Kerry Messer Not Cooperating; Family History

I reached out to the Messer brothers last weekend through social media and explained to them who I am, why I blog, what my background is, and that I wrote a blog post about their mom’s disappearance.

I told them if they wanted to share anything with my readers I would be honored to listen, and to be a voice for their mom.  I assured them that I understood if they didn’t have the time, energy, or interest to schedule this in their lives right now.

They both kindly replied.

Today I will share a portion of Abram Messer’s reply, “I’ve been thinking about reaching out to you to not only thank you for your piece, but to see if you would be interested in talking to me. One of the many issues that I struggle with having grown up in a home where destructive ideology  was normal is my desire to break, (I pray permanently) the sin cycle and demonstrate a Biblical example for my children to see. I would love to share more of our story with you. Thank you for following the prompting of the Holy Spirit to reach out to me.”

According to Abram Messer, and confirmed with the Ste Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office, Kerry Messer, is no longer cooperating with the investigation and hasn’t been for almost a year.  And with this, I can tell you that Abram has been doing what no child, no matter what age, could ever imagine having to do. He has been assisting in an investigation that revolves around his dad, due to the disappearance of his mom.

During my conversation with Abram, he conveyed his appreciation and trust in the Ste Genevieve County Sheriff’s Office. He explained they have, and continue to do, a terrific job. He equally included the hours upon hours of interviews over the days, months and last two years they conducted with him. Abram mentioned how investigators stepped inside his head and pulled out information he wouldn’t have thought of on his own. He reflected that if the authorities need another 9 hour interview from his head he will give it every day. Abram has complete faith in their ability because they want to come to the truth. So if you have heard by word of mouth, or read in other news outlets, that the investigators aren’t doing their job it simply isn’t true.

*Disclaimer: There have been no arrests made in the disappearance of Lynn Messer. Kerry Messer remains innocent of any charges. I am not claiming anyone is mentally ill or guilty; but simply pointing out concerns.

I will walk you through a bit of Messer family history according to, Lynn and Kerry’s son, Abram. While talking to Abram, I could have literally finished some of his sentences for him because I understand what he lived through growing up and I understand some of the mind-set I hear and read about his father.

I’ve often wondered why people are easily hoodwinked by the possibility of dual personality individuals. I wonder if it’s from having a good heart that’s always looking for the best in people; because who goes around looking for evil.  We tend to believe what we see. If we were at the theatre watching a play we would expect to see grand acting, but we don’t anticipate seeing it in the office, at church, at school, at the store, or standing in the driveway talking to a neighbor.

If you think it was easy for Abram to recall this history, I can tell you it wasn’t. There were a few times I thought our phone call had disconnected, but no, he

Abram Messer 1

Photo Credit: J.B. Forbes, St. Louis Post Dispatch

was distraught and needed time to process what he wanted to say. He loves his mom. He loves his dad.  He wants to help other families, other women, and other victimizers recognize abuse before it’s too late. He speculated that recent events have changed how he views his relationship with his wife and children. He believes human nature will do one of two things.

  1. Repeat the Cycle

  2. Go to the opposite extreme

We both agreed that there is a better option. Stop holding any person to a standard you want to achieve, or a low you want to avoid. Our standard is Jesus. If His heart, mind, way and will is what we chase after we will always be progressing in a good and healthy direction.

Survivors, and witnesses, share their stories because it could be the key that leads to freedom for other victims. Abram was clear on his objectives for speaking out about his family life and his mom’s disappearance. You can read, LYNN MESSER: 3 OBJECTIVES, by clicking here.

Abram believed for a long time his father lived two lives. Kerry seemed different at home than he was at church or anywhere else. Out of curiosity I asked, “How old were you when you came to this realization?”

Abram didn’t have to think about the answer, he knew it, “Between 10 and 12 years old.”

I asked because 10-12 seems to be a common age when children become aware of abusive or mentally unstable parents. Children often wonder if something is wrong sooner, but that tends to be the age when they know, and can understand it and verbalize it.

Abram conveyed that he grew up having a dread of daddy coming home from work; just knowing he would come home from work caused anxiety because he knew dad only cared about work. When at friends’ homes he envied the kids’ excitement when their daddy arrived home from work. They would excitedly run to the window waiting for their father to walk through the door to great them.

The term, “Ma” that Kerry uses in his Facebook posts on the, “Find Lynn Messer” page originated when the boys were around 14-15 years old. The term came from the Ma and Pa Kettle films. Lynn never liked the term, and requested that Kerry not use it but he chose not to respect her wish.  Abram didn’t use the term; to his knowledge only Kerry used it.

