Lynn Messer’s family history

Two and a half years ago I reached out to the Messer brothers through social media and explained to them who I am, why I blog, what my background is, and that I wrote a blog post about their mom’s disappearance.

I told them if they wanted to share anything with my readers I would be honored to listen, and to be a voice for their mom.  I assured them that I understood if they didn’t have the time, energy, or interest to schedule this in their lives right now.

They both kindly replied.

Today I’m reposting some of the memories Abram has and things he thinks as he looks at the past and present. Here is a portion of Abram Messer’s reply from July 2016, “I’ve been thinking about reaching out to you to not only thank you for your piece, but to see if you would be interested in talking to me. One of the many issues that I struggle with having grown up in a home where destructive ideology  was normal is my desire to break, (I pray permanently) the sin cycle and demonstrate a Biblical example for my children to see. I would love to share more of our story with you. Thank you for following the prompting of the Holy Spirit to reach out to me.”

According to Abram Messer, and confirmed with the Ste Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office, Kerry Messer, was no longer cooperating with the investigation and hadn’t been since 2015.  And with this, I can tell you that Abram had been doing what no child, no matter what age, could ever imagine having to do. He had been assisting in an investigation that had questions about his dad, due to the disappearance of his mom.

During my conversation with Abram, he conveyed his appreciation and trust in the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office. He explained they have, and continue to do a terrific job. He equally included the hours of interviews, over the last two years, they conducted with him. Abram mentioned how investigators stepped inside his head and pulled out information he wouldn’t have thought of on his own. He reflected that if the authorities need another 9 hour interview from his head he will give it every day. Abram has complete faith in their ability because they want to come to the truth. So if you have heard by word of mouth, or read in other news outlets, that the investigators aren’t doing their job it simply isn’t true.

*Disclaimer: There have been no arrests made in the disappearance of Lynn Messer. Kerry Messer remains innocent of any charges. I am not claiming a diagnosis or guilt; but simply pointing out concerns. See disclaimer in the margin.

I will walk you through a bit of Messer family history according to Lynn and Kerry’s son, Abram. While talking to Abram, I could have literally finished some of his sentences for him because I think I understand what he lived through growing up and I understand some of the mind-set I hear and read about his father.

I’ve often wondered why people are easily hoodwinked by the possibility of dual personality individuals. I wonder if it’s from having a good heart that’s always looking for the best in people; because who goes around looking for evil.  We tend to believe what we see. If we were at the theatre watching a play we would expect to see grand acting, but we don’t anticipate seeing it in the office, at church, at school, at the store, or standing in the driveway talking to a neighbor.

If you think it was easy for Abram to recall this history, I can tell you it wasn’t. There were a few times I thought our phone call had disconnected, but no, he needed time to process what he wanted to say. He loves his mom. He loves his dad.  He wants to help other families, other women, and other victimizers recognize abuse before it’s too late. He speculated that recent events have changed how he views his relationship with his wife and children. He believes human nature will do one of two things.

  1. Repeat the Cycle

  2. Go to the opposite extreme

We both agreed that there is a better option. Stop holding any person to a standard you want to achieve, or a low you want to avoid. Our standard is Jesus. If His heart, mind, way and will is what we chase after we will always be progressing in a good and healthy direction.

Survivors and witnesses share their stories because it could be the key that leads to freedom for other victims. Abram was clear on his objectives for speaking out about his family life and his mom’s disappearance. You can read, LYNN MESSER: 3 OBJECTIVES, by clicking here.

Abram thought for a long time his father lived two lives. Kerry seemed different at home than he was at church or anywhere else. Out of curiosity I asked, “How old were you when you came to this realization?”

Abram didn’t have to think about the answer, he knew it, “Between 10 and 12 years old.”

I asked because 10-12 seems to be a common age when children become aware of abusive or mentally unstable parents. Children often wonder if something is wrong sooner, but that tends to be the age when they know, and can understand it and verbalize it.

Abram conveyed that he grew up having a dread of daddy coming home from work; just knowing he would come home from work caused anxiety because he knew dad only cared about work. When at friends’ homes he envied the kids’ excitement when their daddy arrived home from work. They would excitedly run to the window waiting for their father to walk through the door to great them.

