The following is for educational purposes only. I am not a professional. I write to help bring awareness for those who may be interacting with duplicitous individuals. As the conversation about destructive marriages continues to grow in the mainstream and within the church, we are provided with excellent opportunities to have much needed discussions. It’s my belief that if we seize the opportunities to tell our stories and discuss topics like this on a greater scale, we will begin to change the tides.
I’m not saying anyone in this article has been proven to be double-minded or guilty of a crime; they haven’t.
I seek only to help my readers recognize the possibility of such people existing, because it may occur with someone they know or with whom they interact.
The writer of the Find Lynn Messer Facebook page allows me opportunity to educate my readers on how there are two ways to look at a person. For teaching purposes the page can be taken at face value (completely true), or as an alternate reality (made up stories) or possibly coming from an unstable and/or criminal mind. Kerry Messer is a public figure which makes this a public interest case since he fund raises from the citizens of Missouri to provide for his professional and personal finances through his organization Missouri Family Network. Lynn Messer’s sons and extended family continue to point out moral and ethical issues they have witnessed by Kerry Messer. I do not write these posts or publish letters as a professional in any field of expertise, but rather to educate my readers from the life experiences through which I have lived. See the disclaimer in the side margin. I simply raise questions so we can consider different viewpoints.
Here is the link to my first ever “Toxic Tuesday: Lynn Messer Missing Person” post which explains my reasoning for writing about Lynn.
Kerry Messer is a Missouri state lobbyist whose wife Lynn Messer disappeared July 8, 2014. Her remains were discovered on their farm November 1, 2016. Law enforcement continues to investigate her death while waiting on the conclusion of all forensic testing. We now know that Lynn has been deceased the entire time.
Since my last post on this subject, Kerry Messer: Update, I’ve been making more phone calls to inquire if he still lobbies for THE MISSOURI ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN CHILD CARE AGENCIES, INC and MISSOURIANS FOR PERSONAL SAFETY. As with previous calls I’ve made to Kerry Messer’s principals, I was given yet another false claim about the Lynn Messer case. I understand these organizations are passing on information they have been told. This time it was, “Lynn’s death was ruled a suicide and the case has been closed.” Kerry’s name is still listed for Missourians for Personal Safety and Alliance for Life as their lobbyist on the Missouri Ethics Commission website despite them saying Kerry does not work for them. MACCCA still works with Kerry.
As with all past claims I promptly called the Ste. Genevieve County Sheriff’s office to verify the assertion. I was told, “No, Lynn Messer’s death has not been ruled a suicide and the case is not closed.”
I have asked many questions about Lynn’s disappearance and death, and questions about Kerry Messer and Spring Thomas. Kerry has not contacted me to answer any of the questions. Like wise, when I asked Kerry, on his FLM FB page, about a C.S. Lewis quote that he cited in one of his writings he did not answer. He maintained it was a direct quote but it cannot be verified as a quote, a paraphrase, and after running it through plagiarism websites the quote still can’t be found.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Kerry Messer continued to publicly post weekly updates on his Facebook autobiography page, Find Lynn Messer, through August 19, 2017. Here is my brief commentary for his July and August posts. (Picture of Kerry and Lynn is from the public FLM FB page. A family member volunteered that they were present when this picture was taken. They remember Kerry handing the camera to another church member and asking them to take a photo of him and Lynn together.)
In the pursuit of public interest; Lynn’s side of the family believes many of the stories involving Lynn are fiction. They do not recognize many narratives that Kerry writes about, or if they do recognize one, they claim the stories often bear no resemblance to their memory’s version. I write mainly from the family’s point of view and their collective memories.
July 2, 2017
“Ma’s commitments to the farm have helped me also. Just a few days prior to her disappearance she had gone through each and every field of the farm conducting an extensive grass evaluation to plot out a grazing rotation schedule for the cattle. (Her recent work in those fields also explains why her scent trails were just as prominent in every direction, frustrating search efforts in the days following her disappearance. Yet those facts, and her insistence on cattle rotations, are only examples of details that have been twisted to create crazy theories that contradict reason while fueling haters’ imaginations.)
