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5 (More) Things You Should Never Say to an Abuse Survivor

Toxic Tuesday biochem hazard

 

Today is an addition to Last week’s Toxic Tuesday 21 Things NOT to Say to an Abuse Survivor and Leadership Journal’s Lack of Discernment .

5 (More) Things You Should Never Say to a Victim were added at Tamara Rice’s blog, Hope Fully Known.

Tam is a lover of words and Jesus and family, though perhaps not in that order. She’s an editor, writer, a breast cancer survivor, and an advocate for mental health and for victims of sexual abuse.

Here are her five main points:

1. “If so-and-so had touched me, I’d have told someone right away.”

2. “My parents raised me to stand up to people.”

3. “Aren’t we called to love rapists and pedophiles too?”

4. “You’ll need to learn to talk about this if you want to help others.”

5. “But what about your abuser’s family? You’re hurting them by speaking up.”

Tamara clearly presents the love and logic for each of these five points at http://hopefullyknown.com/2014/06/16/5-things-you-shouldnt-say-to-victims/

Also take time to read thoughts, responses and added things you should never say to victims of sexual abuse written at the end of her post by readers who left comments.

I urge you to read up on this topic because statistics tell us 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 5 boys will suffer sexual abuse before the age of 18; even in the Christian community.  The church/body of Christ needs to acknowledge this truth, be sensitive to it, be real and be part of ministering to the victims.  We do not want to add toxic thoughts, attitudes, words or denials to an already hurting heart. We want to take part in a victim’s healing; not in reinjuring a deep hurt or scar.

“A church that embraces silence over truth is a magnet for those who exploit, abuse, and destroy.” G.R.A.C.E. Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment

“After the Last Tear Falls” By: Andrew Peterson

After the last tear falls, after the last secret’s told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves and the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that’s just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace, after the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician, after the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

‘Cause after the last plan fails, after the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last, this marriage is over
After the last young girl’s innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won’t let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is oceans and oceans of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

‘Cause after the last tear falls there is love

2 thoughts on “5 (More) Things You Should Never Say to an Abuse Survivor

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