The term, “Ma” that Kerry uses in his Facebook posts on the, “Find Lynn Messer” page originated when the boys were around 14-15 years old. The term came from the Ma and Pa Kettle films. Lynn never liked the term, and requested that Kerry not use it but he chose not to respect her wish.  Abram didn’t use the term; to his knowledge, thinks only Kerry used it.

A point that has stuck in many minds is how dependable Lynn was for commitments she made; such as VBS (Vacation Bible School). Lynn spent months preparing for the church VBS program every year. On Monday, July 7, 2014, Lynn went to Wal-Mart and purchased supplies for the Tuesday VBS program. She was prepared. She was excited. She was scheduled to participate the next day; Tuesday, July 8, 2014, but Lynn was a no-show to VBS.

Kerry reportedly hid financial records from Lynn and refused to write balances in checkbooks leaving Lynn to constantly fret over finances.

In 1984 Kerry began working for Missouri Family Network as a lobbyist for pro-life, family and homeschool causes. M.F.N. was one of a few small organizations that worked across the gamut on these issues. Kerry has quietly encouraged M.F.N. supporters to write the checks in his name, Kerry Messer.  I’ve talked to other individuals who remember this as well.

Abram told about his dad’s decision to drive older used vehicles. There came a time about three years ago when a married couple from their church became burdened for Kerry because he didn’t have a dependable car to drive back and forth to Jefferson City. This sweet and caring couple went to friends and quietly fundraised. They happily sacrificed, knowing the Messers didn’t have money for another vehicle, and bought Lynn and Kerry a new car that would be dependable for work and family life. Weren’t they wonderful friends? Yes! But guess what? According to Abram, his dad didn’t want to drive the new car, especially not to Jefferson City, because donors wouldn’t want to give financial gifts to him if they thought he had enough money to purchase such a nice looking new car. Thus, his decision to stick with older models that looked the part of poor, financially needy lobbyist. I wondered what became of the car. Abram said his mom was in an accident with that car and it was totaled.

A man who couldn’t afford a dependable car and yet has accumulated a reported two and a half million dollars in assets while family members think he managed to keep it completely hidden from Lynn.

Abram mentioned overriding character questions he had about his dad.

  • It seemed there was one way to do everything; and it was his dad’s way?

  • Took an excessively long time deciding how to complete tasks with perfection being the goal; making it difficult to begin the task?

  • Didn’t like to involve others in completing projects or work tasks?

  • Money was hidden and hoarded?

  • Had a deep need to control everything and everyone around him?

  • Held a strong belief that husbands are to dominate their wives?

  • Dishonest, fraudulent, duplicitous personality. Changed according to his audience?

  • Took advantage of others to get what he wanted?

  • Lacked empathy; was willing to lie about his own kids to save himself?

  • Craved admiration; read the, “Find Lynn Messer” FB page?

  • Fabricated stories and fantasies of ideal love to attract attention, read the, “Find Lynn Messer” FB page?

  • Life was about him?

  • Didn’t bond with people?

Abram revealed that Lynn did suffer physical abuse at the hands of his father. Although Kerry took the time on the 11/22/2014 Facebook post to expand on his beliefs of women not violating the secrecy of marriage; specifically of his, “Bride” being wise to guard herself on what she shares about her husband with other women. She wisely did just the opposite! Kerry went on to post, “There are things husbands and wives know that no one should ever be told. The home is a place where virtually every social taboo no longer applies. The home is where we all get to relax and drop all our guards (and dog gone it, everyone has gas – get over it). But you still don’t talk about many things in ways that violate your mate. And the list of such topics can get long. A little discretion affirms a lot of love!”JusticeForLynnMesser

Thankfully, Lynn, had shared with some women about the abuse she suffered in the home; abuse from Kerry, because social taboos are wrong for a reason. These women have reportedly fully cooperated with investigators and presented the truth that Lynn has not been able to offer in person.

I often say, if a woman is strong enough to stay; she is strong enough to leave.

Did Lynn finally realize her husband was not capable of change and decided to adjust her life? Did she fail to realize he was willing to keep toxic control with any means necessary?

If you believe your life may be in jeopardy; please listen to me as I gently, but firmly, tell you, “Leave immediately.” Go to the authorities. Go to Domestic Violence. Go to  a counselor. Document the abuse in every way possible. See: It is Real You are Write.  If you plan on confronting your abuser about his toxic ways it is best to do it in the company of a witness or witnesses. See Toxic Intervention. Scroll down the left margin of this blog for, “Articles: Other Sources” and “Solutions-Hotlines-Help.”

