for your wife.

Fed by…Different, and reportedly untrue stories, you told investigators and your sons about the note that was at least in part, possibly in whole, written by Lynn.

Fed by your comments that Abram isn’t working through his grief in a healthy manner. You are the one who reportedly made inaccurate comments about the note to him, and forced their family out of their home? He has a right to defend himself and tell his side of the story.

Note: We are all sinners. We all deserve the worse, but we all desire grace. Through The Lord’s incredible love, He offers us the grace we need but don’t deserve. However, we are all still sinners by nature as well as by choice. And like it or not, a common default expression of our sin nature which every single one of us share is the propensity to remember the negative about other people more than the positive. We also fall prey to believing the worse about those we don’t know or care for. And we all tend to stand up for those we relate to while turning against those we do not relate to. And our personal worldviews are established more by our general biases and beliefs than facts or truths.

What? We remember the positive, but the negative is so overwhelming that it can’t be dismissed, overlooked, or forgotten. Our ‘biases and beliefs’ are based on biblical principles of the marriage covenant as set forth by God; not man’s own spin on what is or isn’t an affair.

Simply stated: We believe what we want to believe. We accept ideas as either absolute facts or as mere theories more often than not without ever examining actual evidences. If something fits our mental or emotional comfort level, we accept it. If it challenges our comfort level, we reject it. You can call it relativity, moral relativism, subjective reality, alternative reality, self-identity truth, modernism, post-modernism or whatever else the contemporary literature comes up with, but at its core it is nothing more than an expression of the sin nature we all possess.

Are you the one who believes in moral relativism? You are the one who had a girlfriend, at the least, within weeks of your wife disappearing. You are the one who admitted to kissing this woman but wouldn’t admit to an affair. Mr. Messer, sex is not the only aspect of an affair. By your own account you had a close friendship with this woman and were emotionally involved with her. Your sons have given testimony that the friendship predated Lynn’s disappearance and they even say it was an unhealthy attraction/friendship. I won’t argue when the relationship began and how involved it was; by Biblical standards you were having an affair while you said you still believed you were a married man. According to your testimony you were alone with her on multiple occasions, had a meaningful relationship and you kissed her on the lips.

So what in the world am I driving at?

The fact is, on the night of July 7th, 2014, I lost my Bride. Almost a year later, I lost my entire in-law family to scathing false rumors deliberately created to cause more pain and stress. Another year later and I lost the rest of my family to an avalanche of imaginative accusations. Sadly, much of the garbage seems to be very deliberately designed to drive wedges and divide already hurting hearts. All in the name of ‘helping’!?!?!

I find it odd how you plea that your family be more careful of their words and your feelings, while it appears from media reports and interviews of you that you don’t afford them the same courtesy. Furthermore; I haven’t heard wild accusations from them; just questions and accounts that are confirmed by multiple witnesses.

How in the world do people think they can help by spreading lies is beyond me. I have never known of anyone being benefited by folks bearing false witness. When is the last time you have seen healing amidst hurting thanks to an onslaught of lies? Yet far too many folks think they can help by repeating accusations without ever talking to the one being accused.

I guess we need to know the specific lies to which you are referring?

In two years and well over eight months I have had a grand total of three (3) people bother to contact me directly to ask questions about the things they have heard which concerned them. A great number of friends have responded to me in the course of our normal conversations about the scope of the dozens of false accusations they hear regularly. These are faithful friends who do not spread the garbage. But others have fallen prey to the trash talk and some have joined the chorus of gossipers and rumor mongering.

In Your Daily Journal video interview you listed 4 news outlets. I’ll add the St. Louis Post Dispatch as a fifth. Readers may view the video at the following link: Timer at 22:12 into the video. http://dailyjournalonline.com/videos/full-interview-with-kerry-messer/youtube_e7b0a20d-252f-51f8-a539-bdc241c44838.html

You stated: “There’s 4 news agencies that I felt actually tried to help us in the beginning; not just write a story but actually showed real interest in trying to help us find Lynn; The Daily Journal out of Farmington, The Missouri Times out of Jefferson City, Channel 12 News – Cape Girardeau, and Channel 2 News in St. Louis.” You said they were” the four who had shown real interest in who we are” inferring there were possibly others but you didn’t like the line of questions or the direction the journalist would take with the article.

What has all of this got to do with the title for this post “Help vs. Entertainment”?

First of all, God’s timing can seem confusing, but it is always best. This week I was already struggling with the key themes of Psalms 108 and 109, and that short line which has dogged me and aided me at the same time for over two and a half years, “…vain is the help of man”.

Secondly, man’s help has been of great value throughout this entire ordeal on countless fronts! But no man’s help has had an ounce of healing influence on my shredded heart. No man’s help has offered any significant solace to the stresses that have been eating me alive. No man’s help has given any light to this path down here in this dark valley of shadows. Yet I owe a great measure of “thanks” to literally hundreds of people who have helped in the ways they could, and can, and continue to do!

And thirdly: While entertainment has varying degrees of value under certain circumstances…

My Bride’s disappearance is not supposed to be a source for entertainment!!!

