Spring Thomas estate case 05/09/2014

Thank you to a reader who pointed me in the direction of Missouri Case Net to look at the probate proceeding surrounding Spring Thomas’ estate.

Spring Thomas is the woman who admitted to law enforcement her relationship with Kerry Messer approximately 6-8 weeks after Lynn Messer disappeared/died.

Spring’s father, Dr. Albert D. Thomas, died July 22, 2012.  His estate went through probate for 2 years before being settled. According to Missouri Case Net the date of disposition for the estate was closed on May 9, 2014, leaving Spring Thomas as the independent personal representative of her father’s estate.

July 8, 2014 Lynn Messer disappeared from her home; from the bed she shared with her new Lynn Messerhusband, Kerry Messer, a Missouri state lobbyist for Christian, Biblical, homeschooling, pro-life and family values.

Kerry told his sons and the authorities that a storm woke him up around 4:00 a.m. and that is when he noticed his wife was missing.

After more than two years of searches and an investigation; Lynn’s remains were found on Kerry Messer’s farm, November 1, 2016.

A cause of death has not been recorded on the death certificate at this time. It was determined that Lynn’s remains appear to have been in the elements the entire two years she was missing. Law enforcement cannot confirm if Lynn’s remains were positively in the same location the entire time; just that the remains were consistent with those that had been in the elements that amount of time.

There have been no arrests in the case and no one has been officially named as a person of interest. Law enforcement did confirm to me that Kerry Messer has not been cleared in the disappearance and death of his wife, Lynn Messer.

 

Missouri Case Net

Read more: Who is Spring Thomas by Aarron Messer

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

#JusticeForLynn fundraiser: YouCaring

 

*Comments do not necessarily reflect the opinion of this blog. They are comments of what readers think and should not be taken as fact or evidence.

Link

A High View of Marriage Includes Divorce

So many women and children have been sacrificed on the altar of “The High View of Marriage” where divorce is looked down upon in the church. Women and children who are suffering through abuse need understanding; not condemnation for formalizing an already broken covenant by their abuser.

This article is a healing balm for the many women I personally know who have been shunned by their churches, or scolded by friends and family for finally walking away to once again claim their strength, health, and sanity.

The following article is a guest post by Rebecca VanDoodewaard, author of Uprooted: A Guide for Homesick Christians and Your Future ‘Other Half’: It Matters Whom You MarryShe is married to William VanDoodewaard, Professor of Church History at Puritan Theological Seminary. They have four children.

I am thankful for her willingness to express her thoughts so clearly and powerfully in this article.   

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God hates divorce, doesn’t He? Absolutely. Isn’t the gospel about forgiveness and love? Yes, it is. And pastors and elders can use these two truths in isolation from the rest of Scripture and biblical principles to deny people divorce for biblical grounds. “But marriage is a precious thing,” one pastor told a woman whose husband was in prison for pedophilia. “It would be a wonderful picture of God’s grace to move on from this and focus on your marriage,” another one told the husband of an adulteress. “We’re working with him; he’s really struggling, and so you need to forgive him,” a session tells a woman whose husband has been using pornography for years.

Evangelical and confessional churches are striving to maintain a high view of marriage in a culture that is ripping the institution to shreds. So extra-biblical barriers to divorce can be well-meant. They try to protect marriage by doing everything possible to avoid divorce. In doing so, they not only fail to keep a high view of marriage. They also spread lies about the gospel, divorce, the value of people, the character of God and the nature of sexual sin.

The first lie is that forgiveness means that the offended party is bound to continue living with the guilty party once there’s an apology. Wives in particular are told that God requires that they forgive a repentant spouse, which is true, and that this means that they need to stay in the marriage, which is not true. It’s like saying to parents who discover that the babysitter molested their children: “Oh, but the sitter said sorry. It would be unloving to not ask them to watch the kids again. You need to demonstrate your forgiveness.” The argument is that Jesus forgave you and took you in: Why can’t you do the same for a spouse? Because I am not God: I am human, too, and can’t atone for my spouse’s sin in a way that can restore an earthly marriage.

Sacrificing a person to save a relationship is not the gospel. The gospel is that Someone was sacrificed to free us from sin and bring us to God. We cannot always bear the relational punishment for someone else’s sin. We can forgive them, and will if we are a Christian, but that doesn’t mean we have to live with them. You can forgive someone and divorce them. Scripture commands forgiveness where there is repentance, but it never requires that a relationship be continued in the way that it was before covenant was shattered. This lie of “forgiveness” places the burden on the innocent party. The sinner gets counsel, support, help and prayer, while the sinned-against gets pressure, guilt and a crushing future. Acceptance is often labelled the “Christian” thing to do. Since Christ gave divorce as an option in some circumstances, divorce can be the Christian thing to do, too. Forgiveness is always the Christian thing to do, and it simply means that the guilty party is forgiven, not absolved from all earthly consequences.

The second lie is implied: God hates divorce more than He hates abuse and sexual sin. To put the lie a different way, God loves marriage more than He loves the women in it. While God created marriage, loves marriage and says that it is a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church, Jesus didn’t die to save marriage. He died to save people. He sacrificed His life to protect His sons and daughters, and hates when they are abused, violated and humiliated, particularly in a relationship that is supposed to picture Christ and the church.

This fact is especially true for women, who suffer at the hands of men whose actions mock servant leadership and so blaspheme the name of the Christ whom they are called to represent. Denying a woman legitimate divorce allows an unrepentant man to continue in this abuse and blasphemy. If we want to value and treat marriage rightly, we need to think about Jesus! His care for His church is not an abstract idea. We see it lived out in the gospels every day in purity, tender care for widows and intolerance of the Pharisees who thought they could be right with God while checking out beautiful women at the market. Christ’s love for His church found very concrete expression on the cross—willingness to die to save His beloved people. Yes, God hates divorce. And there are some things that He hates even more.

The third lie is that divorce is an unclean thing, often the fault of the innocent party. This is a misunderstanding of divorce. Divorce is not the innocent party ending a marriage. Divorce is the innocent party obtaining legal recognition that the guilty party has destroyed the marriage. So often, we see the divorcing person as the one who ends the marriage—they are not! Where there has been sexual unfaithfulness, abuse or abandonment, it is the guilty party who ended it by breaking covenant. While legitimate divorce is not mandatory, it is a biblical option, on moral par with maintaining the marriage. The 1992 report by the PCA study committee on divorce and remarriage comments:

It is also interesting to recall in this connection Jeremiah 3:8, where Yahweh is said to divorce Israel for her spiritual adultery (idolatry):―“I gave faithless Israel her certificate of divorce and sent her away because of all her adulteries.” If God himself can properly divorce his bride because of adultery, then, given Christ’s unqualified adherence to the authority of the Old Testament, it seems difficult to conclude that Jesus would not have had similar words on his own lips. (218)

The church needs to be clear about this: Legitimate divorce is holy and biblical if God Himself can speak of initiating it. And it is initiated to publicly recognize the destruction already there. Divorce does not end a covenant. It protects the spouse whose covenant has been violated—a picture of covenant protection in the face of human unfaithfulness. Always discouraging divorce, always making it a last, desperate option that really fails to show gospel power, implies that we know more about marriage than God does and value it more highly. If there are legitimate reasons for divorce, then making divorce look like a lesser option is wrong. God allows it: Who are we to discourage people from choosing a biblical option?

The fourth lie usually involved in this discussion is about pornography. It is often classified as not technically adultery, so spouses are denied the biblical right to divorce. This is mind boggling. Someone who seeks out sexually explicit material and has a physical response to it is in the same mental, physical and spiritual condition as someone in bed with a coworker. The difference is that the relationship with the coworker is at least private and limited, while porn use accepts and subsidizes an entire industry of sexual sin that is maintained by abuse and slavery, involves hundreds of people, and is tracked by the producing companies and Internet servers. Deliberate and repeated porn use is at least adultery, regardless of whether there is repentance at some point. Denying this makes people ask why some pastors are so committed to denying what porn really is. Our pre-technology definition of adultery allows souls and marriages to be ravaged from the inside out because we fail to admit what a porn habit really is. We look away from the institutionalized rape that it subsidizes. Countenancing sexual sin for any reason reveals a poor understanding of sexual sin as well as the gospel.