I will leave you with this quote from Abram,

“To know in the middle, of not knowing what happened, that God did not wake up the morning of July 8, 2014, and say, ‘Wow, I didn’t see this coming!’ I know he will use all this to our benefit;  to change us, to mold us…there is some solace to that.”


*Disclaimer: The above thoughts and memories do not come from me. These are someone else’s opinions and do not necessarily reflect the ideas or opinions of this website.  I am committed to publishing works of integrity. In that spirit, The testimony presented in this letter does not constitute legal facts, a guarantee, or a prediction regarding the outcome of advice given, or of future events.










A Case Against Abused Women: Part 3


This is part 3 of a continuation.

You may read Part 1 here…

Part 2 here…


Please understand, I don’t write about this topic to chastise John Piper or to change his mind.  I do however find it odd that he believes gender roles is what leads to a Christian flourishing in their personal life, rather than an intimate daily relationship with Jesus Christ. I speak up to protect others from falling under his wrong teaching on this subject. I don’t say any of this from high atop a pedestal, but on my knees at the foot of the cross where Jesus’ finished work brought victory and freedom to set everyone; including the abuse victim, free.  I shine the light and speak the truth even though my voice shakes and my hands tremble.                                                                                                                                                                                       

Who is an abuser?

To the outside: He’s your ideal man. To her:  He’s her worst nightmare.

The impossible part for a Christian woman, married to a Christian abuser, is when her abuser has a Bible and knows it better than her; or can quote it better. The person who helps dig her proverbial grave and helps the abusive husband push her in is the pastor or counselor who believes all marital problems can be solved with scripture and/or counseling.

Here is what Don Hennessey, a relationship counselor and former director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency, has to say about abusers. (This covers all types of abuse: physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, reproductive, spiritual, financial.)

We all know that pedophiles target children for sexualized abuse. Don Hennessy coined the word psychephile for the man who abuses his intimate female partner. A psychephile targets the psyche of the woman he has selected as his target for a long term intimate relationship.

Hennessy used the word psychephile in order to emphasise that it is by befriending the mind of the woman that he can establish, maintain and intensify his control of another adult.

The word psychephile combines the root of ‘psyche’ meaning mind or spirit, and ‘phile’ which comes from the Greek for friend.  (How He Gets Into Her Head, p 21 [affiliate link*]

The skilled offender has managed to create an illusion that what he wants is power and control. We are right in believing that this partly explains his behaviour but sadly his intention goes further. The tactics of targeting, setting up and grooming are used by all sexual predators who wish to develop and maintain a long-term sexual relationship with their target. (111)

Skilled offenders are people who believe that their sexual needs must be met repeatedly by the same woman. These psychephiles have a common goal. (111) 

The goal of all his tactics is to have his sexual needs met without negotiation. (102)

The bed is the battleground were the male abuser needs to be in charge. He can be demanding or rejecting of affection and intimacy, but either way he must be in charge. (117)

 Too long have I had my dwelling among those who hate peace.
I am for peace, but when I speak, they are for war! (Psalm 120: 6-7)


Again, I restate that abuse is not a doctrinal/theological, or gender issue. It is an abuse issue. The best indication that you’re dealing with an abuser is that they always deny the abuse.

According to these sources: Don Hennessey, many counselors who specialize in domestic violence, and counselors who have worked with abusers who suffer from personality disorders; abusers have the power to change but they don’t desire to change. Therefore, they rarely heal from their abusive character disorders.

Abused women from the #MeToo movement don’t reflect a sudden increase in marital and/or sexual abuse, but rather finally shine a long overdue light into a dark corner of our society. We’ve never had a powerful took like the internet to make our plight known around the globe…instantly. We aren’t asking for men to be degraded so we can be lifted up. We aren’t asking to take their place. We are simply asking to be treated with the worth and respect Jesus gave us.  Jesus is the ultimate authority of the dignity of all humans since He found us worthy of dying for on the cross.

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures. I Corinthians 15:3-4 (NIV).