No, not entertainment; this confirms that your sons and their families were desperate to find their mom. They wanted resolution and if a national show could give a glimmer of hope to finding answers it was worth it.

It is not helpful to use Ma’s death, nor any false rumors, imaginative speculations, or accusations, as a source of entertainment!!!

The gut wrenching discovery of Lynn’s remains is not an acceptable source of entertainment!!!

Again, this show was planned in advance of the discovery of Lynn’s remains and Lynn’s remains were not found until after the show had concluded its filming.

They know their storyline is not true!!! And they do NOT care!!!

This is NOT news! This is entertainment at the expense of a distraught family!!!

Our tragedy is NOT supposed to be sold to advertisers!!!

Our pain is NOT supposed to be used for entertainment!!!

You appear to be one of the only family members, if not the only, who takes issue with this television program.  

Are we motivated by past friendship, loyalty, sympathy and fear for the person offended or by the distress, pain and heartache of the children of the dead? Make certain your compassion is properly placed and driven by love of truth and justice.

The following links are clips from the televised program which uses actors to portray the Messer family. The first link in embedded; the second link you have to click to be taken to the video.

 

https://www.investigationdiscovery.com/tv-shows/disappeared/videos/the-moment-that-the-family-of-lynn-messer-discovered-she-had-vanished Disappeared

 

 

https://www.investigationdiscovery.com/tv-shows/disappeared/videos/the-moment-that-the-family-of-lynn-messer-discovered-she-had-vanished

 

Video

Lynn Messer: Watch DISAPPEARED March 26, 2017

 

American Gothic

Lynn’s story will be the season opener for the show DISAPPEARED on the channel Investigation Discovery.  Next Episode – Season 8 – Episode 1 : American Gothic, March 26, 2017

In Missouri, bible teacher Lynn Messer goes missing from her family’s farmhouse, and investigators must decipher a cryptic handwritten note; two years later, skeletal remains are found in a wooded area on Messer’s farm. kerry-messer-and-lynn

Watch the trailer here:

Quote

Aarron Messer: FHE, Kerry Messer

These are Aarron Messer’s own words from his public Facebook page. He is once again allowing me to post his thoughts to my readers.
Side note: I posted the Petition to FHE: Remove Kerry Messer on FHE’s public FB page and it was quickly removed.
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FHE
Today, a letter requesting that FHE distance themselves from my father began to circulate. I, too, am surprised that FHE has continued their relationship with my father as a representative of the organization. I understand it’s hard to take that step and separate yourself from someone who has been a champion and celebrated voice of your community. Being homeschooled was one of the greatest advantages of my life. It has been something I have been proud of. The work my dad has accomplished for FHE and many wonderful institutions supporting families throughout Missouri has been immeasurable. I, too, do not want to see Kerry’s ministry and work tarnished in this way. I want to pull back the curtain today. The point is not trash homeschooling, my parents or FHE, but just to remind us all that we are people.
Every movement every cause has supporters. Each church is filled with people as in our families and homes. Those people are sinners. They make mistakes and their lives are scarred by the consequences of their actions. Just to illustrate that I am going to share some details with you. Many of you will know the people I am talking about. They are my family and yours. I won’t give names, but I want you to know that your champions are flawed. Every one of them. I am no different and neither are you. You, too, can fall. Sin can wreak havoc in your life just as it has in many of our friends and loved ones in this community and in mine.
Homeschooling is wonderful, and it is rooted in a basic return to fundamental truth. Children are the responsibility of parents. Teaching and preparing your children for the world is your duty as a parent. Let me tell you about my family. If you were homeschooled, you may have had similar experiences or heard stories much like those I am about to share. My parents were from a rural community in Ste Genevieve County, but that isn’t the whole picture.
See my Grandparents on my dad’s side left Arkansas when they were 17, got married and moved to Illinois. Seven months later, my Uncle Danny was born, and no one talked about it. My grandfather was illiterate. He had lived in poverty working is his entire childhood as a sharecropper. His family owned nothing. They worked to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. He taught himself to read as best he could from the Bible.
He did what he could as a 17 year old father and husband – he went to work. He worked in meat-packing in East St. Louis. He worked hard to support his 3 boys and a daughter who wouldn’t live past her 1st birthday. He worked hard and long hours on the kill floor. He saw the money being made from farmers bringing their beef to be processed. He dreamed of having something of his own. He bought the family farm my dad owns now and tried to become a farmer over and over again. He would borrow money, buy a herd and inevitably sell off the herd to pay off the loan. He didn’t make it, but when he moved from Illinois to Ste Gen County and to the farm multiple things happened.
The family had no phone. The boys in middle school were held back a year. Danny, Kerry and Gary lived on DD. As many of you who have lived in this county know, they were labeled as trouble makers from K Road. My dad was a loner – he was from a a Baptist family in a Catholic county. They were snubbed in Ste Gen and they made Festus home for all their shopping needs. The school policy prohibited the kids from taking school books home after school. The bus ride an hour away to Ste Gen was more than enough distance to separate a family from the school. With no phone, the school had little contact with my grandparents who were unaware their kids were held back a year. My dad was a classic middle kid. His older brother and younger brother ganged up on him. They skipped school together and when my dad threatened to tell, they broke his arm.
My grandfather was a quiet man who didn’t really know how to communicate with his kids. There wasn’t much family bonding shall we say. I know every one of his kids was cut at one point or another by his chainsaw gathering firewood. He wasn’t abusive, but he was just kind of unobservant. Danny, the oldest, graduated and joined the military. Gary was popular as the youngest, but he went off to Florida and unfortunately was killed by a drunk driver. From the rumors my dad shared when I was kid, he was probably in Florida running drugs.
The stories I was told of my dad’s school experience went something like this: he didn’t want to do homework. If he didn’t do homework, he got a whipping at school, but he just took his whipping everyday. He could take that and then he didn’t have to do his homework.
Don’t get me wrong; dad is smart. He remembers and shared how college and career day in Ste Gen high school consisted of every kid from in town being taken to college tours. The county kids were given job applications for the factories and mines. He told us of teachers who were drunk in every class, who gave grades on the basis of how short your dress was and if you sat in the front row uncrossing your legs often enough for him to have a peek.
My dad fondly kept a creative writing paper on how to make the perfect peanut butter sandwich which he turned in 3 or 4 times to the same teacher cutting the grade off each time. The teacher was too high to notice it was the same paper. He fondly recalls fostering a relationship for a whole year with the psychology teacher just to tell him off on the last day of class. That’s right – my dad spent the entire semester becoming the teacher’s pet just to be able to call the teacher an asshole in class on the last day of school.Respect for teachers and the education system was not exactly fostered in their home.
Just over the fence from the farm was an old one room school house long abandoned. It had fallen in before I came along, but I remember it and my dad shared how he learned more sneaking into that building and reading the old books left behind in it than from his teachers. Now, my dad is no dummy. In Jefferson City, many people assume my dad is an attorney because of his familiarity with the law. He isn’t. He never went to college – not one day. In fact. he told me not to bother going – it’s a waste. Unless you have to have a degree for your job, you’re just wasting money to go to school.
My mother grew up with 2 sisters. She was a middle child and rebellious against her catholic family. When she fell for dad at 14, she turned her back on her family and it got ugly. My dad was older. He graduated and went to work in St. Louis at a grain elevator. At 17, my mom ran away from home and lived with my dad’s parents. In December, they got married. It was her senior year and the school looked at her academic record. She had all her credits needed to graduate, but getting married. . .ah…you didn’t need to do that, so they refused to give her a diploma. Few people realize that high schools can actually withhold your diploma and refuse to allow you to graduate for any reason they want.