Do you see how these lies, sometimes borne out of a desire to protect marriage, actually bring about a low view of marriage? By granting, supporting and even facilitating a biblical divorce, we take a stand to say that we can forgive without being forced to live with people who have shattered us. This protects marriage by allowing the innocent party to leave a relationship that has been broken. By backing biblical divorce, we protect women whom God loves, showing Christ’s love when spouses have not. This protects marriage by refusing to allow sinners to abuse the institution with impunity. By publicly stating that sexual sin and abuse, not wounded spouses, ends marriages, we hold the marriage bed in honor. This protects marriage by creating a holy fear of violating it. By offering biblical divorce, the church affirms that pornography is depravity, and will not be countenanced by Christ’s church. Naming and disciplining sexual sin as the evil it is and offering divorce to the innocent party makes the value of marriage clear as we refuse to see it damaged, abused or treated lightly.

Developing and maintaining a high view of marriage does a lot. It protects women and children, often the people most hurt by sexual sin. It keeps us from falling into sin ourselves: The higher our view of marriage, the less likely we will be to dabble in something so devastating. And a high view of marriage honors the One who created it for our good and His glory—the One who promises to judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral.

This article originally appeared here.

 

Update on Lobbyist Kerry Messer

You…you who read this blog and take action…I want to thank you for your time, heart, and accomplishment. You have once again made a difference and impact through prayer, writing letters/emails, and making phone calls.

Kerry Messer is a Missouri state lobbyist whose wife, Lynn Messer, disappeared July 8, 2014. We now know that Lynn has been deceased the entire time and I have been told by law enforcement that Kerry Messer has not been cleared in the investigation surrounding Lynn’s death.

Here is the long awaited update on our requests to have Kerry Messer removed from grass roots activismlobbying for various organizations in the state of Missouri. Kerry has lobbied for homeschooling rights, family values, right to life causes, Samaritan’s Ministry/health sharing, gun safety, Christian child care, the Missouri Southern Baptist Convention, and Christian/biblical values. We think conflicting dialogue by Kerry about his wife and her disappearance, his detrimental treatment of his sons and their families, and his ongoing relationship with Spring Thomas while his wife was missing for 2+ years show Kerry is not above reproach, and are valid reasons for his removal from all of these organizations; but especially from Families for Home Education.

Your appeals are working!

I’ll start with the best result: Families for Home Education officially dropped Kerry Messer from their principal/lobbyist listing as reported on the Missouri Ethics Commission website. Although I was saddened and frustrated by FHE’s lack of desire to biblically deal with this earlier, I’m grateful they finally decided to protect homeschool parents and children from the ramifications of being associated with, and represented by, Kerry Messer at the state level. Thank you for not taking “no” as an answer from FHE. Your persistence paid off! They have not removed Kerry Messer from their website, so it looks like FHE may still be associated with him.  I have yet to see a statement from the FHE board addressing their reasoning for removing Kerry Messer.

FHE still needs to take down pictures and articles referring to Kerry Messer. Please call FHE leaders and remind them that the website needs updated to reflect that Kerry Messer no longer lobbies for the homeschooling community. As you can see in the below FHE contact list; and the last I knew, they were having a difficult time finding people willing to serve FHE in leadership positions.

Region 1: Erin and Charyti Jackson (660) 582-5903                    FHE Region map 2 updated 5-5-16

Region 2: Vacant—leave a voicemail: (877) 696-6343

Region 3: Bill and Cyretta Holbrook (877) 696-6343 ext. 3

Region 4: Dan and Mavis Dey (573) 239-3785

Region 5: Vacant—call: (877) 696-6343

Region 6W: Vacant—call Al and Sheryl Schmidt (417) 859-7908; 1-877-696-6343 ext. 62

Region 6E: Al and Sheryl Schmidt (417) 859-7908; 1-877-696-6343 ext. 62

Region 7: Vacant—call Al and Sheryl Schmidt (417) 859-7908; 1-877-696-6343 ext. 62

Lynn Messer July 2

Lynn Messer July 3

Lynn Messer July 4

Phone calls to the Missouri Southern Baptist association took place months ago. Kerry was officially removed 12/9/2016.

Next, Samaritan Ministries International also discontinued their association with Kerry Messer. This took some back and forth dialogue from “yes, he still lobbies for us and we believe in innocent until proven guilty” to…”he hasn’t worked for us for 10 years.” Samaritan Ministries dropped Kerry Messer 5/16/2017.

Alliance for Life, phone # 417-598-1040: Works mainly with Sam Lee. They do not currently employ Kerry or anyone else as a lobbyist. They need to be encouraged to call the Missouri Ethics Commission and have Kerry’s name deleted from their listing. Missouri Ethics Commission phone (MEC) # (573) 751-2020.

Americans United for Life, phone # 312-492-7234: There has been no success in reaching a representative. Another reader contacted Americans United for Life on June 6 and again on July 12; by email and through Facebook, but has not received a response. They continue to be listed on the MEC website as one of Kerry’s principals. If you would like to call them, please encourage them to contact MEC # (573) 751-2020 if they desire to delete Kerry Messer as their lobbyist.

I spoke with  MISSOURI ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN CHILD CARE AGENCIES, INC. (phone # 660-347-5982) around the first of April. MACCCA was contacted two more times but has not responded and MACCCA is still listed on the MEC website. If they want to remove Kerry Messer on the MEC listing they need to call MEC: phone # (573) 751-2020.

Missouri Family Network is Kerry Messer’s own organization from which he works in Jefferson City.

Missourians for Personal Safety, phone # 816-455-2669 recently said that Kerry hasn’t worked for them for years. This is a completely different statement than I received in April 2017, when I spoke with Kevin Jamison. I’m not sure why they gave two different statements.

April 2017: Yes, Kerry represents them. They have been pleased with how Kerry has been very honest, upfront, and forthright with updates on everything. Kerry informed them when Lynn went missing, Kerry told them about his relationship with the other woman, told them when Lynn’s remains were found, and informed them when he, Kerry, secured Lynn’s dental records for the authorities; and just in time because they were about to be destroyed. Mr. Jamison said everybody but Kerry (referring to his colleagues, knew Kerry’s wife was dead and wouldn’t be returning).

Missourians for Personal Safety may need reminded to have their deletion of Kerry as their lobbyist reflected on the record at the Missouri Ethics Commission.  MEC Phone # (573) 751-2020.

Thank you for you caring attention to help protect the Christian and family value voter’s interests in the state of Missouri. You made a difference!

UPDATE: 8/3/2017, 8:40 AM: I received word that FHE is restructuring its lobbying efforts in Jeff City.

#JusticeForLynn Fundraiser: YouCaring.com

 

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

Link

Again I ask… Where’s the church?

The Lynn Messer case

I’m grateful more people are picking up this story. Let’s keep this in the public’s eye and pray that law enforcement is nearing making an arrest. The question in my mind at this time is will it be one arrest or two arrests? Did Kerry Messer have anything to do with his wife’s death…as in murder? If so, did Spring Thomas help, have knowledge, or conceal evidence or knowledge after the fact?

The investigation remains open and tips were still being called in to law enforcement as of a month ago; the last time I spoke with a detective on the case.

You may click the links below…

Saturday, A Cry For Justice picked up the story. I’m grateful for their coverage since they have a large national and international following. Their mission is to awaken the evangelical church to domestic violence and abuse in its midst. Follow this link: The Mysterious Disappearance and Death of Lynn Messer—Husband Not Cleared in Investigation

And today:

Source: Again I ask… Where’s the church?

Here is a bit more information that reader Cheryl Summers added to, Again I ask…Where’s the church?

“Wow, wow, wow! What a great article! An amazing summation of the most troubling angles of this case. The only thing that Holly missed was that the relationship between Kerry and Spring seems like it was probably in place way before 8 weeks after Lynn’s death. Spring was asked to give a statement to police only about a month after and then promptly hired an attorney and stopped cooperating with police. From ‘Who is Spring Thomas?” – “At the six week point of the investigation into moms disappearance Spring confirmed in a written statement that she was in fact in a relationship with my dad. After she made her statement to police she messaged Abram and in an odd conversation asked Abram if it was appropriate for her to continue to participate in searches?” https://chocolateorelse.wordpress.com/…/who-is-spring…/

This article is from Aarron Messer’s Facebook page. He has given me permission to print it in its entirety. Our…
CHOCOLATEORELSE.WORDPRESS.COM

 

Here is part of Holly Ashley’s article:

In July of 2014, the wife of a Missouri state lobbyist for Christian, Biblical, homeschooling, pro-life, and family values – disappeared. Kerry Messer stated that he woke up at 4:00 am from the noisy storm, realizing that his wife was not in bed. According Mr. Messer, Lynn simply walked away from her bed in the middle of the night, in the midst of a raging storm… She did not take her phone or her wedding ring or any personal items for that matter. In addition, Mr. Messer would like for the church to believe that Mrs. Messer simply decided to leave the house, the children, her Vacation Bible School commitment, and her grandchildren behind.