“The Cross is certainly the place of forgiveness; it is also the place of exposing.” Diane Langbert, PhD

You Are For Me: Lyrics

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

Lord, I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me that…

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

You remind me

I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never
Forsake me in my weakness

And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are



Fri-nally Happy Hour: Power Shots

HAPPY HOUR: Fridays AT 5:00 P.M.—Kick back after a hard week’s work and enjoy the intoxicating goodness of true love and wisdom without putting a dent in your wallet. It’s like free fast food for your soul. ~Enjoy!

You know those bad days, bad moments, or bad thoughts you sometimes have?

I have them too.

Do you find yourself saying “I should be…

I shouldn’t do that.

I shouldn’t feel this way.

I should know better.

I should…

Or, if Satan would just leave me alone!”

He’s worked overtime trying to destroy me for most of my life, but I don’t blame every hurt, inconvenience, attack, or bad decision on him. Sometimes I’m capable of cultivating my own problems or focusing on unhealthy emotions.

So when I notice a pattern of negative thinking entering my daily thought life…again…and feel defeated by it, I decide to name the problem and claim God’s promise. This requires simple repetition.

It goes like this: I noticed I was reacting in anger toward my kids instead of coming to them in an attitude of grace as a teachable moment. No doubt, it was anger…and it was feeling pretty good…in a bad way. Seriously, it feels good to be angry sometimes! Do you ever feel like that? 

So I named it; anger. Then spoke out loud “God, I feel a spirit of anger in me and around me. This isn’t from You. You have not given me a spirit of anger, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1: 7.

Another day I had a situation causing fear so I named it. “Father, I’m sensing a spirit of fear. You haven’tI Timothy 1 7 given me a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.  I believe you and I receive it.”

Then…I was confused over someone’s behavior and was taking it personally. “Lord, I’m confused and I know you didn’t give me a spirit of confusion, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. I’m happy to have power, love, and a sound mind!”

The emotion that tries to take me over most often is anxiety. Anxiety is not my friend and may not participate in my life no matter how many times it tries. “God, anxiety wants to take over again! You did not give me a spirit of anxiety, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. I’m kicking anxiety into the trash. Thank You for power, love, and a sound mind.”

Now that I think of it; I experienced this 16 years ago when I was besieged by a new situation in my life. I had an overwhelming sense of something; something debilitating…so I asked Jesus what it was because I knew it wasn’t from Him. The answer came to my heart, soul, mind, and strength. Shame. Shame? Yes, it was shame and it wasn’t my shame. That was a lie straight from the father of lies; Satan. It was an act someone committed against me. I named it. Shame. “Jesus, this is not from You. You did not give me a spirit of shame, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” The feeling of shame instantly left, the tears stopped, and joy returned.

Every time I practice this simple application it works. Our job is to pray. God‘s job is to act on behalf of our prayers.  He’s always listening and always working in the lives of believers.

Praying the word out loud is like receiving an instant power shot. It centers me on God and His strength and healing rather than on my inadequacies and emotions. It’s faith in action. I’m telling ya, something changes when I practice this and it works. God works!

A Case Against Abused Women: Part 2

Read part 1 here…


I know this makes many people uncomfortable. I know there are those who believe I am shaming the church and bringing harm to the name of Jesus. I’m confident that Jesus wants us to shine light in the dark places and bring truth and critical thinking to the table. More than this; I’m confident that Jesus is sovereignly secure in who He is. I believe I’m faithfully living out what scripture teaches. You should defend those who cannot help themselves. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.” Proverbs 31:809 (TLB)inspire

So, I’ll continue…

First, allow me to share what I wrote on Facebook when the #MeToo, #Church Too movement began. I wanted to put it in terms our male brothers could understand.

You’re in prison with a 300 pound gang leader who stares, heckles, stalks, isolates, gropes, objectifies, overpowers, rapes you. No one cares. The guards allow it. If you want to keep your job, eat, or live you’ll have to tolerate it.

In Part 1 I said, “Let me begin by stating my disagreement with Piper’s recent teaching in his article: Sex abuse allegations and the egalitarian myth.” Egalitarianism teaches all people are equal in fundamental worth and social status and deserve equal rights and opportunities. Piper’s argument that sexual abuse is a recent problem resulting from egalitarianism marriages doesn’t mesh with studies, counselors, abuse cases in the media, my limited experience, or Biblical accounts of abuse.