Fifteen months later in St. Louis, I was born. Thirteen months later, Abram came along as well. Young parents popping out kiddos, their hands full, a mortgage, a job, volunteering with their church as bus captains and youth leaders – active as can be. Enthralled with the theological fallacies of the day, they fell headlong into the “Tim Lahaye-the-end-is-near” malarkey. They thought, “We don’t have time to raise a family. We need to be busy serving God.” So, my dad had a vasectomy. A few years later when they tried to get it reversed and the reversal failed, my parents wept over never being able to have more children having believed that it could be reversed anytime. Not having the money for the private Christian school at their church and living in the City of St. Louis, my mother and father were disgusted with public schools, so as my mother would say, “If I can teach them to tie their shoes and teach them the alphabet, I can teach them to read and write.” So we were homeschooled.
Now, homeschooling was technically against the law in Missouri at the time. My parents – true rebels and in probably their most radical years – made a plan. If anyone tried to stop them from homeschooling, my mother would take us and drive to Arkansas to family who would hide us from the authorities. My dad would stand boldly and dare the State to arrest him for teaching his own children. He went and stood on the steps of the capital in Jefferson City and publicly declared, “I am homeschooling my children in violation of the law, arrest me or change that law.” This is how Kerry Messer started to fight for homeschooling in Missouri. Just as the theologians and the Christian Coalition kicked off in the 80’s, MFN my dad’s ministry began and he has served in the political field for years since. Yes, we stood by families threatened by DFS for homeschooling. We saw the laws change and Missouri has the best homeschooling laws in the entire country.
But, that doesn’t make us good people – we are just people who have done some good. My dad is hard headed and self-determined. Of course, that apple hasn’t fallen far. You know when I learned of his secret affair with his new Girlfriend back in April and May of 2015, I confronted him. My single biggest objection and concern that I shared with him over and over was how all the good things, all the positive work, all the people who have been blessed and honored by his service and his ministry now have to face the question, “Who is Kerry?” How can his work mean anything when he is a liar and a cheater and maybe he did something awful to his wife?
To quote a Senator from Missouri when asked about Kerry this legislative session, “He wasn’t welcome in my office before he killed his wife.” My father has tarnished and ruined the reputation of his ministry and our family. I sat and I implored him and I was baffled at his replies.
My father decided within weeks of my mother’s “disappearance” death that having a girlfriend was more important than the entire ministry of MFN. It was more important than all the organizations he ever represented, than every cause every belief he ever represented. That made no sense to me.
How is it possible for a man to decide, “My wife is missing, but I would rather have a girlfriend today than honor my wife’s memory, her passions and beliefs, my own family or their beliefs and ideologies. I would rather give up every cause and every good thing I have ever stood for so I can have my girlfriend.” But he did it.
We are all sinners. We all screw up. Did Kerry do wonderful things for FHE? Absolutely. But does his life represent the values he once stood for? No. He no longer represents Missouri Baptists, his own church and many of his supporters have quietly walked away. And I warned him and I told him this was the result, and he chose this path knowing it would happen.
But let me tell you, in the community of homeschoolers, the families I have known – we are close. We grew up together. You don’t think that parents will let you down. My whole life, I was that weird kid whose parents weren’t divorced. I was the kid whose mom didn’t work and who cooked every meal at home and who sacrificed everything to raise us because it was her duty – her sacred privilege to teach us and to raise us to be godly, young men. And she did it.
I look around and I see those same parents, sacred elders, revered friends, folks I considered to be family – I see divorced homes. I see families suffering from mothers who left for careers they had abandoned or for men that had written them from prison and seduced them into leaving their husbands. I see a young man my age – a genius who earned full ride scholarships to be nuclear engineer – who had to raise his own brothers and sisters when his dad took his own life. I see that man espousing atheism and rejecting everything he was raised in. I see people who I revered and who I now know molested their own children. I see friends who lost their family farm because their dad died from a heart attack after his wife left him. I see my friends struggled to pay the bills left behind from their mother and father’s divorce. I see family after family who were homeschooled whose children are struggling realizing that their parents weren’t the saints they thought they were. I saw friends who were raised in loving homes, but who married selfish men who cheated on them and they live alone afraid to remarry or even date because of how they have been wronged.
Sin. I remember that spirit of rebellion and defiance so ingrained and so natural spouting through me. In the second grade Sunday School class, my teacher asked me, “What’s your favorite Bible story?” Showing off, I said, “That one where the lady drives the tent peg through that guy’s head.” In horror, the teacher said, “Oh, I don’t think that’s in the Bible.” My rebellious, little mouth shot off, “I know more about the Bible than you.” Then, the next week, I brought my Bible and pointed out the passage and proved how much smarter than her I was.
As a high school freshman, I left the youth department. The immaturity and lack of depth in the Bible study just drove me nuts. I started teaching the young adult class at 15. I went on mission trips. I was so sure of myself. I was better than the rest of you – or at least I was smarter, and, if not smarter, I was at least right and you were wrong.
Then I married someone. And I had no idea what I was doing. I stumbled in the dark for a dozen years – lost and confused and afraid. Afraid to ask for help. Afraid to admit sin. Afraid to say, “I am no better than anyone else.” Afraid to admit that I wasn’t smarter than you. Afraid that you might know better than me. Afraid that I might be wrong. I worked hard-headed and cock sure and my boss fired me. Two years later, he hired me back and he called me Aarron 2.0. He worked with me and he held me accountable. He made me say that I was wrong and that I was sorry. It was like being forced to hold your hand in the fire. It hurt. I grew. I learned that I am wrong. I make mistakes. I am fallible. My wife left me and I hit bottom, oh so hard.
Now, I know the truth. We are all guilty. We have all done wrong. We all need salvation. We need humility. I hurt when I see the pain of sin in my friends in my family. I cried when I read that letter.
If you have been a part of the homeschool community, your life has been deeply affected by the work of Kerry Messer. He had championed you and your cause for 30 years, but he chose to walk away from his values and his family.
I don’t like it, but he does not represent what he has done in the past or FHE or you or me anymore. I am so sorry. We love you and we love him, but don’t let his personal failure be the end of your passion. It won’t be the end of mine.