90% of the food they consumed was grown and processed on their farm. Lynn had a one acre garden that kept her busy and productive, and it may have served as a coping mechanism to occupy herself. She stayed busy.

While we are talking about staying busy; a point that has stuck in many minds is how dependable Lynn was for commitments she made; such as VBS (Vacation Bible School). Lynn spent months preparing for the church VBS program every year. On Monday, July 7, 2014, Lynn went to Wal-Mart and purchased supplies for the Tuesday VBS program. She was prepared. She was excited. She was scheduled to participate the next day; Tuesday, July 8, 2014, but Lynn was a no-show to VBS.

Kerry reportedly hid financial records from Lynn and refused to write balances in checkbooks leaving Lynn to constantly fret over finances.

In 1984 Kerry began working for Missouri Family Network as a lobbyist for pro-life, family and homeschool causes. M.F.N. was one of a few small organizations that worked across the gamut on these issues. Kerry has quietly encouraged M.F.N. supporters to write the checks in his name, Kerry Messer.  I’ve talked to other individuals who remember this as well.

Abram told about his dad’s decision to drive older used vehicles. There came a time about three years ago when a married couple from their church became burdened for Kerry because he didn’t have a dependable car to drive back and forth to Jefferson City. This sweet and caring couple went to friends and quietly fundraised. They happily sacrificed, knowing the Messers didn’t have money for another vehicle, and bought Lynn and Kerry a new car that would be dependable for work and family life. Weren’t they wonderful friends? Yes! But guess what? According to Abram, his dad didn’t want to drive the new car, especially not to Jefferson City, because donators wouldn’t want to give financial gifts to him if they thought he had enough money to purchase such a nice looking new car. Thus, his decision to stick with older models that looked the part of poor, financially needy lobbyist. I wondered what became of the car. Abram said his mom was in an accident with that car and it was totaled.

A man who couldn’t afford a dependable car and yet has accumulated a reported two and a half million dollars in assets while managing to keep it completely hidden from his wife.

Abram mentioned overriding character questions he had about his dad.

  • It seemed there was one way to do everything; and it was his dad’s way?

  • Took an excessively long time deciding how to complete tasks with perfection being the goal; making it difficult to begin the task?

  • Didn’t like to involve others in completing projects or work tasks?

  • Money was hidden and hoarded?

  • Had a deep need to control everything and everyone around him?

  • Had a deep and twisted belief that husbands are to dominate their wives?

  • Dishonest, fraudulent, duplicitous personality. Changed according to his audience?

  • Took advantage of others to get what he wanted?

  • Lacked empathy; was willing to lie about his own kids to save himself?

  • Craved admiration; read the, “Find Lynn Messer” FB page?

  • Fabricated stories and fantasies of ideal love to attract attention, read the, “Find Lynn Messer” FB page?

  • Life was about him?

  • Didn’t bond with people?

Abram revealed that Lynn did suffer physical abuse at the hands of his father. Although Kerry took the time on the 11/22/2014 Facebook post to expand on his beliefs of women not violating the secrecy of marriage; specifically of his, “Bride” being wise to guard herself on what she shares about her husband with other women. She wisely did just the opposite! Kerry went on to post, “There are things husbands and wives know that no one should ever be told. The home is a place where virtually every social taboo no longer applies. The home is where we all get to relax and drop all our guards (and dog gone it, everyone has gas – get over it). But you still don’t talk about many things in ways that violate your mate. And the list of such topics can get long. A little discretion affirms a lot of love!”

Thankfully, Lynn, had shared with some women about the abuse she suffered in the home; abuse from Kerry, because social taboos are wrong for a reason. These women have reportedly fully cooperated with investigators and presented the truth that Lynn has not been able to offer in person.

I often say, if a woman is strong enough to stay; she is strong enough to leave.

Did Lynn finally realize her husband was not capable of change and decided to adjust her life? Did she fail to realize he was willing to keep toxic control with any means necessary?


If you believe your life may be in jeopardy; please listen to me as I gently, but firmly, tell you, “Leave immediately.” Go to the authorities. Go to Domestic Violence. Go to your pastor or a counselor. Document the abuse in every way possible. See: It is Real You are Write.  If you plan on confronting your abuser about his toxic ways it is best to do it in the company of a witness or witnesses. See Toxic Intervention. Scroll down the left margin of this blog for, “Articles: Other Sources” and “Solutions-Hotlines-Help.”


I will leave you with this quote from Abram,

“To know in the middle, of not knowing what happened, that God did not wake up the morning of July 8, 2014, and say, ‘Wow, I didn’t see this coming!’ I know he will use all this to our benefit; to affect us, to change us, to mold us…there is some solace to that.”