I highly disagree with his reasoning. Abuse is not a theological/doctrinal or marriage problem. It is an abuse problem. I find absolutely no scripture to back this claim. Jesus calls sin; sin.

Abusers have bad character, or a duplicitous personality.

Character traits have nothing to do with doctrinal believes.

But let’s humor that idea for a moment and take a closer look at the suggestion that the complementarian Biblical view is the way out of abusive marriages. How has that worked for the following complementarian and/or patriarchal participants? Click on name to link to story.

Josh Duggar was raised in a complementarian home and embraced those ideals in his marriage. Yet he molested his sisters and a babysitter while growing up in their family home, joined Ashley Madison “Life is short. Have an affair” while married with children, and carried on illicit sexual affairs.

Doug Wilson

Doug Phillips is a Christian author, speaker, attorney, and homeschooling advocate of the patriarchal movement. He was the “ president of the now-defunct Vision Forum Ministries until he resigned due to an inappropriate relationship and grooming of an underage teen, then using his position of authority as clergy, boss, and mentor to continue the relationship after she became an adult.”

Sovereign Grace Ministries

Saeed Abidni  purchased his  license to be a pastor over the internet. His wife, Naghmeh Panahi, left him for proven allegations of domestic abuse, and unfaithfulness. He was recently arrested for violating a no-contact order.

Andy Savage 

The Catholic Church

Tullian Tchividjian

Ravi Zacharias

Correspondence I receive from pastor’s wives and missionary’s wives around the world who tell of abuse they suffer in their complementarian or patriarchal marriages.

I’ve ministered to around 25 women in my area, the Christian homeschool community, who are living through or leaving severe abuse in their complementarian or patriarchal marriages.

Biblical examples of domestic abuse: King Saul giving his daughter, David’s wife, to another man. King David and Bathsheba. Nabal and Abigail. Amnon violated his sister, Tamar. Judah (father-in-law) and Tamar (daughter-in-law). Judges 19 gives an example of serious domestic abuse from a patriarchal household. Polygamy throughout the Old Testament.

These examples nullify the possibility of egalitarianism being the cause of marital, sexual, and domestic abuse.

Controlling behavior, explosive anger, sexual addictions, and constant negativity, are signs you’re likely dealing with a domestic abuser. But if the person constantly denies, justifies, minimizes, or spiritualizes their treatment of others then you know the person is an abuser. It has been my experience the majority of, if not all, abusers have untreated mental health issues, addictions, and/or a personality disorder.

Of course, the man people at church see is always on his best behavior so they would never guess he has the capability to act as two different people. Church activities bring out his best public behavior; not the same as the private behavior in his home. (Again, I know there are  men who suffer from abuse, but my ministry is to women.) I want women, and our church family, to understand sexual and domestic abuse have nothing to do with gender roles. If you are abused, please tenderly hear this: The abuse has nothing to do with you. You can be nearly perfect in every way and it still won’t be enough to stop the abuse. Why? It’s about the abuser and his deep need for power over you. Even sexual abuse has nothing to do with lust or desire. It’s also about power and control.

To be continued…


Painting Pictures of Egypt

I don’t want to leave here
I don’t want to stay
It feels like pinching to me
Either way
And the places I long for the most
Are the places where I’ve been
They are calling out to me
Like a long lost friend

It’s not about losing faith
It’s not about trust
It’s all about comfortable
When you move so much
And the place I was wasn’t perfect
But I had found a way to live
And it wasn’t milk or honey
But then neither is this

Chorus: I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt
Leaving out what it lacks
And the future feels so hard
And I want to go back
But the places they used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I’ve learned
Those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned

The past is so tangible
I know it by heart
Familiar things are never easy
To discard
I was dying for some freedom
But now I hesitate to go
I am caught between the Promise
And the things I know
Bridge: If it comes to quick
I may not appreciate it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
And if it comes to quick
I may not recognise it
Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Songwriter: SARA GROVES



Andy Savage Sexual Abuse Resignation: A necessary decision

In case you missed earlier headlines about Andy Savage here is a recap.

Andy Savage was the teaching pastor at Highpoint Church in Memphis, TN. A Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard smallstudent from his youth group twenty years ago came forward and publicly named him as having sexually assaulted her years ago. The assault took place when she attended the church where Andy Savage was on staff. Andy said it was, “A mutually organic experience.” She was an underage high school student. He was an adult on staff. These two facts can’t add up to a mutually organic experience. This was the first time I’ve heard an abuser use this terminology.