Nevertheless, Ma’s commitments to the farm inspire me to continue. And as I found myself explaining in one media interview, “the cows have helped to save my life”! During those first six months everything was put on hold that could be. We did no work other than what simply had to be done. Most things were ignored and left undone if they were not necessary. But the cows had to be fed.”
Perhaps the cows did save him for a time. Did they possibly cover the most recent scent trail of Lynn’s; in the very direction from the house where her remains were discovered?
According to Lynn’s son, Abram, his mom took care of cattle rotation when it needed to happen so the fact that his dad was so demandingly adamant about Abram moving the cows the morning of July 8, 2014, seemed beyond odd to him; especially in hindsight. If moving the cattle was always Lynn’s responsibility, why would Kerry be thinking of such an insignificant detail when his beloved, “Ma, Bride,” wife was missing and nowhere to be found?
“First of all is that the unanswered questions surrounding Ma’s disappearance on the night of July 7th, 2014, will nag at my emotional well-being for the rest of my life.”
After almost three years of Kerry saying, the morning of July 8 in most posts and media interviews. Why did he switch to the night of July 7?
“Thus it became Lynn’s request that we would eventually retire to Arkansas, and ultimately be buried there. She pushed on her desire to go to Arkansas, sooner or later, and I promised her that one day we would.”
How are Lynn’s sons to reconcile this when according to Lynn’s family, they never heard Lynn say this was a wish or thought of hers?
“Over the years her attachment to the farm superseded everything else we had ever discussed. Eventually Ma and I made the decision to be cremated when the time came, and to have our ashes scattered here on the farm. The idea of going to Arkansas faded into our memories as the farm became our little piece of heaven on earth.”
“I was waiting for input from family. And so it was like being kicked in the gut (once again) when, after more than seven months, the coroner told me that he could not even send in an application for a death certificate until Lynn was in the ground!”
“There is way too much I would like to say about all of this right now, but maybe it would be better for me to just say I feel betrayed – again.”
“Since I was not given any feedback from the family, I decided not to go with cremation.”
How did he contact the family and when? Who did he contact? According to Lynn’s family and extended family, Kerry didn’t communicate with them through writing, through law enforcement, or through an attorney. I was told that Kerry did ask a deacon from Lynn’s sister and mom’s church to mediate between himself and the family, but the deacon declined.
“So I went back to advisers for suggestions. They all said the same thing about waiting over six months with no response from the family. It was my decision to make – but I was strongly encouraged to keep it private and not announce it for haters and critics ahead of time. Preserving the dignity and integrity of even her skeletal remains outweighed opening up what many see as a sacred event to potential media or sightseers.”
“Thus I defaulted to Lynn’s original request. To be buried with my family in Arkansas.”
Again, Lynn never mentioned this to her mom, her sisters, her sons, or her daughter-in-law.
Who are Kerry’s advisers? His attorneys, Spring Thomas, his pastor, or someone else? I think a secular therapist, a Christian counselor, or a member of the clergy would have suggested the importance of allowing a mother’s children and grandchildren the courtesy and necessity of having a grave side service. This could have been easily arranged through the funeral director in Arkansas. One side of the family could have had their service, allowing time for them to leave and the other attendees to arrive, so the others could have the remaining time for their burial ceremony.
Do take note that Kerry, in a FLM post, stated that his pastor was indeed a part of the decision making process on how to handle the burial and who to invite and not invite. I have received word from inside Lynn’s church that just because Kerry states details about the church and leadership in his posts; does not make those details facts. Should we be confused? Maybe. Shocked? Nope.
Side note: I remain saddened and frustrated that the pastor or leadership didn’t bring Kerry before the church for discipline while he was in an extra marital relationship with Spring Thomas while Lynn was missing.
I think we can draw a logical conclusion from the church cancelling the memorial service which Kerry had scheduled. I’ve learned through my studies of difficult relationships, setting boundaries, and identifying character disorders this: If something doesn’t directly affect a person, or institution and cause them discomfort, pain, or inconvenience, they won’t care about getting involved, helping, or changing their behavior. But…make them uncomfortable and they will likely take action to make their pain, embarrassment, or lack of comfort better. Could this also be why Lynn’s former church family was reprimanded and told to stay quiet and stop talking to outside people/non church members?
