No More Frumpy Mommy ‘Moms’ Night Out’ Challenge Day 5 with Tricia Goyer
This post is another encouragement to those of you living in a toxic relationship.
I had a mom’s night out last Thursday with my friends, Kim and Michelle. We all needed out of the house; I desperately needed out of the house! No kids, no responsibilities, no house work, no refereeing conflicts among siblings, no endless questions and no meal to cook. We ate dinner out, saw the movie Moms’ Night Out, and afterward went out for yogurt to enjoy a long conversation. Ahhh… *Smile*
It was refreshing! I needed to laugh and Moms’ Night Out provided the source.
I know some mothers who take a mom’s night out once a week, some who take one occasionally and some who rarely if ever take one. Do you have a friend to enjoy a mom’s night out with?
After the movie, Kim reflected on the fact that the husband in this movie was a good sweet husband and was so understanding of his wife’s need to make a break from the house, and from the kids, for some fun girl time, good food, adult conversation and relaxation. What about people living in toxic relationships, she asked? They especially need a night out with friends and seeing this movie would definitely provide laughter and encouragement. Kim told me I should write about this on my next Toxic Tuesday blog post.
The mom in the movie had a wonderful husband who treated her with kindness, tenderness, understanding, moral support, love and encouragement. Yet she needed an opportunity to recharge her heart, soul, mind and strength so she could pour positive life into her family members.
What about those of you living in a negative environment where the only thing you might be receiving is love from your children?
What if you have a spouse who criticizes you, often gives you the silent treatment, physically withholds from you, and plays crazymaking games with you? (See: https://chocolateorelse.wordpress.com/2013/09/17/crazymaking/ )
Do you find you cannot please them even though you are biblically solid and in a daily relationship with the Lord, you are FUN in the bedroom, you are a terrific mom, housekeeper, cook and friend? You do what the Bible teaches regarding being a good spouse. You have implemented applications you read about in Christian marriage books, learned from marriage conferences, gleaned from older godly mentors and read on Christian blogs? Are you still treated as unworthy?
If this is you then please take time to care for yourself. You must pray, asking God for a friend or Bible study group who could be your prayer support and a listening ear when you need it. (See: https://chocolateorelse.wordpress.com/2013/12/03/the-boundary-of-self-sufficiency/ )
You need time alone with God each day and you also need time to de-stress. You need some simple pleasures specifically for you; even if you have to provide them for yourself.
Here are some examples:
- A new book to read; for fun (Bought, borrowed, or on loan from the library)
- A movie to watch after the kids are in bed
- A new decoration for the house; this can be free by bringing nature inside
- An aromatic candle to enjoy burning
- A new piece of jewelry if finances allow
- A special treat/dessert
- A cup of your favorite coffee or tea
- A lunch date with a dear friend
- A new outfit; try thrift stores if finances are tight—you won’t have to worry about shrinkage because the clothes have already been laundered (Makes me wish all clothes were washed and dried before hitting the store racks.)
- A new CD or time alone to listen to favorite music on the internet
- A relaxing drive in the country
- A few moments alone to sit on the back deck/porch uninterrupted
- A trip to the gym to work off stress
- An appointment at an upscale salon for a relaxing massage. If you lack physical touch a massage will relieve stress and bring much of your body back in to balance. A massage is an effective way to alleviate depression, anxiety and tension while improving sleep quality. The state of calmness you achieve allows you better coping skills for interacting with your toxic person. Staying calm is essential. The connection between touch and feelings of emotion seem to occur in the limbic brain. The limbic system controls mood and attitude. It sets the emotional tone of the mind and modulates motivation, controls appetite and sleep cycles and promotes bonding. Problems with the system lead to moodiness, irritability and clinical depression. Amen DG. Brain Function and Physiology. Limbic System (controls mood and attitude). Internet. 2003. http://www.brainplace.com
- A relaxing bath
- Make a grateful list—yes there are things to be grateful for, even in your circumstances
- A nature walk or walk around your neighborhood
- Take a nap or enjoy a 5-15 minute rest
- Go to the library, alone, to sit and read a book or enjoy browsing through magazines
- Do not overschedule
- Journal your thoughts, allow God to be your audience when you journal
- Call a trusted friend or family member
- Plant a new flower, bush or plant; or ask a friend/neighbor for leftovers next time they thin their flower beds or garden
- Make an appointment with a Christian counselor or church staff member
- Get a dose of outdoor sunlight every day
- Provide an act of service for someone else
- Take a walk through an art gallery or history museum; many are free or offer a free day/time
- Window shop at your favorite shopping destination
- Visit a local botanical garden or nursery/greenhouse
If you are feeling mentally, physically or spiritually drained it is never too late to make changes that will improve your situation. Begin making simple pleasures a part of your daily routine for the next thirty days and see if it helps you manage your stress factors. Ask a friend to check in on you at the end of each week and inquire about your simple pleasures experiment.
Start with seeing Moms’ Night Out in a theatre near you with a friend or group of friends; or rent it when it when it comes out on DVD or through video streaming to enjoy with a friend over a hot cup of tea or favorite drink.
You need encouragement and you need to laugh!
Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)
A cheerful heart is good medicine,
but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Seeing Moms’ Night Out guarantees good medicine.
I had not experienced such unbridled laughter since reading the Pioneer Woman’s, All I Wanted Was a Doughnut. See: http://thepioneerwoman.com/blog/2011/12/all-i-wanted-was-a-doughnut/
The thing that made the movie better was the longevity of it. It was an extra-large jumbo size dose of good medicine and a timely lesson from Bones. (You will have to see the movie to find out about Bones.)
I thought the movie would strictly be a ‘Chick-Flick’ but no; I heard and saw men laughing as uncontrollably as me.
I have never laughed so much, so hard, so loud in any movie. Hysterical laughter, tears from hysterical laughter, snorting from not being able to catch my breath due to hysterical laughter. Side splitting I tell ya!
There you have it. My encouragement for the day: Laugh. Funny movies, funny books, comedians or funny friends; find your funny and take a full measure of it.
See the right side margin : A Cheerful Heart…for multiple opportunities to laugh.