Prior to the police search and rescue attempt – Mr. Messer had the cattle moved across the property – and he mowed his grass… removing any chance of trace evidence, let alone scent for the dogs to follow.

But, after THREE YEARS, Lynn Messer’s body was found on the property – incidentally, right where police and rescue workers had been – three years earlier – wearing their GPS tracking suits.

Mr. Messer has tampered with evidence, lied to the family and friends of Mrs. Messer, lied to police on multiple occasions. Mr. Messer has failed to pass a polygraph test- twice. Mr. Messer began dating another woman 8 weeks after his wife’s “disappearance.” Mr. Messer is still under investigation by police – he has not been cleared to the date of this publication.

But the most disgusting thing about this case was that the two sons of Mr. and Mrs. Messer went before the church asking for help – and to this day, there has been no disciplinary action taken whatsoever. This a man who is representing “The Church” at the highest level! Yet, no disciplinary action – no public statement – by the church, has been made.

Although it is true that the police have not yet charged or convicted Mr. Messer, it does not negate the duties of the church to rise up and do their covenantal duty to the Lord.

Finish reading the article here: Again I Ask…Where’s the Church

#JusticeForLynn Fundraiser: YouCaring.com

Video

Toxic Tuesday: The Great Porn Experiment

Porn alters the brain: Bad news

If/when you stop using porn the brain can heal over time: Good news.

I’ve seen this TEDx lecture by Gary Wilson circulating over the last month and every time I think, “I’ll post this on my blog”. Today is the day.

When discussing sensitive topics I like to give a warning: This could be a trigger for different people in different ways. For the abused it could trigger painful thoughts or body memories. For the porn user it could trigger temptation.

There is a brief picture of women in bikinis at one point in the lecture/video.

I hope that every person who has access to the internet watches this video because Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard smallsooner or later porn will likely rock your world. Porn is everywhere; especially soft-core, and it’s impossible to not have it turn up somewhere before your eyes. It’s not impossible to look away. Watch this video for clarification as to why we must look away and teach our children the importance in doing the same.

 

In Defense of Lysa TerKeurst

This is in response to some of the backlash I have read against Lysa TerKeurst over the last few weeks regarding her decision to pursue divorce.

I recently posted a letter written by Lysa TerKeurst, “Rejection, Heartache, and a LysaFaithful God,” posted 6/13/17.  Lysa is a popular women’s ministry leader and teacher, and she is a New York Times bestselling author. Her ministry, Proverbs 31 Ministries, is named after the chapter reference in the Bible of the well-known passage depicting what a virtuous woman looks like. If you’ve ever checked out my list of favorite blogs in the margin (header or footer depending on which digital platform you use) you know I’ve had Proverbs 31 there since I began blogging in August 2013.

In all fairness, I’ve read more comments in support of Lysa than against. Yet I’m not sure why some in the Christian community are shocked by the news, and saddened or enraged that Lysa decided to pursue divorce.

Lysa had the right to walk away from infidelity and to publicly name the reasons, biblical reasons, why she was choosing to file divorce proceedings.

“My husband, life partner and father of my children, Art TerKeurst, has been repeatedly unfaithful to me with a woman he met online, bringing an end to our marriage of almost 25 years….I don’t share this to harm or embarrass him, but to help explain why I have decided to separate from him and pursue a divorce.”                     ~Lysa TerKeurst

I’m sure she was well aware that some in the Christian community would take the opportunity to verbally shred her over the airwaves, in the blogosphere, and on podcasts. Many Christians believe Christians should not divorce—ever!

I especially notice this in legalistic backgrounds and those deeply engrained in the patriarchal movement.

I ascribe to the Biblical grounds that God allows for divorce under specific circumstances. I consider divorce a merciful gift from our gift-giving Heavenly Father for a spouse enduring unfaithfulness, a spouse’s addiction and/or abuse.  (I’m yet to hear of a pornography addiction that didn’t fuel verbal and emotional abuse.)

I’ve also read excerpts of Lysa’s letter picked apart and spun in different ways. As a woman who was in ministry, and who divorced a pastor, I’ll add my commentary to the mix.

Lysa writes,

“I so wish we were sitting face-to-face so you could see my tears and hear the deep grief in my voice as I share this with you.”

It took courage and I imagine hours heaped upon hours of Bible study, prayer, and professional counseling, topped off with immeasurable puddles of tears for Lysa to reach the conclusion to file for divorce. I’ve personally never known a sister-in-Christ who made this decision quickly, thoughtlessly, or gladly. It’s just not an emotionally healthy woman’s nature. We are nurturing, long-suffering, forgiving, and abounding in providing extra chances for the offender to make things right.

Even if Lysa didn’t have deep grief, or was past that stage, she would still receive my compassion and prayer support for choosing to divorce her unfaithful husband who was also not seeking healing for substance abuse issues.

Next, she writes about her commitment to marriage:

“Anyone who knows me and Proverbs 31 Ministries knows how seriously I take marriage. I’ve always encouraged women to fight for their marriages and to do everything possible to save them when they come under threat.”

I believe her.  It takes the commitment of two people to get married, but only one person to break the vow. Lysa learned like many of us that one person is not capable of fighting the battle alone to save a relationship between two people who both have the free will to choose. We are not the Holy Spirit and cannot convict the unfaithful spouse of their error/sin. Even the Holy Spirt won’t make them do what they don’t want to do. It only takes one person to abuse, abandon, and destroy the marriage. I know Lysa took her marriage covenant seriously and earnestly wrestled through her husband’s infidelity.  If she is anything like me she refused to give up or give in until she knew she had done everything humanly possible to save her marriage while waiting on God and waiting on Art. After all, as Christians we know God can provide the healing and restoration…but here’s the catch: both people must desire it. In the end, Art didn’t desire it and he made a choice. Lysa simply decided to make Art’s abandonment of their family legally official.

Lysa also mentioned the effort she put into trying to “save” her marriage after discovering her husband’s infidelity 18 months prior. 

She concludes:

“But sadly, though I have repeatedly forgiven and accepted him back, he has continued to abuse substances, be unfaithful, and refused to be truthful to me and our family.”

She went above and beyond to give Art time to repent, heal, and restore their relationship even though she was not biblically responsible for doing so. He was the cheating party who should have been putting in the time required for the hard work of winning her back to save their marriage and keeping their family intact; as well as, restoring his fellowship with God. Art rejected reconciliation; he broke the marriage vows and refused to stop cheating. Lysa may have been the one to file for divorce but make no mistake; he is the one who first left and his choices led to divorce.

 

Moving on…

“After much prayer and consultation with wise, biblically-minded people, I have decided that Art has abandoned our marriage.”

Yes, he did. He also defiled their marriage bed and broke his covenant between him, Lysa, and God. 

I understand and agree with Lysa that her husband abandoned their marriage. If only it were a past action that could be filed away. For those who haven’t lived through betrayal you should realize…it is an ongoing, active trauma that continually violates a woman’s heart, soul, mind and strength. The road to healing is long.

I’m grateful for Lysa’s courage and vulnerability to share the facts with her readers, without going in to details, as to why she is choosing divorce.  Lysa strives to be real, even when life is messy or ugly, for the sake of passing on gospel lessons.

“Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.” I Thessalonians 2:8

Lysa’s a teacher at heart; with a heart that is broken but still nurturing. Her marriage failed because of her husband’s choices; she did not fail. I believe it’s safe to say this trial has not been fun or easy, but when she comes through on the other side she, because of her faithfulness to God, will see fruit—not just in the circumstance—but in herself.  God knows the fruit is there because He’s already prayed His will over it.

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.” Romans 8:26

Lysa kept her husband’s secrets, endured his unfaithfulness, chanced danger from his substance abuse and possible STDs, loved him, and offered him forgiveness multiple times.