Back to the Find Lynn Messer Facebook page:
People who have a different opinion are not haters. There happens to be more than one side to this story and I am telling the other side…as Lynn’s voice through her family. Our prayer is that one day soon, God’s truth of the story will be revealed since Lynn cannot speak for herself. I’m confidant the truth will be uncovered.
July 9, 2017
“Of the many ministries she (Lynn) has been involved with, I have narrowed the field down to the three following ministries which best reflect Ma’s passions:”
One of them is:
“Sunshine Mission: http://www.sunshineministries.org/donate/ This is Ma’s ministry of choice for people struggling with a variety of needs. During Ma’s years of cultivating her truck garden, she would take bushels of produce to Sunshine Mission. Because of its location and distance, she would usually get there after dark, or just before. So I encouraged her to take along one of her dogs. Thanks to Ma’s fearless confidence, nothing could stop her from doing anything she set her mind or heart to do. I expect to eventually donate most of Ma’s personal items myself.”
Please reread the last sentence. Why would any dad donate his children’s mother’s belongings without allowing the children to have some of their beloved mom’s possessions? Kerry and the woman law enforcement found Kerry to be in a relationship with within weeks of Lynn’s disappearance, Spring Thomas, were seen cleaning and going through Lynn’s worldly goods months ago, and giving some of them away.
July 16, 2017
“And I am thankful that the memories of our love and life always eclipse the pains and anguishes of this dark path.”
As in the ‘pains and anguishes’ of the dark path Lynn was possibly taken on in the middle of the early morning hours, July 8, 2014? Figuratively, literally, or both?
Last paragraph: July 23, 2017
“But for now, allow me to ask You to send a messenger, some angel with a golden voice, to please whisper my “Thank You” to Lynn. Please let her know that “I am the life that she changed” more than anyone else on this earth! Tell her, “I am so glad she gave”! Please let her know how You have used our love to mold me, and how our love continues to help soften this clay so you can continue working out the lumps! “Thank You” For Giving To The Lord!”
Hypothetically speaking, could he be implying that his Bride committed suicide? Last I knew, people don’t walk out in the woods, in the dark of night, in a thunder-storm, hold their breath and die. They also can’t get up and walk once they die and the question still remains: Were Lynn’s remains moved to the location in which they were found? Investigative time will tell. I’m still praying that soil samples will tell. The only answer I have received from a detective on the case is that the remains recovered were consistent with those that had been in the elements about that amount of time. Regarding what soil samples can reveal; I’ve read that the FBI is capable of removing samples of earth around the area where a body was found. They can compare layer by layer the months and seasons that have deposited on the ground in the area. Then they can compare this with the layers found around and on the remains. If the layers don’t match it would indicate the body was moved from a different location. As for the soil samples; there are unique qualities to soils such as sediment, color, and structure. For example, color indicates its history as well as the compounds present in the soil. For example, white or gray soil could mean that the soil contains lime or has been leeched((a chemical, a metal, etc.) from a substance by the action of a liquid passing through the substance. Gray soil can also mean that the organic material or moisture is present, black soil suggests the same. Soil that is red,brown or yellow generally suggests that there is iron present.
Does he want detectives to think Lynn committed suicide; possibly suicide so he could go on with the life she couldn’t provide but wanted him to have? That she was so selfless? So selfless because his heart was hardened toward her and she knew he wouldn’t change since his interest was in someone else? So….is he saying she took herself out of the way? That he had no idea his Bride was going to do that, or did do that? But now in hind sight, he can see clearly what she did…what she did for him? I ask these questions based on past life experiences that leave me reason to understand how a spouse can write like this and be leaving clues, half-truths, and (to the writer) brilliant hidden meaning. It doesn’t mean this is what happened in this case, but it does leave room for other possibilities.
“I was fired from my job for taking on a battle against a corrupt industry in St. Louis (which I did on my own time and which had nothing to do with my regular job).”
Earlier reports questioned this story and referenced their memory that Kerry was fired for not showing up to work for 3 days; against company orders because he had already been told he could not have the time off and that he had to be at work.
“Along the way, Lynn turned this “old house” into our “home”. Her becoming “Ma” is intimately tied to all of her many exploits and adventures associated with the ways she has created our “home”. As with all of life’s major experiences, we are often changed by major events and we become a reflection of the totality of our choices and responses to the challenges we face. Ma has a reputation of facing her challenges with a certain degree of grace, and lot of spunk!”