Petition to FHE: Remove Kerry Messer

I’m calling all Missouri homeschooling families to write FHE; Families for Home Education Lynn Messerand request Kerry Messer’s removal as the state lobbyist. We, homeschooling families, DO NOT want our movement splashed across media headlines due to Kerry Messer. I believe he needs removed…for several reasons. (Please forward this to your homeschool contacts.)

Numerous homeschool families were appalled to see Kerry Messer at the homeschool rally in Jefferson City, Tuesday, March 6, 2017. Is FHE aware that people were not clapping for Kerry and several families walked out due to Kerry’s presence?

Below is a letter FHE and its leaders received yesterday from Cheryl Bowles Summers. You may copy and paste this letter in its entirety, or in part, and send it to the  contact list at the end of this post. I sent it to the leadership of various homeschool groups around the state.

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My parents, Charles (Chuck) and Marcia Bowles were instrumental in the home education movement in the early to mid-1980s.  We were one of two families named in the class action suit filed in federal court in 1984 and are listed in the history of FHE-MO on the “About” page of your website.

I was one of those kids threatened with placement in foster care for educational neglect.
I am writing to implore you to remove Kerry Messer from his position as FHE’s lobbyist.  I am ASTOUNDED that he would be invited to speak at the event in Jefferson City yesterday.  What does this say to the young eyes of today’s homeschool students who were watching?
While much ambiguity surrounded Mr. Messer when his wife, Lynn initially went missing, that ambiguity has been removed as Aarron and Abram Messer have bravely shared the truth that they know.
That ambiguity has been removed as Kerry’s dishonesty has been revealed.
That ambiguity has been removed as Kerry has publicly admitted to the “Missouri Times” that he initiated a romantic relationship with Spring Thomas just WEEKS after his wife went missing.  http://themissouritimes.com/29221/record-messer-answers-questions-raised-missing-wife/
Kerry has also publicly admitted a physical relationship with Spring prior to the discovery of Lynn’s body last fall.  In a July 2016 St. Louis Post-Dispatch article, he said, For the first time in 39 years I kissed someone other than my wife, Lynn. If you want to call that an affair, then you call it that term.”  http://www.stltoday.com/news/local/govt-and-politics/missing-woman-case-tears-apart-jefferson-city-lobbying-team/article_685b6b96-c31e-5f66-907b-afc86f6f304f.html
Does a married man who ostensibly is unaware of whether his wife of over 30 years is alive or dead immediately begin pursuing another woman?  This is not behavior fitting the nobility of Families for Home Education.
I can only imagine that what is self-evident to many of us who have read Kerry’s posts and the interviews he and his sons have given to the press is also self-evident to many in Jefferson City.   It’s probable there was either an incredible act of violence in the Messer home leading to Lynn’s death or Kerry discovered that Lynn took her own life and has spent the last almost three years covering up what he knows.  He cannot possibly be an effective representative of your organization.
I implore you to make this right.  Keep this organization above reproach.
Sincerely,
Cheryl Bowles Summers
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Here is a brief request I sent to FHE in August of 2016 for which I did not receive an acknowledgement or reply.

In light of Kerry Messer’s admission to an extra-marital relationship with Spring Thomas, and due to the investigation of Lynn’s disappearance, revolving around Kerry; I respectfully ask you to find a different lobbyist for Missouri Homeschoolers. Kerry is not above reproach, and as Christ followers, we need to protect the innocent first. Our homeschooling families are innocent. I suggest you call the Ste Genevieve County Sheriff’s office and ask them if Kerry has stopped cooperating with the investigation, and if he is the main suspect.

Sincerly,

For a different perspective on the case there are 5 articles on the subject that I have written: Lynn Messer: 3 Objectives (These included links to newspaper articles. There are currently 29 articles I have written on Lynn Messer; some of which are interviews with Lynn’s son, Abram Messer and letters by Lynn’s son, Aarron Messer.)

Here are the contacts for FHE:

Video

Toxic Tuesday: Unsafe Relationships

patrick-doyle

 

Are you confused by a relationship?

Does the person you love seem not to appreciate, or to like little, or to like nothing about you?

Do you feel mildly harmed?

Do you ever think about the other person, “Oh, that wasn’t very nice. Or…Oh, they didn’t mean it”?

Do you justify the words and actions of this person?

Do you find yourself denying your instincts?

Are you the person responsible for making everything in the relationship okay?

Or worse…

Do you feel greatly  harmed?

Do you feel like you’re losing your mind?

Do you feel like you can’t do anything right?

Do you feel manipulated?

If you answered yes to one or more of these questions—the below video may be the best invested 22 minutes of your week.

Gain strength, become educated, increase clarity, seek help. For me, Patrick Doyle is the best of the best for sorting out relational questions and difficulties.

 

 

 

Toxic Tuesday: #1 Sign of Emotional Abuse

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If you want to have a stressful life or know what a stressful life is; live in an emotionally abusive relationship. Within the church I think this is more prevalent. And oh boy, would I like to know why!

*Disclaimer— Emotional abuse can take place in any relationship: Friendships, neighbors, parent/child, siblings, co-workers, extended family, but for today’s purpose I’m referring to marriage. Although men can also be the victim, most of the people I come in contact with are women who are suffering in emotionally abusive marriages, or have left an emotionally abusive marriage.

I’ve heard many women say if only he would physically abuse me so someone could see the proof!

If someone hits you in the face and you get a black eye; it will be easy for onlookers to understand what happened. People will say, “Oh, he hit you; that’s wrong. He shouldn’t do that. I’m going to call the police.” Simply put: It’s physical abuse.  On the other hand; when you are alone with him and he says things to you no one knows about, he ignores you, gives you the silent treatment, withholds physical intimacy, withholds finances or necessities from you, and you rarely can do anything to please him, but can’t prove it; you feel hurt, crazy, afraid, intimidated, broken hearted,  unloved and neglected. This is more difficult on so many levels but also just as wrong as physical abuse; it’s emotional abuse.

Here is an example: A husband has a good reputation at church for his service, work, ministry, and/or is known as kind, with warm smile. At home he’s neglectful, doesn’t take responsibility for his actions, he never repents, picks fights, he’s verbally mean, or… he never says anything. He completely rejects the person and disregards them.