Telling Lysa, or any other betrayed or abused wife, that she should … remain subjected to lies, neglect, cheating, emotional trauma, and probable STDs while loving him and hoping to save their marriage because God hates divorce is not biblically necessary.  I imagine Lysa did that for a time; hoping Art could come through the mess holding his head high with his dignity intact.

I desire for Christians to put away the, “God hates divorce” as the one size fits all quote to prevent a marriage from ending. God hates unnecessary divorce that could be prevented by spouses loving each other, being faithful, and placing each other’s needs above their own. He hates the pain divorce causes each member of the family.

Divorces feels like it will surly kill you when you are suffering through it.

God hates the wounds and the pain caused by divorce…but…God allows divorce in the cases of infidelity and abuse.

Over the last 5 years of ministering to broken women in destructive marriages I have been heart-broken at how quickly the church takes the unfaithful abuser’s side in an attempt to persuade the woman to stay.

Let’s stop assigning damaging words and expectations on the faithful spouse and instead understand their hurt, pray for them, and offer practical help as they walk through the valley of abuse, betrayal, abandonment, and/or divorce.

I’m grateful Lysa will continue to pour her energy and gifts into her ministry, Proverbs 31. I’m thrilled that those around her have not placed blame on her for the wrongs her husband committed against her, nor asked her to step down from ministry. To remove Lysa from ministry and from her current source of income would be revictimization. Her husband’s failure does not damage her character and gifting; in fact, she has been subjected to exemplifying the Proverbs 31 woman in the middle of extreme stress while enduring the public’s eye and a few Christian’s judgementalism. Some Christians believe divorce is sin and should never be used as an option. Others believe that the offended or abused spouse should die to self, take up their cross, and endure more unfaithfulness and/or abuse. God does not place the institution of marriage above the safety, sanity, and health of the victim. He is a God of relationship and he does not expect us to experience the death of our personality, energy, heart, spirit, and strength to appease the offender/abuser and keep the marriage together.

Honestly, I see that the Christian world places more expectations on the innocent victim of the divorce than they do on the offender. Our community of believers tends to want more details so they can verify if you have biblical grounds for divorce.

I sure would like to see this same community hold the unfaithful spouse, or abuser, to the same standard of accountability. Perhaps if they did, the intervention and accountability would have relieved the victim from more heartache and—perhaps—helped to save the marriage.

In the end only One opinion matters—the One who forever calls Lysa worthy.

I’m sure Lysa waited patiently for the Lord, and He allowed her time to work through everything. Through this, Lysa knew she did everything she could to save her marriage and did not prematurely leave.

Did Lysa find what many of us who went before her found? The greater and deeper our emotional trauma; the more intense our spiritual walk becomes. When we are too weak and the problems too big; God supernaturally exerts His power in us resulting in a life of extraordinary growth.

 

“Marriage and family are important to God; just as important to him are the individuals within those marriages.” ~Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope

 

For more perspective see: Biblical Permission to Leave a Toxic Spouse 

Lynn Messer 3 Years Later: New Q’s & A’s

 

July 8, marks the third anniversary of the day we were told Lynn Messer Lynn 1disappeared from her home. Interestingly though, I have noticed recent posts on Kerry Messer’s Find Lynn Messer Facebook page changed the date of Lynn’s disappearance from July 8 to July 7. I wonder why?

Lynn vanished from the bed she shared with her husband, Kerry Messer, a Missouri state lobbyist for Christian, Biblical, homeschooling, pro-life and family values.

Kerry told his sons and the authorities that a storm woke him up around 4:00 a.m. and that is when he noticed his wife was missing.

In honor of this three year anniversary let’s help Lynn’s sons with legal and investigative fees to achieve #JusticeforLynn.

Click here to donate: It’s quick and easy.

New questions and answers are at the end of this article.

  • Click on colored text to link to the original published article in below paragraphs.

In the first week media stated that Lynn was reported missing by her husband from the family farm, “When Kerry still couldn’t locate her he became increasingly concerned and called 911 to have the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Department come out to help assist.”  Abram and Aarron Messer, Lynn’s sons, insisted that it was Aarron who placed the call early in the morning, July 8, 2014. The dispatch recording verified Aarron Messer was the person who called law enforcement. 

The public was told, “Evidence at the scene indicates she may be in physical danger.”  

“She has a broken right toe and does not have her walking boot with her. Messer’s purse, cell phone and other personal items were left at her home.”

Law enforcement,  trained dogs, and searchers wearing GPS units searched the entire property. “People wore GPS units on them so we knew what areas we were covering and how dense we were covering them. Once one crew would get done with an area we would send another crew back in the same area with new eyes and different dogs.”

“Messer’s husband had mowed the property and moved the cattle. The sheriff said this becomes a problem for search dogs trying to follow a scent — one dog goes one way while another goes the other.”

During the first days Kerry Messer was quoted, “I could not count the number of specially trained dogs and handlers, all fitted with real-time GPS tracking being fed real-time into a base computer to provide us with a huge map showing the entire path (color coded) of each individual dog throughout the entire day and night.”

”They even reorganized and did a special night-time simultaneous ‘grid search’ in which the entire army of searchers were broken into teams which then swiped the entire farm in small bite-sized pieces.”

“Sadly, this initial search and the outstanding performance of this massive effort produced no fruit other than helping us know with a high probability that Lynn is not physically located on the farm.”

A month after Lynn had been missing Kerry Messer addressed Lynn’s medications in the media.

“The only thing we have got to go on is that her prescribed pain medication could have had an adverse effect on her mind.”

Kerry hopes that it will help others to understand that they may not be looking for someone who knows she is Lynn Messer. He believes that it’s the only real explanation.

“All we know is that the pain pills your doctor prescribed can have a severe reaction, causing you to be totally confused. We fear that you may not even know for sure who you are.

“This confusion can lead you to be fearful of people around you and cause you not to trust anyone. It can also lead you to go places without understanding why you are there.

Sheriff Gary Stolzer. Ste. Genevieve Sheriff County:  We have sent computers off and different things to have tested and analyzed by other people, but the case is just taking its course. We will continue to look into any leads we receive.” 

During these numerous interviews, and in Kerry’s long letters on his Find Lynn Messer Facebook page, he actively reminds the public of his suffering, loneliness, and struggles while missing Lynn. In fact he still writes about his shredded heart over missing Lynn.

What has been frustrating to Kerry’s sons, Lynn’s family and friends, and those who have followed the story is that law enforcement found out just weeks after Lynn ‘disappeared’ that Kerry was already in another relationship with a woman named Spring Thomas. Spring had been a family friend for many years and according to Abram and Aarron Messer there was, and is, more to the relationship than what is being reported.

A recap of events wouldn’t be complete without mentioning ‘the note’. Kerry showed a note to law enforcement; a note that he said was written by Lynn. Kerry refused to show the note to his sons. “Kerry said in the very beginning, law enforcement asked him not to talk about the letter. He didn’t understand why, but just complied. Kerry said he avoided talking about it and the few people he had already told he went to and asked them to not say anything because they wanted to honor what law enforcement had requested.”

According to Abram and Aarron, “for the first 11 months the police refused to allow anyone to see the note. I understand investigators need to withhold information but this was not the case. As they had shared with me, they had refused to show us the note because Kerry asked them not too.”

Lynn’s remains were discovered early November, 2016, on Kerry Messer’s farm property.

At this date forensics tests have concluded that Lynn has been in the elements, in that spot, about the entire time, and hair follicles showed no evidence of a cause of death. 

I, Carolyn, spoke with Detective White of the Ste. Genevieve Sheriff’s Department on Monday, July 3. He was generous with his time and answered the below questions for me.

I will present them in question/answer form.

Q: Were Lynn’s recovered remains a complete skeleton?  Were there any remains missing?

A: They were consistent with remains that have been in the elements since 2014.

Q: When I spoke with you this time last year you confirmed that Kerry Messer was no longer cooperating with law enforcement. Is this still true?

A: We are not in contact with him and have not reached out to him. We were told last year that he no longer wanted to speak to law enforcement and we have respected his wishes. He did cooperate when Lynn’s remains were found on his property. He could have required us to have a search warrant but he didn’t.

Q: Does this also mean you have no contact with Spring Thomas?

A: Yes

Q: Do you know if law enforcement has been able to search Spring Thomas’ house and property?

A:  I do know, but cannot say. I will say I have not seen the inside of her house.