I wrote more about this back in January. Read: 14 points the church needs to hear in the wake of the Andy Savage sexual assault case.


Is Andy Savage’s resignation over due? Yes!

Has he acknowledged wrong doing and accepted full blame? Yes and no. He has admitted wrong, admitted he poorly handled telling his church, and admitted to making mistakes, but is still spinning some wording and phrasing.

Has he admitted that he committed a crime? No!

Has anything good come of this? Yes.

Highpoint Church had an independent investigation performed and although they didn’t say exactly what all the conclusions were, they did agree that Andy Savage’s resignation was the correct decision.

We can be sure at least one church will do a better job safeguarding their flock. Hopefully, many churches are learning from example, instead of having to take a field trip to learn the lesson first hand. I hope another lesson learned is that is it never appropriate to give a standing ovation after someone divulges sin, abuse, or a crime.

I’m thankful for the #MeToo and #ChurchToo movements. I know it makes many people cringe, but abuse survivors are not among them. I understand that ignoring the abuse or taking the side of the abuser is easier. This requires that you do nothing; see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil. Victims want you to share the burden of the pain they have experienced. They need validation. This will require action, engagement, and remembering.

“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain as they are.” ― Augustine of Hippo

Jules Woodson, the victim, has received hate filled messages from some of Andy’s supporters. I hope they all write her a heart-felt apology. She had every right to come forward, but that is a whole other topic. She was brave and courageous, and victims of church abuse everywhere can be thankful she spoke, and thankful it led to Andy Savage’s resignation.

I did notice that Andy Savage said he is stepping away from ministry; not leaving the ministry. He needs to leave full-time Christian ministry where he would have leadership access in any capacity.

I understand that Andy Savage’s family will now suffer the consequences of choices he made and continued to make. It isn’t fair to them. This is why we must be purposeful raising our children while helping them understand that their sin never effects only them. It has immediate and lasting results and usually impacts those around them.

Most importantly, I pray the church is listening, remembering, and acting on allegations of abuse as soon as it’s reported. Regardless of what you think, know, believe, or feel the only correct course of action is to imediately call the authorities and allow them to investigate and sort it out. 

Statements are available here… READ: Investigation Conclusion, Update from Highpoint Church, and Update from Andy Savage

I’m in favor of changing state laws to take the statute of limitations away for sex crimes; and making the new law retro active.






Saeed Abedini Update March 2018


Saeed Abedini, former husband of Naghmeh (Abedini) Panahi, is once again making the headlines.

He violated a current court ordered no contact and was subsequently arrested.

Read the Idaho Statesman article here…

Saeed’s current Facebook posts tell of his return from a trip to Turkey where he met up with Nasim, the woman Saeed has allegedly been in a relationship with since before his arrest and imprisonment in Iran. Naghmeh knew the night before Saeed was arrested that he had spent the night with his lover and that he continued the relationship with Nasim upon his release from the Iranian prison system.


Above photo credit: Saeed Abedini’s public Facebook profile picture


8:25 P.M. update: 

Boise pastor sent derogatory messages to ex-wife, violating no-contact order, court says


Past articles on this subject:

Naghmeh Abedini’s Leaked Letter

 She Said He Said: Naghmeh and Saeed Abedini

Naghmeh Abedini: How Do We Respond? Part 1  

Naghmeh Abedini: How Do We Respond, Part 2

Naghmeh Abedini: How Do We Respond? Part 3 

Naghmeh Abedini One Year Later

Naghmeh (Abedini) Panahi’s Divorce






A Case Against Abused Women: Part 1

I’ve wanted to address teachings sometimes heard in the church regarding marital abuse because it is this type of teaching that kept me and countless other Christian sisters in abusive marriages. I didn’t know if I would make it out alive, but did. Some women and children haven’t made it out alive.Be a conqueror

This week John Piper once again made the news for his views on women, and why some men abuse women; doctrinal differences. He addresses reasons for cases of widespread abuse being reported in the news.

Were it not for my intense bout with migraines the last few days I would have addressed this earlier. This is a lengthy piece so I will split it between multiple posts.