Do you recognize yourself in the above scenario? Do you feel like you’re losing your mind?

When you’re with someone who never takes responsibility for their actions you start to feel like you’re crazy. You’re know there’s a problem but when you go talk to your husband he responds, “No, I didn’t do that…you did that…you over react, you read too much into things… that wasn’t me. ..and you…and because…and that’s not why…scriptures says you’re supposed to …you can’t say that… you know…because that’s why…figure it out…I’ll be patient and give you time.”

You’re left wondering what on earth is going on.  Your head is spinning and you feel confused, lonely, hopeless, depressed at one time or another, and like you can never get an answer to your question, an apology, or closure to an issue.

Ask yourself this question. Does he ever take responsibility for his actions? No?

Then you need to know this: If you could hold an Abuse-O-Meter to the heart or head of your difficult person it would read, “Unsafe abuser” because the best gauge, the number one indicator for an unsafe abuser is that they never take responsibility for their behavior.

Yet in scripture God instructs us to confess our sins, to take the log out of our own eye, and if we know our brother has something against us—to go make it right with him. God does not tell the abused or offended to make restitution with the abuser or offender. The Bible places responsibility on the offender to make peace with the offended.  Can you imagine there is a human being on planet earth who will never need to take responsibility for a rude action, offensive comment, or ill treatment of someone?  That’s not realistic.  I only know of one person in the history of the world who could have done that and He is Jesus. Yes, the One and Only Son of God who is now seated at the right hand of our heavenly Father.

So if you’re with someone who never takes responsibility, explains everything away, justifies every word, thought and action—that’s a clue.

Next you need to understand that they are in complete denial and don’t realize what they’re doing. And no, you stand no chance of explaining it to them. You would be better off talking to a wall because any time, energy, emotion, logic or love you spend attempting to break through to them will simply cement in their mind that you are even crazier than they originally thought.

Counselor, Patrick Doyle explains DENIAL  as = Didn’t even know I was lying. That’s how much unsafe abusers believe in themselves

It takes an excellent counselor/psychologist to understand the self-deceived abuser who  believes their own rhetoric, lies, denial, rationalization, minimizing, justifying, and spiritualizing. Abusers believe every word they say. That’s why they’re so convincing.

You can’t perceive their nonsense which seems like pure foolishness to you. Although you may feel like you’re losing your mind; let me assure you, you’re not. Don’t believe it for a moment. And if you’re concerned you will lose your mind then you should seek professional help. Strong people seek help. When you’re in the middle of such messiness it can be difficult to see clearly, discern wisely, and respond with logical application and consequences. Let someone not emotionally involved see through the fog for you.

If you wonder if you’re in an unsafe relationship; locate ‘SOLUTIONS-HOTLINES-HELP’ in the margin of this blog and click ‘Mosaic Threat Assessment.’ It will direct you to an assessment questionnaire which is a strong indicator of possible danger.

Here is what I keep hearing from wife after abused wife:  She goes to a Christian friend, a spiritual leader, or her pastor and she receives this counsel, “Be Patient. Wait on God. Love him more. Be kind. Forgive him, kiss him more passionately, be more available in the bedroom, be more interested in his day, engage him in conversation, speak words of affirmation, show him respect and he’ll come around.”

Here is what Christian, counselor Patrick Doyle has to say about such advice: “I can tell you right now that if somebody has that much denial and they’re that harmful; loving them more will only embolden them to take more ground and be more mean…in their, kind, sort of way because of how they interpret it. When you start being nice; they figure you realize what’s going on and you finally came to your senses. Now you’re going to do it their way which is the right way; obviously, because that’s the only way there is! Their denial is so thick; they believe it!”

There you have it. The number one indicator of an unsafe abuser: They never take responsibility for their hurtful behavior.

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Video

Recognize and Prevent Emotional Abuse

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This is for those of you who don’t have time to watch the almost hour long video attached at the end of this article. If you are in an abusive relationship and you do have time to watch; you will be greatly validated and encouraged. You’re not crazy…it’s really happening…you’re living through untold trauma, and you are incredibly strong to have endured for so long. My prayers are for you.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

 

I present to you, Patrick Doyle, counselor at Veritas Counseling and theDOVE.us

Recognize and Prevent Emotional Abuse

The core of marital counseling revolves around emotional abuse.

I was aware of a situation involving a woman in another state. Her husband was a very well respected man who early in the marriage; and thereafter, was abusive.  He was a stalwart member of the church who was well respected. The abuse kept going on until finally the woman realized through some counseling, and finding out her husband had a longtime porn addiction, that she needed to speak up. Well, her church didn’t really get it; they didn’t understand what she was trying to say. They genuinely wanted to help but they thought maybe she was making this stuff up…how could this be; we all think this guy’s great. As time goes on and she becomes more and more bold about revealing the truth to the pastor of her large mega church, he finally gets it. She actually went in the pastor’s office and had him watch my (Patrick Doyle) video on emotional abuse. Here are some excerpts from a letter that he wrote to his leadership after watching the video and ‘getting it’… about what the church is going to do to deal with this issue because he’s starting to see that they’ve missed the boat on this.