Q: Kerry Messer has changed, or authorized the change, for the Find Lynn Messer Facebook cover photo. It now says his “page is the only official family and authority-sanctioned page.”  I think most people equate authority with law enforcement. Has law enforcement sanctioned this page?  I’m concerned about what this implies. Could Kerry be referring to law enforcement when he references ‘authority-sanctioned’?

A: No,  we don’t sanction anything.

Q: Has Kerry Messer been cleared of the investigation into Lynn’s death?

A: No, he has not.

Q: The death certificate currently reads, “Undetermined.” Could this status change in the future?

A: A cause of death will not be stated until the investigation is closed.

And lastly, to hear “We won’t stop until we determine what caused Lynn’s death.”  Spoken by Major Jason Schott of the Ste. Genevieve Sheriff’s Department in an interview last week had me thinking there is evidence. Now we just wait on timing for the investigative puzzle pieces to fit together.

I doubt Lynn disappeared from her own bed on a stormy night only to be found dead two years later in an area that was professionally searched by search and rescue dogs, helicopters, and searchers wearing GPS units to map/grid where they had searched.  A woman whose hair samples showed no evidence of a cause of death. As far as we know there were no weapons found with her. What happened to Lynn?

In honor of this three year anniversary let’s help Lynn’s sons with legal and investigative fees to achieve #JusticeforLynn.

Click here to donate: It’s quick and easy.

 

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin or header for more articles.

Lynn Messer: Care and Share

Do you remember the first time you heard about Lynn’s disappearance? I do, and it captured my interest and heart from the get-go.  Obviously it captured yours too. You have been passionate about truth, caring toward the family, and waiting for answers.

I’ve blogged 45 times about Lynn’s story over the last year to help keep this mystery in Lynn 1the public’s eye, to honor her memory, and to tell her story through the voice of her sons and their families.

I’ve heard from many of you over the last year. I appreciate that some of you have considered what you may know, through hind sight, and been willing to talk to law enforcement about your knowledge.

As the 3rd anniversary of Lynn’s disappearance/death approaches, it’s time for her family to find closure and truth as to how her life ended. Law enforcement has worked countless hours and I imagine the investigation is on their minds even in their off duty hours.  The sheriff’s office continues to investigate while the FBI runs forensics tests; looking for a cause of death so they can determine if they need to take the investigation in a different direction, or if crime was committed.  

For the family, retaining an attorney and/or an investigator of their own will help them navigate the process.  An upfront cost of $40,000 was quoted for this extensively involved case; a major expense that most people can’t fund from their own bank accounts. So…let’s ALL do this together.  Let’s unify, donate, and help bring ongoing questions to an end…for Lynn, for her loved ones, and for her legacy.

A donation of $10 per reader will help them reach the goal of paying a lawyer’s retainer fee. If you can’t do $10, do whatever you can afford.

Thank you for your loving, generous support donated on behalf of Lynn’s family. May they soon have the answers for which they’ve been waiting.  

Won’t it feel good to know you were able to participate in their journey, and in Lynn’s justice!

Please forward this link, on social media or by email, and help urgently share this need.

The YOUCARING compassionate fundraising website is quick and easy using a credit card or PayPal. I have made donations on this sight in the past, and to #JusticeForLynn, and can testify that it is professional and safe for your financial transaction.

*Note:  YOUCARING will give you a box to make a donation to the family, and a separate box to make a donation to YOUCARING. You many enter any denomination in the YOUCARING donation field;—including 0.00

 

DONATE by clicking here: YOUCARING fundraising #JusticeForLynn 

Lynn YOUCARING

Organized by concerned friends. Fundraising website graciously set up by Cheryl Summers.

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin or header for more articles.

Quote

Lynn Messer: Media Release Statement, Letter to the Sheriff, Kerry changes FLM page

Above photo: Some of Lynn’s favorite flowers were dark red roses

For those of you who have followed the Lynn Messer case I am posting her son Abram Messer’s statement which he released to the media today. (If you are new to this case you may click  “Lynn Messer” in the margin or header; depending on the media platform you use.)

Abram Messer 1

Photo Credit: J.B. Forbes, St. Louis Post Dispatch

PRESS RELEASE: DISCLAIMER: This press release is Abrams opinion. I will preface it with he thinks this, but it has not been proven and no arrest has been made.  Please recognize that their memories of the events described in this press release may differ. 

So as many of you are aware, I’ve been getting calls from media outlets in light of the information we received yesterday. Here is the statement which I have released:

“Our family is both saddened and heartbroken over the actions that my father has chosen.

No one should be surprised at the devastation which comes from choosing sin. But God is faithful and just to cleanse, forgive and restore us through the blood of the Lamb. He is also a God of justice, and we will stay the course in seeking that justice. So we are renewing our call in begging my father to come clean, and tell the truth so he can experience the peace which only comes through Gods forgiveness.”

There are many Christians who have deliberately decided to twist the Word of God only talking about forgiveness, choosing to ignore Gods commands for His people to be a people who pursue justice…. my friends this has nothing to do with vengeance. We are commanded by God Himself to stand for truth. We are commanded by God Himself to call out sin publicly (after we follow the Biblical steps confronting that sin privately; which yes we have done), no matter how much it hurts. 

Why? Because whatever pain and heartbreak we experience through out that process-—it is nothing compared to the spiritual pain and heartache which comes from complacency.

Please continue to lift our family up before the Throne of Grace. He is faithful… and I must decrease so that He will increase. Whatever you may be going through in your life remember that God is faithful and just to cleanse and forgive. But to receive His forgiveness and restoration we must all acknowledge our sin before Him. His long suffering love which He extends to us has limits which only He can define—for rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. Repent, turn to Christ—only then will you experience His peace and rest. For when we plant our feet upon The Rock… there is no storm which can shake you.

LETTER TO THE SHERIFF’S DEPARTMENT AND ATTORNEY GENERAL’S OFFICE (From one of the GiveMe Chocolate readers who commented on the article “Lynn Messer Secretly Transported Across State Lines and Buried”

Last night, I sent this to the St. Genevieve County Sheriff, Major Schott and copied the Attorney General’s office.

“I am highly concerned about the lack of activity surrounding the disappearance – and now we know – death of Lynn Messer. Based on the publicly available information, it would seem that Kerry Messer was most certainly involved somehow in her death. I can only assume that law enforcement has even more information pointing in his direction. Nearly three years after her disappearance and nearly a year after the discovery of her body, we still have no action being taken toward Mr. Messer. It would seem that the Sheriff’s department did not adequately search the property in those early days or that the body was subsequently brought to the property after it was searched. Either way, action is called for here.

Today, I’ve learned that the St. Genevieve County coroner released the body to Mr. Messer only to have him take it over state lines into Arkansas without the knowledge of Lynn’s sons, sisters or mother. It would seem that the Sheriff’s department as the lead investigative agency would have certainly known that the body was going to be released and understanding the circumstances, they could have let Lynn’s family members know what was about to take place. These family members could have sought injunctive relief to block the release of the body to Kerry given the high level of suspicion surrounding him and his lack of honesty with Lynn’s family members as well as his reported lack of cooperation – and his girlfriend’s lack of cooperation – with the investigation. Unfortunately, St. Genevieve County didn’t afford Lynn’s family this option. That adds another layer of tragedy upon an already tragic situation.

I called Carl Kinskey’s office several months ago about the progress on the investigation and he said he was just waiting on the Sheriff’s department. Why hasn’t information been sent over to the prosecuting attorney’s office? Where’s the grand jury? Is this an open investigation at this time? I certainly hope that the Sheriff’s office isn’t withholding information from the prosecuting attorney’s office waiting for some kind of air tight case to develop in this very bizarre circumstance. I urge you to send the information you have on the investigation to the prosecuting attorney. “

 

Find Lynn Messer page update…

Did anyone else notice? Kerry changed the “Find Lynn Messer” Facebook page cover photo. It now says the page is “authority-sanctioned.” The sheriff’s office confirmed to me a year ago that Kerry and Spring have not been cooperating with the investigation since their relationship was revealed to investigators. Which authorities is Kerry referring to?

The same cover photo says Lynn is missing as of 7/8/14. Why did Kerry not include that she was found?

authority sanctioned

And here is what Kerry Messer has to say about the ongoing investigation:

 

Click here to link to the full length news segment/video:… 

 

Click here to support #JusticeForLynn Messer Fundraiser for legal and investigative fees

Below is yesterday’s post:

Lynn Messer secretly transported across state lines and buried

Kerry Messer secretly transported Lynn’s remains across state lines for burial.