Cases that have recently been in the headlines include, but unfortunately are not limited to:

  • Bill Cosby sexual assault and rape law suits include 58 alleged victims, 19 of which will be testifying against him in court. Jury selection for the Cosby trial is set to begin March 29 at the Montgomery County Courthouse in Norristown, Pa. The trial is scheduled for April 2.
  • Harvey Weinstein is an American film producer and executive who is currently under investigation for multiple sexual assaults of at least 80 women which spanned 30 years. This scandal triggered similar allegations against powerful men around the world. It spurred the #MeToo movement.
  • Sovereign Grace Ministries had multiple recorded cover-ups of sexual assault and rapes committed against children in their care.
  • Saeed Abidni whose wife, Naghmeh Panahi, left him for proven allegations of domestic abuse, and unfaithfulness was recently arrested for violating a no-contact order.
  • Andy Savage who is the teaching pastor at Highpoint Church in Memphis, TN sexually assaulted a girl in his youth group when he was a youth pastor 20 years ago. The staff at Highpoint supports and is attempting to save Savage’s ministry.
  • Cases against Bill Gothard (and his board), founder of the Institute in Basic Life Principles. This was a ministry where teens left their homes to live at headquarters to help with ministry opportunities. With my background, I still find it disturbing that an unmarried single man ran a ministry where he had constant unsupervised time alone with individual students. This is child safety and ministry safety 101 at any Christian based institution and has been for decades: For the students’ protection they are to NEVER be left alone with one person. There is safety in numbers. (Unfortunately many pastors, staff, and teachers don’t adhere to this safety measure).
  • The Catholic Church has been plagued with child sexual abuse cases for decades.
  • Josh Duggar: Ashley Madison scandal and reports of child sexual molestation.
  • The wife of Pastor Greg Locke of Global Vision Bible Church in Mount Juliet, Tennessee left him and is living in a shelter for safety and provisions. Although Greg Locke denies any wrong doing on his part I’ve read the hateful, scathing text messages he sent his wife about her weight, her looks, his disdain for her, and in which he used profane language against her. He was having a reported, emotional if not physical, relationship with his wife’s best friend who is also his secretary.
  • Ravi Zacharias sexual grooming relationship with a woman not his wife. This case was settled out of court and neither side can legally speak about it. This is convenient for Ravi because I was sent some of the text messages/emails and there is no way he can conveniently talk his way out of his wrong doing. I won’t ever be able to listen to him teach again knowing what he wrote. Some of it was sinful and some of it was weird, but all of it was an abuse of his ministry position.
  • Doug Wilson: I could write a book on the wrong theology of Doug Wilson and his wrongly placed allegiance to pedophiles who have attended his church. A 13 year old girl congregant was groomed, assaulted, and raped by a man from the church. Doug placed blame on the child because she was tall for her age, well developed for her age, and mature for her age. Doug Wilson preformed a wedding ceremony so a known pedophile at the church could marry a young woman from the church. It didn’t end well.
  • I receive correspondence from pastor’s wives and missionary’s wives around the world who tell of abuse they suffer from their husbands.
  • I minister to around 25 women in my area, the Christian homeschool community, who are living through or leaving severe abuse from their husbands.
  • Rachael Denhollander was the first woman to publicly accuse USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar (associated with Michigan State University) of sexually abusing her as a teenager, a case that led to more than 250 other victims coming forward for their day in court.

Rachael is a Christian who received her law degree from the Christian Oak Brook College of Law. This makes her the best credentialed child sexual abuse survivor to lead the charge in ridding our churches and institutions of predators, and teaching the public to always: believe the children first, contact the authorities second, and allow the law to sort it out.


Let me begin by stating my disagreement with Piper’s recent teaching in his article: Sex abuse allegations and the egalitarian myth. Piper’s argument is that the egalitarian doctrine, which teaches all people are equal in fundamental worth and social status and deserve equal rights and opportunities, has led to men becoming abusers since he doesn’t believe this is the way God intended men and women to function.

I highly disagree with his reasoning. Abuse is not a theological/doctrinal or marriage problem. It is an abuse problem. I find absolutely no scripture to back Piper’s claim. Jesus calls sin; sin.

Dear beloved church,

We must do better.

Marriage is


To be continued…

Afer all if we buy into, “Boys will be boys” we are reinforceing “Girls have no humanity; they’re just objects.”