I am disturbed by the fact that women are coming forward telling me sad stories of long-term calculated abuse by their husbands. I’m aware of 6 or 7 cases that are current. These are good women who have experienced long term, 10-25 years, of abuse to varying degrees.  In some cases the abuse has been physical leading to domestic assault charges and imprisonment. In other cases the abuse is more subversive yet no less damaging. Emotional abuse, verbal abuse, psychological abuse, roll abuse, financial abuse, and sexual abuse.  Sometimes I wish they would all just walk into my office with a black eye so I could see the indisputable evidence and call the police. Instead they tend to walk in with blackened and bruised hearts that bleed pain. It is more difficult to discern the extent of non-physical abuse but I am becoming more attuned to the signs of an emotionally and psychologically battered woman. These are not crazy women who are trying to find some sinister way to get out of a marriage; thus, submitting false charges against their husbands. I’m talking about good and godly women who over time have lost hope that they will ever be treated with honor as a wife, a woman, or a fellow heir of the grace of life. I am typically taken off guard thinking that their husbands were charming, gentlemen of God. Oh, what a false front an abuser is able to display.

We all know there is a difference between a difficult marriage and a destructive marriage.  We all have difficult marriages to some extent. There’s no such thing as a pain-free, argument free marriage. There is anger in every marriage leading to disputes, hurt feelings, and the need for healing. I have not called this meeting to discuss difficult marriages, but I am talking today about destructive relationships where one person is being systematically and consistently broken down by the other.

I am most deeply disturbed by the fact that in several of these cases these men are protecting their place within our church while the abused is made to feel like an outcast. The abuser sings in the choir, sits in the front row, leads in the men’s’ ministry, carries the friendship or support of a pastor or an elder, serves on some ministry team, plays in the band while the wife is made to feel like an unforgiving, un-submissive, self-willed, hardened sinner. The wife feels embarrassed around our church people while the abusive husband smiles and drinks coffee with his boys (church members).

Here is a transition: This man wants to do the right thing, but it’s hard because people come in and you don’t know if they’re trying to work you, manipulate you, or what.

Listen, someone who is in an abusive relationship…one thing abusers do is they never take responsibility.

Abusers never take responsibility. This is a key to recognizing one. As Christians we should be leading the way in taking responsibility. With abusers you can never get a clear answer in a question, or there is a constant blame shift, avoidance, minimization, justification, and spiritualization. They shift blame and everything becomes your fault.You start to feel crazy and doubt yourself which empowers the abuser all the more.

In the church what is said is, “If you’ll just love them more, if you just cook them the right meal, if you just have more sex with them, if you’ll just be patient then this will clear up.”

Listen, if you allow an abuser an inch they will take a mile. The more you submit to their abuse the more they are going to abuse because every abuser I’ve worked with is in abject denial. The abuser believes their own rhetoric. They will stand in front of you, look you dead in the eyes and believe what they are saying. When this happens; listen to your spirit!

For outsiders who wonder if someone is in an abusive relationship; listen to your spirit. You may want to ask the woman or her children, in a safe setting, if there is abuse in their home and ask if they need help.

When someone says they are a believer but they have no conviction or comfort—they don’t have the Spirit. I don’t care what they say, how many church services they go to, how much Bible they know—the evidence is in whether or not they are convicted. The conviction will lead to the fruit of the spirit. Right? You can feign the fruit of the spirit for moments at church, in front of your pastor, in Sunday School, at a pot-luck dinner—but behind closed doors with the person who knows you the best…if they aren’t the ones seeing it, then I’m really concerned.

If your wife (and kids) are feeling abused (and I don’t care if you’re an abuser or not)—that’s real—and we have to deal with that. If the wife, or kids, are misinterpreting something it will be easy to fix, but if they’re not then maybe we can heal the marriage before it absolutely is destroyed.

Sometimes they do this sham of responsibility taking…”I’m sorry. I know I did that.” Then they just keep on doing it. Listen, the evidence of conviction is a change in your behavior not just words. God does not convict in general; He convicts specifically. So when the abuser comes to you they need to confess specifically the sinful words, thoughts and actions (to God and to their spouse). Changed behavior is the evidence of conviction. Conviction, repentance and changed action all have to take place.

Are  you abused and feeling trapped (which is part of the abusers arsenal) but you’re at a point where something has to break, something has to stop; you recognize that it’s coming to a head?

I say this with all due respect. Don’t call the church. (Yours may be the exception, but there are tragic stories about women who went to their church and were placed under church discipline for talking poorly of their husband, and/or removed from the church for separating from or divorcing their abuser.) I don’t know if the church is prepared for this; you’ll have to make that assessment. Somebody has to know what they are doing and someone has to be willing to get involved. If somebody comes to counseling he can get involved in a certain degree, but really where the church has the ability to be transformational is to get involved in a big way on a day-to-day basis. That’s how we can really help these people. In my church we’ve set up funds to support women temporarily; to give them money so the abusive husband can’t control them financially. I’ve seen it a thousand times if I’ve seen it once. They start controlling the money. How’s the woman going to live? Those are real questions. That’s where we can come (help) balance the power.