This will be a series of posts with the final entry being the cry of Abram’s heart. In the middle of living a nightmare he says, “This whole ugly mess will get darker before it gets better.”


If you would like an idea of how a duplicitous personality can hoodwink supporters you may read more here: I am Known as a Liar














4 thoughts on “Kerry Messer Not Cooperating; Family History

  1. Sounds Familiar says:

    I am so very glad that you’ve been brave enough to write publicly about this terrible situation, and even more glad that Lynn’s sons are speaking out and speaking the truth. I grew up in a home like this. I didn’t realize the level of emotional and physical abuse until I was an adult, had married an even more abusive man who was later professionally diagnosed with bipolar disorder and narcissist personality disorder. With God’s grace and much counseling, I broke free from both negative patterns and am enjoying a healthy life today.

    As a Christ follower, it pains me to see the degree to which abusers can use scripture and books like those written by Martha Peace (submit no matter what; moral responsibility lies with your husband) and Michael & Debi Pearl (whose teachings have resulted in the deaths of children and abuse of many wives). Often as women desiring to be “good Christian women” these teachings as well as the church’s strong, anti-divorce positions can be used as weapons against us. I imagine that is exactly where Lynn found herself – and where the Messer sons found themselves.

    It is never God’s will for women to be abused and controlled. Church staff members and congregants are in desperate need of education about domestic violence and abusive traits. We left a church where my second husband was on staff because they refused to deal with abusers in their midst. The abuser’s father was head usher (and probably a narcissist himself) called his daughter-in-law a “lying bitch” in the middle of the church lobby. This same woman showed the senior pastor huge bruises all over her arms. The senior pastor and executive pastor refused to deal with the abuser, refused to remove the abuser’s father who had made such terrible statements after the disclosure of abuse and they simply said, “there are two sides to every story” and “we’ve known this family for 20 years.” Evil hides. Evil often hides best in church and religious settings.

    Just recently, I talked to another young woman who married the super nice, charismatic guy (often a warning sign of NPD) and within 3 weeks of their marriage, he tried to strangle her and beat her. She is now safe, and he has spent time in jail, but when she went to her pastor for advice, she was told that divorcing this abuser would be sin.

    Leave an abusive situation. Get outside help, but be aware that all too often the church tends to re-traumatize victims by spiritualizing the abuse, by not believing the victim or even worse, by believing the victim, but then telling her that God’s will is for her to be more submissive, more loving, more understanding, more _______ and most certainly NOT to divorce him.

    Back to Kerry — one thing that jumped out at me from his May interview with the “Missouri Times” He said, ‘“Law enforcement knows all about Spring Thomas. They’ve investigated her, they’ve investigated us. I’ve had 5 computers that have gone through law enforcement for their forensic exams and everything. They have had our cell phones. They don’t know what they don’t know.” THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY DON’T KNOW! A admission for sure. We can hope and pray for a full confession. He is making more mistakes every day. His arrogance is his downfall. He can’t keep his statements straight. That may be clear to everyone but him.

    Heavenly Father – for the sake and glory of your name, please bring justice for Lynn.

    • I’m glad you’re familiar with Martha Peace and Michael and Debi Pearl. As a homeschool mom, I’m now well aware of the following they have among a segment of homeschool families. Their teachings are dangerous and they twist scripture to achieve their goals.
      I too, am saddened and concerned that many churches are feeding, or at least covering for, abusers and not protecting the abused wife and/or children.
      I noticed Kerry’s admission too. I’ve had a few people ask me how I figure things out about Kerry (or people like him) and my answer is; I’ve lived with NPD in my home and I’ve studied NPD. They behave in the same ways; that’s why there is criteria they have to meet in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness. It’s kind of like using a football team’s playbook, but instead, we use it for knowing what the person with NPD has done, is doing, or will do next.
      I join you in prayer; Heavenly Father, You know the truth. For the sake and glory of Your name, please bring justice for Lynn…on this side of heaven, we plead!

  2. Sandy says:

    Thank you **so much** for keeping this story alive. I, too, pray, for her sons sake, and for Lynn, that the truth be known, and any evil that may have harmed her, is punished.

    • Truth, closure and justice are the main reasons I’m writing on behalf of Lynn. I also want people to know that, unfortunately, we can’t take people at face value. I believe if people would read the Find Lynn Messer FB page; along with newspaper articles, and these blog posts, and then weigh them against their personal relationship with Kerry; they will see glaring problems. They should also see huge doctrinal issues with his behavior and statements.


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