Aarron, Abram, and Elizabeth contacted family members this morning so they heard it from them first instead of from media.

Rumors have been circulating for the last 2-3 weeks that Lynn’s remains were going to be released to Kerry Messer in the near future. Kerry has posted on his Find Lynn Messer Facebook page that he intended to obtain Lynn’s remains soon.

My sources told me that Kerry informed his church First Baptist Church Festus/Crystal City that he in fact obtained her remains and buried them yesterday.  Lynn’s remains rest next to Grandma Messer. According to the funeral home a pastor was present at the grave side service; along with, Kerry, an unnamed woman, and two of Kerry’s relatives who were named.

Lynn’s sons had remained hopeful that as long as the investigation was ongoing their mom’s remains would not be released. They have reached out to investigators but do not yet have answers.

Aarron spoke with his dad, Kerry Messer, on two separate occasions this morning and this is what Aarron says transpired:

Aarron: “I heard that you buried mother yesterday?”

Kerry: “Why do you care?”

Aarron: “She’s my mother.”

Kerry: “And I’m supposed to be your dad.”

Aarron: “You…are…”

According to Aarron, Kerry hung up on him mid-sentence.

Kerry also stated that Lynn was buried by “the only family she has left, that actually love her.”

“This is who supporters of MFN are endorsing.  A man who takes the body of his children’s mother from the coroner in secret and buries her without a word to her own children, her mother, or her sisters; all out of spite because he is the primary suspect in her disappearance and death.”

Lynn’s remains were released from the St. Louis coroner’s office last week and Kerry had her remains transported to Arkansas. They were cleared yesterday and buried the same day. The sheriff’s office did not have a say in how this transpired; it was up to the coroner. The husband, even if he were sitting in jail, has control of the remains.

Was this a controlling, abusive act Kerry committed against his sons and their families?

This is no quick commute for Aarron’s  and Abram’s families, or for Lynn’s side of the family to visit Lynn’s gravesite.  What else can a father do to traumatize his children?

Lynn’s remains rest in Walcott, Arkansas, in Mount Zion Cemetery under the direction of Heath Funeral Home in Paragould, Arkansas.

Like Aarron, I too thought of organizations who continue to retain Kerry as their state lobbyist. Families for Home Education, is this the type of parents you are? Do you treat your own children in this way, or do you consider this highly dysfunctional? Why do you want someone like this representing you?

Make no mistake; Lynn’s remains being released to Kerry Messer in no way indicates he is no longer a part of the investigation into Lynn’s disappearance and death. The case is open and active with new information still being received by the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office.

 *Correction: Lynn ‘ s remains were released from the Ste. Genevieve County coroner.

 

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin or header for more articles.

 

*Opinions expressed are not from me. There has not been an arrest made in this case and no one is presumed guilty until proven in a court of law.

 

 

Lynn Messer secretly transported across state lines and buried

Lynn

Kerry Messer secretly transported Lynn’s remains across state lines for burial.

Aarron, Abram, and Elizabeth contacted family members this morning so they heard it from them first instead of from media.

Rumors have been circulating for the last 2-3 weeks that Lynn’s remains were going to be released to Kerry Messer in the near future. Kerry has posted on his Find Lynn Messer Facebook page that he intended to obtain Lynn’s remains soon.

My sources told me that Kerry informed his church First Baptist Church Festus/Crystal City that he in fact obtained her remains and buried them yesterday.  Lynn’s remains rest next to Grandma Messer. According to the funeral home a pastor was present at the grave side service; along with, Kerry, an unnamed woman, and two of Kerry’s relatives who were named.

Lynn’s sons had remained hopeful that as long as the investigation was ongoing their mom’s remains would not be released. They have reached out to investigators but do not yet have answers.

Aarron spoke with his dad, Kerry Messer, on two separate occasions this morning and this is what Aarron says transpired:

Aarron: “I heard that you buried mother yesterday?”

Kerry: “Why do you care?”

Aarron: “She’s my mother.”

Kerry: “And I’m supposed to be your dad.”

Aarron: “You…are…”

According to Aarron, Kerry hung up on him mid-sentence.

Kerry also stated that Lynn was buried by “the only family she has left, that actually love her.”

“This is who supporters of MFN are endorsing.  A man who takes the body of his children’s mother from the coroner in secret and buries her without a word to her own children, her mother, or her sisters; all out of spite because he is the primary suspect in her disappearance and death.”

Lynn’s remains were released from the St. Louis coroner’s office last week and Kerry had her remains transported to Arkansas. They were cleared yesterday and buried the same day. The sheriff’s office did not have a say in how this transpired; it was up to the coroner. The husband, even if he were sitting in jail, has control of the remains.

Was this a controlling, abusive act Kerry committed against his sons and their families?

This is no quick commute for Aarron’s  and Abram’s families, or for Lynn’s side of the family to visit Lynn’s gravesite.  What else can a father do to traumatize his children?

Lynn’s remains rest in Walcott, Arkansas, in Mount Zion Cemetery under the direction of Heath Funeral Home in Paragould, Arkansas.

The case remains open and active with new information still being received by the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office.

*Correction: Lynn ‘ s remains were released from the Ste. Genevieve County coroner.

Click here to support the #JusticeForLynn fundraiser

 

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

6 Things Personality Disordered People Do

personality

What do you do when you attempt to understand and be understood by someone with a personality disorder? (narcissistic, borderline, or obsessive compulsive personality disorder) but you’re stonewalled from the onset?

What do you do when you can’t have a conversation because they begin with trying to protect their lies to you and about you, and maintaining their abusive behavior toward you?

Remember: It’s not their fault.

1) They refuse responsibility.  (This is the #1 sign of an abuser. They never accept responsibility; and therefore, never apologize.)

2) They lie.

3) They look down on you.

4) They slander your reputation.

5) They are duplicative (phony).

6) They project (mirror their abuse on to you as if you are the one who committed it).

Abuse is never their fault.  It’s always your fault. Someone’s fault. To them, it’s not their Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard smallfault they hurt or abused you, it’s your fault for being hurt-able…abusable. If your feelings are hurt it’s your fault – for having feelings. You may be told you’re making the choice to feel bad, or hurt, or that you’re being overly sensitive.  If caught doing something insensitive or selfish, they will insist they have no idea what you’re talking about. Or they will mirror the truth of what they did back on you. Crazymaking at its best—gaslighting.  In their mind they had to do it because of someone or something else. If you imply that anything is their responsibility, they give you excuses, lies, and/or denial. From their perspective, you shouldn’t care — you should be willing to put the past behind you and pick-up as if the abuse never happened.

This may sound like a good idea; putting the past in the past. Not bringing it up again and allowing the relationship to continue on as if nothing happened, or with the forgiveness to forget and go on.

Forgiveness in our heart is always healing for the abused person but that doesn’t mean we extend the forgiveness to the abuser in word or deed. If they haven’t confessed, repented, and asked for your forgiveness then God does not require you to verbally extend the forgiveness to them.

Here is the problem with forgiving or forgetting without an apology and a change of heart from the person with narcissistic personality disorder (borderline, or obsessive compulsive personality disorder)…it is the same as telling them: “I’m okay with the way your treat me, the way you lie about me—the way you abuse me. You may continue this treatment and I will continue to allow it.”

You may need to change the dynamics of how you interact with this type of person. Remember: Abuse is not a relationship problem, a communication problem, or a marriage problem. It is an abuse/sin problem. For this reason victims should not receive counseling with their abuser; not even in marriage. The abuser needs serious, long-term, professional help for their abusive nature so they can find the root of it, receive healing, and gain freedom.

 

This is what ANA (After Narcisistic Abuse) has to say about this subject in regard to a narcissist:

“Many mentally disordered individuals project frequently. Narcissists, however, are some of the most actively and severely projecting people encountered. Ever full of accusations and criticisms, the most crazy-making thing about most of the narcissist’s claims is that YOU are doing exactly what THEY are doing. (Projection.) Have they just lied to you? Well, you’re about to be called dishonest. Are they cheating you out of an opportunity? You’re going to get the finger pointed at you for being sneaky. And you can’t say a word to them about something hurtful they have done, because that makes you an abuser – of them. You can’t give them anything but glowing feedback without their raging at you, but you’ll be the one constantly criticized severely and then called freakishly oversensitive if you show any feelings about it. And if they say so, it’s law — you don’t know what you’re talking about.