If you think you are, or might be, in an abusive relationship talk to somebody who knows what they’re talking about. If you’re going to go to someone who gets involved and then they back away; that is way worse. In that case, don’t even broach the subject until you know you have support that’s going to stay. This is where the church has done a lot of damage. They get involved and then they back out because they get uncomfortable, in over their head, or whatever.

Do your research, ask around the community, take the knowledge you’ve learned to find long-term support because I’ve never seen an abuser who has gone that far and said, “Oh, you’re right. I’m going to quit being abusive.”

It’s possible churches get it and they do want to help; such as the pastor who wrote the email read at the beginning; earlier. They recognized it and set up something in the church to address abusers and the abused. The pastor; along with church staff and leadership took training for it because they care about the people.

Much of this teaching can also apply to parent/child relationships.

 

This is Carolyn speaking: There aren’t many Christian counselors out there who know how to handle abuse in the Christian home. Most will want the abused wife to attend counseling with her abuser. THIS SHOULD NOT BE. When calling a counselor’s office ask them what their policy is for helping abuse victims and their abusive spouse. Separate counseling is best. I’ll give you three recommendations for the St. Louis area at the bottom of this post. They do not take insurance; so you have to file ‘out of network.’ If you’re local and have an excellent referral please comment with contact information at the top of this post. There is also a link in the margin for Focus on the Family: Counseling service and one time free referral.

 

Counselors in the greater St. Louis area:

Terri Dempsey – (West county & Farmington) Encouragement, validation, and practical application for setting boundaries…with humor.  Double majored in Psychology and Theology receiving a Bachelor of Arts from Blue Mountain College.  Received  Master of Arts degree in Psychological Counseling from Southeast Missouri State University in May 1991.  The combination of a Christian and secular education allows her to understand and fit into both worlds.  Scripture tells us to be in the world but not of the world.

She treats most mental health issues and specializes in trauma, personality disorders, and difficult cases in adults, adolescents, and children.  She is certified in EMDR. In treating anxiety and depression whether in adults, adolescents, or children, there is often a common thread – trauma.  Trauma can be the basis of eating disorders, anger management issues, and severe stress as well as identity issues in children and adolescents.  If your spouse suffers from a personality disorder you will find help for staying, or leaving.

(314) 983-9300, by text at (314) 960-7589 and by email at hopecrossingcc@gmail.com

St. Louis Office
Castlewood Baptist Church
1220 Kiefer Creek Rd. Ballwin, 63021

Farmington Office
#7 South Jefferson
Farmington, MO 63640

Dr. Clay Coffee (St. Louis County) received his Ph.D. in Family Therapy from Saint Louis University and his Master of Arts in Counseling and Masters of Divinity from Covenant Theological Seminary.  He is a Counselor in Training working with couples, families, and individuals.  For typical marital issues he does couples counseling. For family issues he does group family therapy. He has served as a pastor and counselor in church-based settings for over fifteen years: working with couples and families in conflict

providing premarital education and counseling

caring for individuals and families walking through divorce and remarriage.   His additional areas of clinical interests and experience include working with adults experiencing grief and loss

anxiety and depression

the trauma of emotional, physical, and spiritual abuse

spiritual transformation and relational distress

parenting issues and season of life transitions.

Clay has also taught graduate courses on ethics and counseling and presented at national conferences on topics such as addressing family violence in the church and coordinating care between counselors and churches for the well-being of clients. His dissertation explored the influence of at least one partner’s religious conversion on the marital relationship and developed a tentative theory for helping both partners navigate potential loyalty conflicts.

Clay has a wife, 3 children and a black lab named Pepper.  He enjoys playing tennis & golf with his wife, co-managing a fantasy football team with his sons, watching and discussing movies with his daughter, and playing his guitar. (314)720-2710 ext 5  clay@killeencounseling.com 

 

Christy Brimm (St. Charles county) at Kaleo Counseling: kaleostl.com – Her bio states she works mostly with kids, but I’ve been told she is terrific, due to her passion and personality, for women who are in extremely difficult and abusive relationships.
Christy received her Master of Arts in Counseling from Missouri Baptist University and her Master of Arts in Theological Studies from Covenant Theological Seminary. She has gained extensive experience working with children, adolescents, women, and families via her 20+years serving in the Church. Her ministry experience has come in the form of working in children’s ministry, youth ministry, leading a life group for young families, and through leadership in Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS). Christy has training in both school and clinical settings and is interested in offering gospel-centered counseling to youth and adults who find themselves in need of healing and wholeness. She also has a special interest in doing play therapy with children and working with families on parenting and relational issues. Christy is a Provisional Licensed Professional Counselor and is supervised by Martha Ankney, LPC. She sees clients at the St. Charles office and is an out-of-network provider. You may email Christy at cbrimm@kaleostl.com.