Aside

WE ALL HAVE CHA…

WE ALL HAVE CHAPTERS WE WOULD RATHER KEEP UNPUBLISHED
-downton abbey

What’s a girl to do when God prompts her to write a book?

I had no idea so I just didn’t do it. I’m not a writer and I have deplorable grammar. I did not know where to begin and besides, who would even care about the story of my life? And if I did start…oh the things people would find out about me.  Why God would want my testimony or lack thereof recorded I could not understand. So I decided He must have wanted me to journal my life as a record to pass on to my children. What I would write about is not exactly fitting for a child’s eyes or mind; not even for my eighteen year old since some of what I have to write about involves her and a very difficult time in our lives.

Over the weeks I began to sporadically journal past and current events in my life and my family’s life.

Months later, after the writing prompt from God, on the last night of 2010 my seven year old son had a severe traumatic brain injury while playing at a friend’s house during a New Year’s Eve party. It was a freak accident. An accident requiring a life flight helicopter.  A Caringbridge.org type of accident which led to daily journaling his condition for family and friends. Caringbridge.org was an avenue for me to praise my God and declare His goodness to others for what the Lord was doing on my son’s behalf.  A declaration of the prayers prayed and the answers received. It was also an account of the body of Christ taking care of my family’s daily needs.

After my son’s accident life became even busier for this wife and homechool mother of three. We had so many new issues to address in our home and in our schooling plus multiple doctor and therapy appointments week in and week out. I did not feel like writing anymore. I was overwhelmed to the point of mental, physical and relational exhaustion. I had no strength left, no creativity and not a moment to spare.

Four months after the accident, in April, I received a call that rocked my already upside down world. A blast from my past; from Riley’s past was resurfacing by way of an investigation in the state of Kansas. The raw emotion that emerged caught me off guard; nonetheless, I knew I had to commit to seeing this problem through to the end. It was a gut wrenching, difficult easy decision. For the sake of little children.

After I received the phone call, God showed me that my writing was for women living in difficult circumstances. Women who need to learn to pray to the One who created them, cares for them and wants to bless them. The God who can make life not just bearable but good. Productive. A life of purpose in the middle of pain. If we allow God access He can make the pain worth the while. Who else would do that for us? He is so good.

During this time God spoke to my heart, soul, mind, and strength, “Child, if you do not want to write this book for me I can find another woman to do the job. You are not the only woman living in difficult circumstances and I can easily find someone who wants to write a book. You; however, will miss out on the answered prayers and the blessings. My strength is made perfect in your weakness. I know you have no strength left. Now you will know it is your God working through you.”

My heart desired to obey Him.

So I write. I sit at the computer and God floods my memory with details which I have not thought about for years. Because life is hard, and so many of my memories are bitter, I find writing emotionally draining which has meant learning to function on less sleep than I prefer, having less time to talk on the phone with family in Texas and cutting back on get-togethers with friends. I have learned quickly that every time I say ‘yes’ to an activity, request or friend I am saying ‘no’ to God’s calling on my life, to my husband and to my children. I love and obey God first; love and care for my family second and attempt to take care of my physical and spiritual needs so I can enjoy the life I have been given while still finding time to serve others.

I have felt the whisper of God on my very being remind me, “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” (Isaiah 45:3 NIV 1984)

If you do not believe in Jesus Christ, the one and only son of God, my hope is you will see how He took me, a broken messed up woman living through difficult circumstances, and worked impossible situations for good, for purpose…to show the world how amazing He is to those who show faith the size of even the teeniest tiniest mustard seed.

We step into a relationship or circumstance with a heart full of expectation and sometimes even Biblical promises of God, get wacked on the head with pain and reality… then have to choose to believe the two can be reconciled.

They can…through prayer.

*Note: This is just the audio with the image from the album. Below are the lyrics to the song.

“After the Last Tear Falls”

After the last tear falls
After the last secret’s told
After the last bullet tears through flesh and bone
After the last child starves
And the last girl walks the boulevard
After the last year that’s just too hard

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

After the last disgrace
After the last lie to save some face
After the last brutal jab from a poison tongue
After the last dirty politician
After the last meal down at the mission
After the last lonely night in prison

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales

‘Cause after the last plan fails
After the last siren wails
After the last young husband sails off to join the war
After the last “this marriage is over”
After the last young girl’s innocence is stolen
After the last years of silence that won’t let a heart open

There is love
Love, love, love
There is love

And in the end, the end is
Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We’ll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we’ll look back on these tears as old tales
‘Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

LivingWell

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2 thoughts on “WE ALL HAVE CHA…

  1. Rhonda Stevens says:

    Carolyn, God has truly given you the gift of writing and I know He will bless you for your obedience. Will pray for you as you begin this blog. I know that you will touch many lives for Him.
    Rhonda

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