When I asked Lynn’s family about the “Ma” title they said that was not one of her names.
“At 10:55 pm, on August 20th, 1977, sitting in the cab of my pick-up truck, Lynn gave her heart and life to The Lord. From that moment on, it was no longer a matter of religion and doing religious things, but about her personal relationship with a God who was now her Guide and friend.”
Fast forward and we now know that a memorial service for Lynn had been planned on the same day, August 20. If the above story is true I find the date interesting. If the above story is not true I find the date interesting. Interesting, because I don’t believe in coincidences where God is concerned and I can rest in knowing He is working out His plan and His truth in Lynn’s story.
“So when our world totally collapsed three years ago, I was confronted by The Lord with the fact that I had no excuse to turn to the world or temptations for comfort from the pains and anguishes of this season.”
Notice; he didn’t say that he had or had not turned to temptations (Spring or other women) but only that the Lord had confronted him about this. With word spinners; it’s the little things you need to consider.
“About a year and a half into this season, I felt that The Lord was moving me to commit to this series of posts, outlining how He has used the Book of Psalms to minister to my shredded heart. It has taken over an additional year and a half to complete this commitment, and no matter what anyone else may say (or the critics twist out of it) I can say at least one thing that no one can take away from me:”
“And that is, it doesn’t amount to a single jot or tittle, what anyone else may think of these posts.”
Has anyone else found Kerry’s personal rewrite of the book of Psalm thought-provoking?Does he think of himself as being like King David; a man after God’s own heart? Is Kerry hoping that if he gives God all the glory and praise that he, Kerry, will be saved from the consequences of choices he has made? I remember that King David had consequences for his adultery with Bathsheba and the premeditated murder of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah.
I never noticed King David writing with an inflated sense of self importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others, a need for special favors and admiration he believed he deserved, or being preoccupied with telling grandiose stories of ideal love to support possible delusions. King David was transparent, humble, and repentant. He owned his sin, confessed it, and accepted the consequences.
Lynn’s story isn’t over. We know her spiritual heritage will continue through her children and grand children. Meanwhile…we patiently wait on justice for Lynn.
August 19, 2017
“This was supposed to be a Memorial Service for Lynn Messer. I had agreed to step aside and have no role other than to attend, just to keep anyone from possibly twisting anything I might say into something ungracious towards estranged family members or others. Several more close friends of Lynn’s were also taken off the potential speakers list for the same reason. This was supposed to be a time of healing for our church family and anyone else wishing to show respect to the memory of a long term and dedicated church member.”
“The agenda of these internet trolls and their campaign is dishonoring to Lynn’s memory. It is disrespectful to her legacy of life and love. It is even a disgrace to their own agenda against me and anyone who dares disagree with them. And it will be assessed by any objective observer as disgusting and despicable.”
My sources informed me that Kerry was TOLD he couldn’t speak at Lynn’s memorial; therefore, there was no option except to agree. By the way, it is sad but true that the church in general tends to not take the side of, or take up the cause of the victim. They often stand with the guilty. If you think staying neutral is the best road, you are still taking sides in the eyes of guilty and the innocent through your passive indifference. To not speak is to agree to something wrong that God has called sin. The absence of your empathy and understanding causes great harm to the innocent. Your inaction and withholding of words is speaking loudly and clearly.
Kerry’s last paragraph could be referred to as mirroring. Some people have the capability of reflecting their own thoughts, or things they have been accused of back on the other person. Actions and words that they should own; they blame on other people. Even when they clearly and definitely did something wrong, they cannot and will not accept responsibility. They habitually deflect the blame elsewhere. They ignore their contribution to the situation or insist that the other person made them do it. They know right from wrong, but they can’t allow something bad to be their fault; therefore, the rules don’t apply to them. They have the ability to blame you for everything that isn’t right in their life, and blame you for what other people do, and blame you for whatever has happened. They will always blame you-even for their abuse toward you. It can be a maddening cycle.
“Until we can become people-focused rather than reputation-focused – churches will fail to properly support victims and survivors. We must follow the way of Jesus and sit with the hurting rather than stand with the harmful.” — Ashley Easter