If you dare to question a narcissist or request things like healthy boundaries and honesty, you’re going to become public enemy number one. The “Mr. or Ms. Wonderful” mask immediately comes off, and there is no level they will not stoop to in order to “punish” you. They have myriad ways of attempting this; some are covert, and some are open and obvious. The narcissist has a seemingly inexhaustible obsession for making people who cross them “pay”. Once they set their sights on you, you’re a permanent enemy, and their seething spite will feel as intense years down the road as it did when it first began. The length of time they can keep up the full intensity of their hatred for you and their campaign to exact revenge is absolutely dumbfounding to non-narcissistic people.”

If you have a personality disorder, or are in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder you will likely need ongoing, professional counseling at some point.

My motto is: Wise people; strong  people seek help.

Counseling/therapy is not for “crazy” people. Counseling is for human beings. Don’t let anyone shame you away from receiving the help you need.

See: Solutions-Hotlines-Help, or Articles/Videos: Other Sources in the margin, header or footer of this blog (depending on which digital platform you use).

Video

Toxic Tuesday: Lysa TerKeurst’s Betrayal

My heart aches for Lysa.Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard small

I suspected this for several months. The  times I listened to Lysa in Bible studies or on pod casts over the last year I wondered if this was the difficult circumstance she was living in of which she couldn’t speak. There are some things so profoundly deep and traumatic that when you hear someone else speaking with such words…your betrayed heart reaches through multi-media and feels their secret soul-hurt.

I realize publication dates precede the release of her letter. I don’t know when it happened or when she made it public, but I’m grateful she was obedient in her calling to write a book and Bible study that would help her, and help others who would go through similar circumstances.

Rejection, Heartache, and a Faithful God

No person’s rejection of me can ever exempt me from God’s love for me.

“A Gut-Honest Look at Love.” That was the title of my first blog post of this year. Based on 1 Corinthians 13, I wrote, “Love isn’t what I have the opportunity to get from this world, love is what I have the opportunity to give.

This perspective on love has been a lifeline during the most painful season and decision of my adult life. I so wish we were sitting face-to-face so you could see my tears and hear the deep grief in my voice as I share this with you. My husband, life partner and father of my children, Art TerKeurst, has been repeatedly unfaithful to me with a woman he met online, bringing an end to our marriage of almost 25 years. For the past couple of years, his life has sadly been defined by his affection for this other woman and substance abuse. I don’t share this to harm or embarrass him, but to help explain why I have decided to separate from him and pursue a divorce. God has now revealed to me that I have done all I can do and I must release him to the Savior.

Continue reading the continuation of Lisa’s letter here….

 

If you find yourself in a season traveling the same road as Lysa you may find her book “Uninvited” at Amazon or Christian Book Distributors (Book, study guide, DVD study, or Audio book)

Uninvited…

The enemy wants us to feel rejected . . . left out, lonely, and less than. When we allow him to speak lies through our rejection, he pickpockets our purpose. Cripples our courage. Dismantles our dreams. And blinds us to the beauty of Christ’s powerful love.

In Uninvited, Lysa shares her own deeply personal experiences with rejection—from the incredibly painful childhood abandonment by her father to the perceived judgment of the perfectly toned woman one elliptical over.

With biblical depth, gut-honest vulnerability, and refreshing wit, Lysa helps readers:

    • Release the desire to fall apart or control the actions of others by embracing God-honoring ways to process their hurt.
    • Know exactly what to pray for the next ten days to steady their soul and restore their confidence.
    • Overcome the two core fears that feed our insecurities by understanding the secret of belonging.
    • Stop feeling left out and start believing that “set apart” does not mean “set aside.”
  • End the cycle of perceived rejection by refusing to turn a small incident into a full blown issue.

 

Continue reading the continuation of Lisa’s letter here….

Image

Lynn Messer: On Her Birthday

Lynn 4

Today marks Lynn Messer’s 55th birthday. Her last birthday on earth was celebrated a few weeks before her disappearance/death in 2014 at age 52. Today we will honor Lynn’s memory with photos of loved ones, and people she ministered to, who brought her great joy and purpose.

I continue to think of Lynn’s family; especially today as they remember her, miss her, and long for answers surrounding her death.

Please say a prayer for them that they will receive great comfort, clear answers, and Sovereign justice from their Heavenly Father.

Family, friends, and law enforcement are currently waiting for pathology and forensic reports to be completed and turned in to the F.B.I. There is no time line for this testing and the case remains open.

I still remember the morning our local homeschool group was notified that Missouri State Lobbyist, Kerry Messer’s wife, Lynn Messer was reported missing from the family farm in the middle of the night.  Our homeschool group was notified for prayer support and help searching for Lynn. My background of studying domestic abuse immediately sent up a red flag since most women who disappear, or who are murdered, are victims at the hands of their husband or significant other.

Lynn’s husband Kerry runs Missouri Family network which lobbies in Jefferson City for: ALLIANCE FOR LIFE, AMERICANS UNITED FOR LIFE, FAMILIES FOR HOME EDUCATION, MISSOURI ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN CHILD CARE AGENCIES, MISSOURIANS FOR PERSONAL SAFETY (gun safety), and SAMARITAN MINISTRIES INTERNATIONAL.

For over two years Lynn’s family did not know where she was or if she was still alive. Her remains were found November, 2016, on the family farm on the far side of the cow pasture that had been in question since Lynn’s scent trail was originally found there by search dogs. The same cow pasture where Kerry Messer insisted his son Abram move the cows in the early morning hours of Lynn’s disappearance before the police had been called. It has been verified by investigators that Abram did not move the cows by choice, but rather at the demand of his father. The question remains; did Kerry purposefully destroy evidence of Lynn’s trail and location?

Lynn 1

It was reported by the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Department that Kerry Messer said the last time he saw his wife was before going to bed just before mid-night. Messer said he awoke to the sound of a storm and realized his wife was missing from their bed. He told the authorities that he searched the 250 acre property and came to the conclusion Lynn was not there.

*Click on quotes below for original published internet article and author. 

The local St. Louis Post Dispatch reported the morning of July 8, 2014: “The patrol said that Messer has a broken right toe and does not have her walking boot with her. Her purse, cell phone and other personal items were left at the home. She has a history of depression and evidence at the scene indicates she may be in personal danger, the patrol said, though they didn’t provide more details.”

“Lynn Marie Messer, 52, walked away from her 300-acre farm in the 6300 block of Route DD, and an endangered person advisory was issued Tuesday night by the Missouri Highway Patrol.”

July 16, 2014: “Lynn Marie Messer, 52, walked away from her home on her 270-acre farm in the 6300 block of Route DD. Her husband, Kerry, woke up at about 4 a.m. and noticed she wasn’t there. He told police he searched his home and property and wasn’t able to find her, and called police at about 8 a.m.” 

Lynn’s sons Abram and Aarron have pointed out that Aarron was the person who called the police. Their statements have been confirmed by the recorded 911 tapes that were aired on Investigation Discovery Channel Disappeared: American Gothic.

“On July 8, on a rainy, dark morning, as Kerry Messer tells it, Lynn, 52, got out of bed sometime before 4 a.m. while he slept and then walked away from the family farmhouse. She left without her keys. She left without her wallet and cellphone, and the passport she used on regular church missions to Ecuador.”

“An intense investigation started the morning Lynn was reported missing and after Kerry searched the common areas around their 250 acre farm where she would normally be found.”

When Lynn’s remains were found on the family farm: “Schott said all the items located with Lynn’s remains were collected and picked up by the FBI Forensic Team. They either took them or the sheriff’s department sent them to the Missouri State Highway Patrol crime lab and the St. Louis Medical Examiner’s office.”

According to the Ste. Genevieve Sheriff’s office, Spring Thomas admitted that she has been in a relationship with Kerry Messer since at least eight weeks after Lynn’s disappearance. Lynn’s sons believe it was significantly earlier than the given time line. Friends say they have seen Kerry with Spring, and he has been known to bring her to lunch/business appointments with him.

On Kerry’s Facebook page: Find Lynn Messer he still actively writes about his shredded heart, his loneliness, his lengthy stories about himself, and the memories of “Ma” his “Bride” interspersed with what seems like contempt for Lynn while telling all the things she couldn’t do right.

Spring Thomas is never mentioned by Kerry on the Find Lynn Messer FB page.

