7 thoughts on “20 Clues You’re With a Narcissist.

  1. Jessica says:

    Carolyn thanks so much for sharing it has cleared so much up for me.. I have an abuser who has convinced everyone it’s me. What do I do to prove myself, this person wears a very Christian face? Were you accused of be the narcissist? What if people say but how is it everyone your around is the problem, it happens everywhere I go? Is it possible I attack narcissist, or am I the issue?
    Jess

    • Have you seen a counselor? I too seem to attract this type of personality and I have cried, begged and pleaded with two counselors, over the years, to please tell me what type of disorder I have that attracts these people. Here are a couple of things they told me: Narcissists are attracted to strong personalities; strong people. They love your strength, but once they have you in a relationship they abhor your strength and will spend their energy trying to destroy it.

      Strong people seek help when they need it; such as through counseling. Narcissists rarely seek help. They may go to a counselor as an ultimatum from a loved one, but it isn’t heartfelt.

      I tend to be an enabler, and a boundryless person, so I have had to learn to set boundaries over the years. This doesn’t come naturally for me and I’m still practicing. This never goes over well with people who have narcissistic tendencies.

      Narcissists ALWAYS mirror your concerns about them back on you; always will!

      You can’t wear yourself out trying to disprove accusations against you. I had to learn to be at peace with it and go on. God provided many wonderful, safe relationships for me once I did this. Sixteen years later, and many prayers later, my NPDer was found out for who he truly is and went to prison for life.

      ‘Sounds Familiar’ answered your questions also and she is 100% correct. Be confident that God will bless your faithfulness and obedience. Stay close to him in a daily relationship through Bible study, prayer and worship; He will never fail you, leave you or forsake you.

      Do not engage or attempt to argue with a narcissist. Use phrases like, “That’s your opinion. I’m not discussing this with you. You set the precedence and if it’s good for you it’s good for me.” Always stay calm because they feed off of your energy; positive or negative. Don’t smile, don’t frown, don’t cry, don’t glare, don’t raise your voice, and don’t mumble; show no emotion. Giving them a piece of your mind, or engaging in a disagreement will only leave you more frustrated because in the end you will realize you wasted your time, energy, and emotion; which only cemented in your NPDer’s mind that you are the crazy one.

      Dr. Sam Vaknin, who is a well-known writer on NPD has visited my blog and left messages for me a couple of times through the years. He is an expert on the subject because he has NPD. I took his advice and used it on him. The best response for an NPDer who wants to argue with you, or influence you, is to give no response.

      Thanks for stopping by my blog. I’m glad it validated how you’re feeling about your difficult person. For more help interacting with this person you may want to read a post I wrote this time last year:
      https://chocolateorelse.wordpress.com/2015/08/18/toxic-tuesday-learn-4-simple-phrases-for-setting-boundaries/

  2. Sounds Familiar says:

    Jessica – you may want to Google “gaslighting” – this is typical abuser / narcissist behavior. Gaslighting is the process by which an abuser will attempt to convince the abused that THEY are the crazy ones. Abusers aren’t afraid to try to convince everyone else that you are the problem as well!

    Having escaped an abusive husband with NPD myself, my advice is that you simply live a life of integrity and dignity. Time will tell the story that needs to be told. You cannot engage the narcissist. You cannot attempt to convince them of anything. You must disengage, and to the extent that you must have some interaction with them, the interaction must be very business-like and unemotional. Anything else will send them back into their control mode again.

    When you live a life of right choices, dignity and healthy behaviors, those who say otherwise will slowly fall away. Time (and our loving God) will judge justly.

    • Yes to everything your wrote! I’ve had NPDers in my life who attempted to convince others that I was the problem. Most people see through it and even come to recognize the lies they were told. Oh, how I hope and pray, Jess, that you can relax in God’s love and be at peace with what you have no control over. Let God tend to your heart while you learn to set boundaries for interacting with this person. God has your back! Jess, I also replyed to your original question.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s