The Lynn Messer case remains open and the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Department maintains custody of Lynn’s remains. The family has told me that Kerry’s wish for Lynn’s remains, when they are released, is that they be donated to science. This is not the wish of Abram’s family or Lynn’s side of the family. After over two years of not knowing where Lynn was they do not wish for her remains to disappear. They want to know, “she’s at rest, and that they will have a place to take the grand kids and say goodbye.”

As for the forensics testing:  “I’m not sure what type of specific testing is being done,” said Schott. “It will depend on the results that come back to determine what we do from there. Once they give us results on what they are doing, then it may lead us in another direction.”

There have been no arrests made in the disappearance or death of Lynn Messer as of this date.

Lynn 3

Click link ‘LYNN MESSER’ in margin for more articles.

Toxic Tuesday: Manifesto of the Duplicitous

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

For those of you who believe a Christ follower, pastor, church leader, soul winner, family values proponent, or godly leader in a high position could never abuse a child, rape a woman, murder a loved one, or steal from the church…have you read the Bible? The heart is deceitful above all things. Spiritually saved or unsaved humanity is capable of the darkest offenses.

Here is an excerpt of a letter from an individual who was previously in a position of authority, leadership and influence over, unknown to them, a toxic character. Of this corrupted personality the above mentioned leader wrote:  “He…

“…was duplicitous and deceptive, living a double life, disconnected from reality, certainly from spiritual reality.”

Here are the personal values of the Jekyll and Hyde described in the above quote. A soul in a bottomless pit of sexual addiction, a personality disorder, and mental illness.  A creature who blindly victimized the unsuspecting, the simple, the harmless and the innocent.   Who, by society’s standards, is an impostor perpetrating the vilest offenses.

This offender was hired by a church leadership which didn’t dig into the accused offender’s background. Rumors swirled but the leadership believed the offenders spin rather than doing a background check. Because of the church leadership’s lack of integrity to protect their flock innocent children were harmed.

This manifesto was penned to prove sincere devotion to God, to the ex-spouse, to the church, and to show they were healed and worthy of trust, respect, forgiveness and reconciliation.

  1. The economy of this nation depends on my acceptance of personal responsibility.
  2. I will seek to understand and empathize with others.
  3. My family is this nation’s citizenship.
  4. My family and friends are carefully selected allies with whom I have agreed to never war against.
  5. My happiness is not my first goal. Meeting my responsibilities is.
  6. True happiness is found in maintaining and growing in my relationships with God and others.
  7. I must daily be reminded that faith, decency and honor are the highest virtues of man.
  8. A poorly kept house is the first sign of danger: it is the thing most found in slums.
  9. Depression is a state of mind that wrecks the economy — not the reverse.
  10. Appreciation for nature and the arts are essential to maintaining health and centeredness.
  11. God is my First Love; my family and friends come second; I am third.
  12. I must gain independence before I can become interdependent with others.
  13. My attitudes, moods, and expressions must always be a reflection of God’s grace.
  14. God is Sovereign over the affairs of this and every life.
  15. ln every conflict and in every war — whether found from without or from within …is a Iust for what one hasn’t. May the passion of my heart, mind, soul, and strength be to love God completely; and my neighbor as myself.
  16. Faith, Hope, and Love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
  17. lf I bring anything of value, and pour it into the lives of others during my lifetime, may it all be of eternal value and for the good — not of taxing pain nor hurt by telling lies, victimizing others, nor of a pursuit for my own selfish gain and ambition.
  18. l am saved by Grace through Faith … my focus is not, nor can it be, on my righteousness for I have none. My focus is on Jesus Christ – the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He alone is the Righteousness of God, Who is received by Faith, reflected by Obedience, and revealed in Love.
  19. Although I have inherited a sinful nature, I am not captive to it. I have died to sin, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. He is my Hope of Glory.
  20. My life is a constant effort to remove idols and to tear down barriers. The television is my most visible idol and enemy.
  21. My daily regiment must include physical, mental, emotional, vocational, and most of all, spiritual exercise.
  22. Every meal should be eaten at the table.
  23. The windows should not be covered while the master is home. Light must be allowed to pour in.
  24. I will laugh and entertain with a clean sense of humor.
  25. Monotone fails to inspire … l will use effective and sincere inflections to motivate, challenge, and uplift others.
  26. l am committed to sexual and otherwise moral purity and excellence.
  27.  l will seek revival and restoration daily through confession, repentance and recommitment.
  28.  l will surrender my anger, frustrations, anxieties, and struggles to God daily.
  29.  I am a living sacrifice, not conforming to the world, but being transformed by the renewing of my mind.
  30.  Not a cent should be spent without giving thought to paying off every debt and investing for the future; however, it is acceptable to feed the birds on occasion.
  31.  The house and grounds are to reflect excellence and beauty – the canvass for a creative mind.
  32.  I am not an abuser who robs others of joy, but a gift-giver who offers all of myself to feed the souls of others consistently and in such a way that grows far beyond myself to touch lives within a darkened world in a very special, illuminating way.
  33.  Early to bed and early to rise, as a flexible rule.
  34.  My heart will not be allowed to grow cold, nor my conscience to be hardened. But I will maintain a sensitivity to things of beauty and a love for the Divine.
  35.  l will maintain a strong defense and readiness for personal or civil action as needs demand.
  36.  ‘The former ways” — even if only idealistic — are still to be desired over all others.
  37.  I will speak up and take a stand, even when unpopular, for the right.
  38.  I love my God, my family, His church, and the United States of America, and will honor, respect, and remember those who are older and wiser – and those who have gone before us.
  39.  The Bible will be open and visible in my home.
  40.  All I have is the Lord’s.
  41.  Verbal prayers will proceed every meal and will be said at the beginning and end of every day.
  42.  I will share my faith and the Gospel message with someone every day.
  43.  I will offer tithes and offerings, as God provides, to His storehouse, the Church.
  44.  l will not limit God by my unbelief but will seek to discover and fulfill His will for my life and for the lives of those entrusted to my care.
  45.  I will remember that humility honors God and welcomes His blessing.
  46.  I will remember that God seeks a bold, not weak faith in His ability rather than my own.
  47.  I will remember that Jesus died for the sins of the entire world, not just for those in my tiny little circle.
  48.  l will remember holy days – birthdays, anniversaries, and celebrations.
  49.  I will maintain and build upon close and distant past and present friendships.
  50.  Only Jesus can erase sin and hold it no longer to my account: yet it is my responsibility to perform the ongoing ministry of reconciliation – that of healing and re-uniting broken relationships.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In light of innocent victims; numbers 15, 17, 23 and 32 are the most disturbing to me. Number 32 is off the charts unhealthy and twisted when considered in the context of predator and victim.

15.  ln every conflict and in every war — whether found from without or from within…is a Iust for what one hasn’t. May the passion of my heart, mind, soul, and strength be to love God completely; and my neighbor as myself.

17.   lf I bring anything of value, and pour it into the lives of others during my lifetime, may it all be of eternal value and for the good — not of taxing pain nor hurt by telling lies, victimizing others, nor of a pursuit for my own selfish gain and ambition.

23.  The windows should not be covered while the master is home. Light must be allowed to pour in.

32.   I am not an abuser who robs others of joy, but a gift-giver who offers all of myself to feed the souls of others consistently and in such a way that grows far beyond myself to touch lives within a darkened world in a very special, illuminating way.

I share this as a wake-up call to those in positions of leadership; especially within the church. If someone hands you a value statement similar to this; it may be time to pursue professional help for them.

The power of prayer and the courage of little ‘David’ voices against their Goliath put an end to this reign of ‘gift-giving’ and ‘illuminating’ abuse.

Image

20 Signs You Were Raised by a Narcissist

Do you have dysfunctional family dynamics or know someone who does? If you were raised by a parent with narcissistic personality disorder you will relate to these statements. Many of the sayings apply to being raised by someone with any type of personality disorder, but all of the below testimonials will validate children, young or grown, of a parent, or parents, with narcissistic personality disorder.

NPD 000NPD 67

Narcissist:

Someone so toxic they are willing to jeopardize

anybody’s reputation or future, including their own children,

to help themself get out of a sticky situation, conversation, sin, or

crime.  In their personality disordered mind it’s no big deal.

NPD 64NPD 62Toxic40NPD 58NPD 56NPD 44NPD 37NPD 27NPD 21NPD 16NPD 6toxic people boundariesToxic48Toxic47

narc parent 2narc parent 4

Narc parent